July is my birth month.
Yes, I am one of those people who turn their one day of birth into the longest celebration possible. The reality is, it mostly results in a few free meals from random restaurants with birthday rewards, some sort of gathering on my actual birthday, and me saying “it’s my birth month,” all month long.
Here’s a lovely photo of my son about to enjoy lunch from Pluckers! My meal was free!
I debated on doing a separate birthday post and thirtieth birthday post but decided to combine them. I toss in lots of birthday pictures and it’s a great topic for Mental Health Monday!
Birthdays mean the world to me. I love celebrating the day someone graced the world with their existence. I love making people feel special on the one day of the year dedicated to them. Whatever creation method you believe in, you somehow managed to make it on this earth, so you are valuable. You should be celebrated.
“It’s just another day.”
If I had a dollar for every time someone has said this about their birthday, I would be rich enough to at least upgrade the computer I’m currently typing on.
That sentence irritates me to no end. The rational side of me understands that not everyone feels the same about birthdays. People likely have any number of reasons as to how that sentence is now their go to around their birthday. You are of course allowed to “do you.”
The reason I feel so deeply about it not being “just another day,” is because there are so many negative things about living on this earth that the least we can have is one day to celebrate the amazing people we are. We deserve a break to eat cake (or whatever birthday dessert you like), do random fun things, and for the day to be about us.
This leads me to my recent thirtieth birthday. I bought a 30th birthday tiara and a “thirty, flirty, and thriving” shirt from Amazon months in advance. I somehow convinced my mother and her best friend to fly in to spend my birthday with me. I invited all my friends in the area to a birthday lunch. I was ready to celebrate turning 30 with as much attention on me as possible. I even wore my sparkly pink converse, so it was inevitable.
I had no qualms about turning 30. Jennifer Garner made it look fun in 13 Going on 30. There hasn’t been a birthday where I suddenly feel older. Aside from being a mom now, nothing really feels different over the last 10 or so years of celebrating birthdays.
There were many things about my 20s I did not like. Here are just a few:
- My grandmother died
- I got divorced
- I became a single mom
- I had to postpone my master’s degree
- I found out what it feels like to be depressed
- The first car I purchased went out of commission
- Questioning my career choices
- My best friend almost died
I lovingly refer to my 20s as simply the “existential crisis decade.”
Basically, what is the point of my existence and what is the point of humanity’s continued existence? Are we all literally here to simply work ourselves to death with little to show for it? I often thought there had to be more to this life.
I could likely fill a city pool with the amount of tears I cried in my 20s. I was distracted by everything going wrong that I focused very little on all that was going right.
Here are a few things I liked about my 20s:
- I became the first in my family to graduate college
- I found a fulfilling job
- I made many incredible friends
- I became a mom
- I was able to spend time with many amazing people through my job
- I reignited my passion for writing
- I worked on a novel inspired by my best friend
- I bought a car with no assistance from family
- I moved into an amazing apartment that I adore
- I adopted two precious chonky cats
- I read hundreds of books
- I began attending therapy
- I started a website for my writing
- I started a mental health blog to help others
- I bumped into the closest I’ve felt to romantic love
(I also enjoyed finding the delicious donut spot, Duck Donuts! The location I go to is in Pflugerville, Texas)
Even with all these amazing things, I still often feel as if there’s a gapping hole in my body. I feel disconnected from my life since it’s not what I was expecting when I turned 18. I never expected to get divorced. I wanted to have a master’s degree and be a licensed mental health counselor by now. I never wanted to be a single mom and have often thought whether I wanted to be a mom at all. I never thought I would turn 30 and be single period. I wanted a happily ever after moment and entering your 30s without it feels scary.
No one ever directly said I needed to have my life figured out at 30. Seeing the example of many adults in my life it seems evident that most don’t. Maybe it’s seeing people in magazines listed as “30 under 30,” people who are already accomplished before they even hit this age. Maybe it’s seeing people younger than you start the same job as you already having completed their master’s with a plan to use the job as a steppingstone to something better. Whatever it is, I have this feeling that I’ve let past Ariel and present Henry (my son) down.
I question why I got married at nineteen. I question why I shared my body with someone who I wasn’t married to or strongly committed to, resulting in a child. I question if the location I live at is right for me and my son. I question my entire existence. Is this world any better because I’m in it? Would it matter if I never existed or stopped existing suddenly?
All I know is that I am trying to take that Jennifer Garner, 13 Going on 30, energy into my 30s. I plan to continue pursuing my passion for writing. I want to grow my blog to touch lives. I want to publish a debut novel. I want to be the best mom possible for my son. I want to be open to the possibility of finding a lifelong partner.
I want to spread the joy of having a day to celebrate yourself.
Maybe you don’t want to wear a tiara or sport sparkly shoes but find something that makes you feel like the valuable person you are. You deserve to be celebrated. You deserve to have the love and care of others, directed at you. You deserve the world, even if you don’t always know how you fit in or why you’re here. We’ll figure life out together!
We are struggling with so much every day. I am here to be an advocate for mental health and helping others. If you’re struggling with an internal battle, just know, I am here with you! My website/blog and social media page are safe places! Share your dreams and your struggles. Life isn’t easy but you’re doing great!
Blobcat (1st photo) and Figaro (2nd photo) also share my birthday so please enjoy these pictures to celebrate them as well!
Ariel Pierce 