Happy Monday + 1!
Since yesterday was technically a holiday, let’s pretend that today is Mental Health Monday!
If you’ve been keeping up with my blog, checked out my social media page, or perused through my website, you have been introduced to my best friend, Samantha.
The last time we were able to see each other in person was March of 2021. My son and I were finally able to take some time to travel and spend the weekend with her and her family.
We bought matching pajamas and captured this lovely picture during the trip!
A huge part of my conversations with my therapist revolves around the fact that I have limited contact with friends outside of work. I have one coworker, who I adore, that I see consistently and vent all my work frustrations to, and a few others I see here and there. However, I rarely spend time with any of my coworkers outside of work unless we’re having a unit gathering.
I have a few friends I’ll check in with occasionally, about their lives, but we rarely get together. I’m a friendly person but for some reason, I don’t have any significant friendships in this area. Most of my best friends live in other cities in Texas or out of state. These are the friends that I could call up and talk to for hours. These are the friends you could call up randomly and they’ll go to the grocery store with you. These are the friends who you can complain about your life and make borderline suicidal ideations and they support you and don’t make you feel any crazier than you already feel.
Spending time with friends is good for your mental health.
So, imagine how not good going over a year without seeing my best friend was on my mental health.
Being a single parent with no friends or family in the area sucks! I rarely have time to communicate with adults outside of work. Sometimes, you just can’t keep talking about work and need some time chatting about other things with your best friend(s).
As a single parent, you’re responsible for everything.
- Getting kiddo(s) to daycare/school
- Keeping up with chores at home
- Managing the bills
- Ensuring your kiddo(s) has enough quality time with you
- Maintenance on vehicle/home
- Attending all appointments for kiddo(s)
- Grocery shopping/providing appropriate meals
- Working so you can support yourself and kiddo(s)
- ETC…
Being a human in general is overwhelming but when there’s no sense of relief it can drown you. We need breaks, genuine friendships, time to spend with these friends, and time to feel like ourselves outside of the many roles we hold.
Let’s talk about what this time looks like.
I spent three days with my son, best friend, and her family. I left feeling almost more exhausted than when I arrived. Have y’all ever gone on a trip and feel like you need a vacation from your vacation? That’s a little bit how I felt after this weekend. I went hoping to spend some quality time with my best friend. We spent the whole weekend trying to keep my son from beating up her kids, taking breaks watching each other’s kids while we went to the bathroom, took a shower, or cooked, and trying to nap because we were exhausted. We had a few minutes during a quick Walmart trip to be together, without kids, and have a little fun.
The six-hour trip there and back did not help much either.
I know we’re both moms and do not have the means to be without our children often so you’d think I would know that it wouldn’t be the perfect trip. Regardless, I did not expect to feel so disconnected when we were literally staying in the same home. It’s hard to focus on your friendship when you’re focused on being a parent. It’s even harder when your child is ignoring everything you say, and you feel like an incompetent parent.
How do we maintain friendships when we’re so far away to feel connected despite the distance?
- Texting
- Calling
- Video chatting
- Social media
- Letters
These are a few things Samantha and I use to stay connected. I also found a journal that we write in and mail back and forth as a fun method. Of course, we often get behind and end up taking months before we get it back to the other. We’re trying though.
How do we take the breaks that we deserve and feel refreshed when we return to our responsibilities? I haven’t figured out a solid answer for this question. Having smaller, more frequent, breaks seem to help a bit. If you’re waiting for a week (or two) long vacation once a year, you’re likely going to get burnt out. I try to add a three-day weekend to my schedule when I can, but it doesn’t happen as much as I’d like.
I love this meme based on an episode of Rugrats. This is legitimately how adult life feels. We have so many roles and if you are focused on one, you’re likely neglecting the others. This can be a huge weight on our mental health.
Feel free to comment what you do to maintain healthy friendships and feel rested during breaks/vacations!
We are struggling with so much every day. I am here to be an advocate for mental health and helping others. If you’re struggling with an internal battle, just know, I am here with you! My website/blog and social media page are safe places! Share your dreams and your struggles. Life isn’t easy but you’re doing great!
Ariel Pierce 