It’s my 20th blog post and what better way to celebrate than writing about peer pressure for Mental Health Monday!
Peer pressure is being influenced by one’s peer group. Peer pressure is addressed most as a teenager and comes up in shows geared towards teens, addressed by parents and teachers, and is gone by the time you turn 21. Once you’re legal to drink, it seems no one cares about it anymore.
The most common peer pressure message I received growing up was about alcohol and drugs. They had presentations from Mothers Against Drunk Driving (MADD), local police departments, and would fit it in casually any chance possible. The second place message was about sex. They showed us photos of sexually transmitted diseases and STD became an instant joke in the schools. The implication that death was imminent if we had sex before we were “ready” seemed extreme.
Alcohol and drugs can be dangerous. Sex before you’re ready can lead to consequences you did not want. Being pressured to do these things when you don’t want to is horrific. These concepts need to be addressed. I’m not certain the aggressive nature that they were growing up is the best way to go about it but it is still important.
I recall being in eighth grade in the middle of three peers (by a teacher set seating chart) who were discussing sex. I took home a fake baby in seventh grade and watched a video about giving birth. We were all aware of the concept of sex but I was no where near having that experience so it felt wild to me that they were having this conversation.
I recall being in high school and hearing about my friends and classmates who went to parties and got drunk. Alcohol was the furthest thing from my mind. I knew it existed as my father loved it but it never appealed to me.
There are plenty of times when these topics have entered my life but no one prepared me for the continued pressure into adulthood.
No one prepared me for the constant pressure I would feel about choosing a more practical career from those who heard I wanted to pursue a writing career.
No one prepared me for the pressuring comment “just get a babysitter.”
No one prepared me for the time a peer would try to pressure me to leave my black husband for someone who looked like me.
No one prepared me for the pressure of moving back home.
No one prepared me for all the pressuring “I want to get you drunk” comments because a 30 year old who doesn’t drink is fascinating.
No one prepared me for all the times I would feel pressured to go to lunch with coworkers.
No one prepared me for the pressure of having people race up behind me while driving, honk their horns, flash their lights, and wave aggressively while I legally pass someone in the left lane.
No one prepared me for the pressure I would feel to attend church and the pressure I would feel not to attend church.
I’m learning how to set boundaries. I know some of these likely seem trivial. Your responses are probably, “just say no,” “why are you in the left lane going the speed limit anyways,” or “you’re being too sensitive.”
It’s not about the seriousness of these pressures. It’s more about the fact that we’re ill prepared to manage adult life. We don’t think that the pressures will continue once we’ve made it past our teenage years and alcohol isn’t the main focus of everyone’s life anymore. We don’t think about all the tiny microaggressions that pick away at our resolve to do what is best for our lives.
I know my friends who comment about me moving back home mean well. I would love to be able to see them all the time. I know my coworkers are simply wanting an hour to escape from our stressful job. I know how rare it is to find an adult that doesn’t drink alcohol. It probably would be entertaining for my friends.
Not every comment is intended to cause harm. Many people have no clue that the comments they made may have impacted someone.
My purpose for writing about peer pressure isn’t to make anyone feel any type of way for doing the things that make me feel pressured. It’s simply a reminder to everyone who feels pressure in their life that it will likely be a lifelong experience. We’re going to be annoyed by someone we deem a jerk while driving. We’re going to deal with racist, ignorant people more than we should. We’re going to deal with societal and peer pressures about religion. We’re going to continue to love our friends who make the comments that make our soul feel a bit guilty.
It’s okay to set boundaries. It’s okay to say no to things that most others don’t. It’s okay to follow your heart. It’s okay to do what is best for your body. It’s okay to choose the job that you want to pursue. It’s okay to follow a religion (so long as you’re not using that religion to cause harm to others).
Whatever you do, if it doesn’t cause harm to another person, it’s okay. You are not responsible for helping others understand your choices. Your choices do not have to make others comfortable.
Say no. I’ve seen many coworkers burn themselves out because they struggle to use that word. They feel pressured to help and do more because saying no feels like the world may end for the person that needs help.
I know there are likely thousands of other examples of peer pressure experienced by an adult that had nothing to do with alcohol, drugs, or sex. My examples are simply ones that came to my mind when I sat down to write this blog.
I’m currently feeling pressured to stop writing and go to sleep so my personal trainer will be impressed that I’ve been sleeping more.
Whenever your head hits the pillow, you are alone with your thoughts. It’s a moment you reflect on your day. You are the only one who has to live with the choices you make. Peer pressure will always exist. Societal pressures will always exist. Family pressures will always exist. Your continued existence is most important. You matter. Your life matters. Do what makes you feel satisfied with your choices when you close your eyes to sleep.
We are struggling with so much every day. I am here to be an advocate for mental health and helping others. If you’re struggling with an internal battle, just know, I am here with you! My website/blog and social media page are safe places! Share your dreams and your struggles. Life isn’t easy but you’re doing great!
Ariel Pierce 