“Yo, why do you have me legit processing you quitting, in therapy?”
I’ll get back to that quote in a bit.
Before I began my current job, I hadn’t held a position for more than two years. Prior to my current one, I worked at/for Amazon, my college’s cafeteria (making the best sandwiches ever), Target, a family as a caregiver, and a parent’s day out daycare program.
The statistics are likely out there somewhere about the most likely places for someone to make a friend. My guesses are:
Daycare
School
Work
Church
Neighborhood
Social Media
Etc.
Basically, proximity contributes to the development of friendships. The closer you are and the more often you are around someone, the more likely you are to develop a friendship. I imagine the statistics are similar for romantic relationships.
For the sake of this Mental Health Monday blog, I am sticking to friendships; specifically, work friendships.
Amazon only led to two tiny scars on my left hand but no significant friendships. Working in my school’s cafeteria led to a few friendships, but mostly ones where we exchange likes on social media posts and do not speak outside of that.
If you’ve read all my blogs, you likely met Samantha. She is my best friend and the main character of the novel, GTS, I hope to publish one day. Aside from my current job, Target is the only other place where I made multiple significant friendships. You’ll likely see three other friends appear in the novel. I won’t share their names as I haven’t asked permission.
The four significant friendships I made at Target mean the world to me. The issue is proximity. I moved away in 2015 (due to a questionable choice in romantic partner…). I’d known for some time that I wasn’t the best at keeping in contact with people who lived far away. It’s not as if the love goes away, it’s simply that my brain struggles to focus on anything outside of what’s right in front of me.
I will forever be grateful for the people I met while working for a family and for a daycare program. They were the ones to push me to follow my dreams and find a career that fit my abilities and desires. I appreciate their friendships but in a different way.
I’ve long felt as if friends held a different meaning depending on when they’re in your life and what you’re going through at the time. For example, I have:
- Childhood friends – these are friends I remember enjoying having around during school.
- Kentucky friends – these are the friends I had during elementary-high school but still communicate with and visit from time to time.
- College friends – these are friends I made in college, regardless of the college.
- Miscellaneous friends – these are friends I met randomly and have maintained contact with over the years.
- Work friends – these are friends I communicate with because of proximity at work.
- Texas friends – these are friends that are a combination of college and work but remained in contact with over the years.
Each of these categories have a range. I have what I would consider “best friends” in multiple of the categories. I also have some friends that are more like mentors and have pushed me to become a better human. The beauty of friendship is that it can change and grow. Friendship can also be temporary. That doesn’t necessarily have to be a bad thing, but it feels strange as it’s happening.
A few years ago, I created a Facebook post about friendships being temporary. I think everyone knows that friendships and relationships, in general, can fizzle out. At the time I wrote the post, I was in my feels about feeling like all my friendships were gone. All the people I once called my “best friend” hadn’t talked to me in a long time. I felt I had no idea how to be a good friend or keep positive friendships.
Work friendship wise, the friends I made at Target are the longest friendships I have but I know they’re not up to the standard they deserve. I check in when my brain lets me focus and then I realize it’s been another couple of months between the conversations I started and forgot to finish.
Since working at my current job, I’ve met many amazing humans. Working in a helping profession creates a unique bond between coworkers. We need a positive relationship with coworkers as we process the challenges we’re presented daily. The trauma we experience in our field forces us to rely on each other in ways you likely wouldn’t in other jobs.
Unfortunately, my job has a low retention rate. Many amazing humans onboard and offboard within a few months. I’ve said goodbye to quite a few coworkers who became friends and eventually turned into the friends who, again, just exchange social media likes.
However, I’ve also been blessed with friendships that continued long after the coworker relationship ended. My son has two “TTs” and I have two sisters thanks to my current job (one was my coworker, the other I met through the coworker). They were there when my son was born and will likely be in our lives forever (although they moved away, and my heart is a bit broken)! I have a few friends I communicate with in text chains and share a lunch with here and there, and some who also watch my son when I work late.
I’ve been working at my job since February of 2017. 2022 has seen the most significant losses and the reason I thought about this blog concept. The only remaining coworker, who has been in the same position as me since I started, will have their last day the day this blog is posted.
Their departure has been known for quite a while, but it still doesn’t hurt any less. I’ve never spent any time with this coworker outside of work but sometimes you truly don’t recognize the importance of your coworkers until they leave. Seeing someone in the office across from you for five plus years, sharing hectic work stories, building a friendship somewhere along the way, and then knowing you may never see them again is so weird.
I love all the new coworkers I’ve met over the years but there’s something about having someone who has been there since the beginning that feels significant. Now, I’m a relic. (There are definitely people who have been at the job longer than me, but none that I interact with regularly).
So, yes, I have been complaining to my therapist about losing who I would consider my “work best friend.” I’ve been complaining to my “work best friend” about losing “my work best friend,” as you can tell by the quote that started this blog.
It’s important that we show gratitude towards the people who come into our lives. Many coworkers will likely only be there for a season or turn into another “friend” on Facebook (or whatever social media is your preference), but I like to think these people are in our lives for a reason.
My mental health wouldn’t be where it is without some of these people. Many of my coworkers inspired me to seek out mental health support when I was struggling after becoming a single mom. Samantha inspires me to follow my dreams and keep fighting no matter what life throws my way.
Thank you to all the amazing people who I’ve met through the years.
Fun fact: You may see a few of their names as characters in a future novel!
To my work friends: Thanks for being a part of my story and possibly my future fictional ones as well!
I love you, all!
We are struggling with so much every day. I am here to be an advocate for mental health and helping others. If you’re struggling with an internal battle, just know, I am here with you! My website/blog and social media page are safe places! Share your dreams and your struggles. Life isn’t easy but you’re doing great!
Ariel Pierce 