To Clean or Not to Clean

It’s been about a month since I posted a Mental Health Monday blog. 

My mental health took a couple of hits recently that took away my spark to write.  I didn’t want to create any reactive material that lacked substance and wreaked anger.  I didn’t want to turn my physical tears into written sadness.  I’m still processing my feelings, mostly in therapy.  I’m really over here questioning all of my life choices and how I want to move forward in some aspects. 

I have a list of blog concept ideas, but more often than not, they sit on a list gathering dust until a burst of inspiration brings forth a post I feel is worthy to share with other humans.  Since my writing spark has been stomped on a bit, I am mostly writing out of sheer force.  I want to be open with my readers about my ongoing struggles while still putting out some sort of content that may be beneficial to someone.  

This blog idea has been kicking around in my brain for a few weeks.  A conversation with one of my teenage clients inspired me to use this concept for Mental Health Monday.  My teenage client is not a fan of some of their house chore rules.  I shared with them about my teenage attitude about chores.  I recall telling my mom “If you don’t want to see my dirty room, don’t come in here.”  Basically, I told them I get that cleaning feels super obnoxious and parents always seem to be doing too much. 

Then I gave them a little bit of a reality check.  My mom absolutely drove me bonkers as a kid.  She would constantly state the house was a mess and my brother and I would look around trying to find what it was that she deemed messy.  We, without a doubt, had the cleanest house out of all our friends.  I couldn’t wait to have my own place to get out from under her strict cleaning rules. 

Now that I’m a mom and have my own apartment, I regret so much.  I shared my regrets with my teenage client.  The reality is, when you are the primary person responsible for your home, your perspective shifts, or at least it did for me.  I am turning into my mom.  My cleaning standards are the farthest point humanly possible from teenage Ariel’s cleaning standards.  I have a place for everything and if I don’t I will hit add to cart until I’ve found some sort of container to ensure each item has a home.  I hate seeing dishes and laundry piling up.  

My teenage client reported to understand why their caregiver has high standards but still reported irritation.  I validated the irritation because I felt and still feel similar feelings.  

The reason this topic fits into the Mental Health Monday blog is because our homes are tied to our mental health.  I’m sure there is research out there about how cleanliness of your home can positively or negatively impact your mental health but I am going to speak to my experience alone, since I am an expert on my own thoughts and experiences. 

My mom would never (this is probably a stretch but it felt like never) leave dishes in the sink overnight and laundry would be promptly put away.  She is still this way and I didn’t understand why until I became a mom.  Pre-momhood Ariel had no qualms about leaving dishes or having items accumulate wherever they landed.  Now I feel embarrassed when my son goes to put a dish in the sink and it’s so full that he comes back asking what he should do.  I get embarrassed when I go to put shoes on his feet or give him a bath and notice dirt and crumbs on the bottoms of his feet.  I cringe when he climbs on top of the laundry pile that has been occupying his favorite jump spot on the love seat in my room.  I feel terrible when he trips over the vacuum I’ve completely ignored for a few days instead of putting it in its designated spot.  

My cleaning standards are high but my mental health doesn’t always match.  My mom washes dishes every day because if she doesn’t, it’s easier for the pile to get larger and more overwhelming.  That’s exactly what happens to me at times.  One day of ignored dishes turns into my cabinets being empty of all dishware.  Once it’s gotten to that point, I am more likely to eat out because it doesn’t require dishes but then leads to financial stress or negative thoughts because I’m not eating as healthy and avoiding health goals all in the name of avoiding washing dishes.  

The same goes for laundry.  If I put one load on the chair and leave it, somehow a month has gone by, four more loads have been added, and my outfits are chosen by digging for something that hasn’t been too wrinkled or covered in cat hair over the weeks. 

I’m nowhere near my mom’s level of actions when it comes to keeping a clean home.  However, I appreciate her abilities and hope I can teach my son the value of cleaning and how it truly does have an impact on our mental health.  

Another aspect of keeping up with your home is the concept of “out of sight, out of mind.”  I try to stay on top of what is easily visible.  Anything that doesn’t cause any issues or I can ignore is less likely to get done.  My bed and my bathroom are the main areas that I stay on top of.  I hang out on my bed often and use the bathroom regularly so keeping them clean feels necessary.  I can turn off the kitchen light and pretend it doesn’t exist if I want.  I can easily walk past the love seat and pretend the laundry isn’t reaching a height taller than myself.  I can close the microwave, close the blinds, ignore the dust, and wear socks if I don’t want to notice crumbs easily.  

I see posts on social media about saying things like, “the dishes can wait, spend time with your children.”  I would have likely shown that to my mom as a kid had social media been as prominent as it is now.  Now, it irritates me.  Everyone needs to do what works for them.  For me, I’m following in my mom’s footsteps and seeing the value of cleaning as soon as you can.  One days worth of dishes can turn into weeks of battling a mental health fight you didn’t want to fight.  

I’ve used cleaning as a huge bonding activity for my son.  He loves washing out his cups.  He knows where all his dishes go when they’re clean.  He loves chasing me around with his toy vacuum while I use the real one.  He is amazing at putting up all his toys in their corresponding buckets.  Our children are possibly going to be on their own one day.  It’s not easy figuring out an ideal balance, even more so as a single parent when you’re responsible for everything and cannot split with a partner. 

Find out what works for you, your family, and your home, and do that.  If it’s not perfect, it’s okay.  I know the feelings of feeling like you’re failing.  It’s a battle we’ll likely face until the end of time.  I constantly complain to my mom, “IT NEVER ENDS.  THERE’S ALWAYS SOMETHING TO DO.” 

It never ends.  There’s always something to do. 

Do your best.  That’s all you can do!

For real, though.  If anyone wants to come clean my microwave, clean the window seals, dust, and mop my floors, I would be forever grateful.  

Here’s a few photos of the things I consistently ignore because they’re not technically causing any problems.  I also want to ensure people recognize we’re all human and your home doesn’t have to be perfect. 

The lighting is terrible in this picture… Another thing on my list of things I need to do but keep ignoring because it’s manageable. Two of the lights are out in my ceiling fan. This is one area that I give up on often. My son is always ninja kicking, jumping, and throwing hands all around this area above my bed. No matter how often I straighten these paintings, they end up like this by the end of the day.

Did I mention my son tripping over our vacuum? It 100% happened this morning (the day before this blog is posted)… This is also laundry from this weekend. I put up a larger pile before this one yesterday. IT NEVER ENDS.

The current status of my kitchen (the day before this blog is posted). This is actually a pretty decent state! I found the will power to wash my dishes tonight. However, I can bet the dishes hang out on the rack for quite a bit of time. Can we talk about how awesome this drying rack is? I highly recommend it for anyone with limited counter space and who doesn’t want to use a counter drying rack.