How did a church sermon inspire a blog about being ghosted and relationships in general?
I just plugged in my Ipod and Kelly Clarkson’s song What Doesn’t Kill You (Stronger) came on and now I’m even more ready to explain so many things.
Scoffing is the general reaction to people saying things like “God spoke to me,” or “I heard God so clearly.” I don’t get it. I’m constantly begging to hear something. Literally words. I would love to have God appear and be like “DO THIS, DUMMY.” I assume God wouldn’t call me a dummy but I need instructions like those yellow dummy instruction manuals I recall from childhood.
Recently, I’ve been feeling the words “God has plans for me,” playing over and over in my head. I went to church the last two weeks and both the main pastor and a guest pastor said those exact words. I often feel like the message is meant for me but even more so these last two weeks.
I’ve been hating everything and everyone (probably not everyone but I’m being dramatic for entertainment purposes). My job brings me loads of anxiety. Being a single parent drains my energy battery consistently. Being single in general makes me feel some type of way and my therapist is probably tired of hearing about it.
A couple of weeks ago I met a cutie patootie on the dating app I’ve been using. He seemed nice, was great at banter, and I appreciated the ease of being around him. He asked me to be his girlfriend fairly quickly after spending time together. After a fun and honestly lovely week, I never saw him again. He kept talking to me for a bit, but then *poof.* He was gone and I’ve never been more confused.
Did I come on here to complain about being ghosted? Am I writing this with the hopes of him reading it and knowing how uncool it is to ghost someone? Probably a bit of both. However, it’s more than that.
I’m writing this blog because I love to write. This topic is something that is on my mind and I felt motivated to write about it. This brings me back to the words playing in my head. God has plans for me. I’ve dreamt of being a published author and writing, regardless of what it’s about, brings me closer to my dreams.
I’ve felt that writing is part of God’s plan for me. After hearing the message at church this past Sunday, the first thing that came to my mind is that I need to write. Everything in me screamed that this is something I needed to do. I started with my journal and began complaining to it about being single and then this blog came to my mind.
The pastor stated “We will never complete anything if our intentions are without actions.” Oof. I’ve been ignoring my computer. I’ve been ignoring my journals. I’ve been binge watching tv shows and scrolling TikTok to pass the time instead of doing things that will bring me closer to my dreams. How can I continue to pray to God about being clear when I’m not listening. I’m blocking him out with Sister, Sister reruns or anything else I can use to drown my depressing thoughts.
I’m a writer. I’m going to be a published author. This blog is every bit about motivating my dreams as it is about relationships. Now, my mom helped with a little inspiration behind this blog. She suggested I write down a list of what I’m looking for in a potential partner and pray on finding someone that meets the list.
My immediate reaction is to complain. I told her I’ve tried that before and God didn’t listen. I said what I say over and over that I can’t hear God and don’t think he listens to me. I remembered while writing this blog that I found a journal a few weeks back with a list exactly like the one she suggested. I wrote it back in September of 2019.
Honestly, it’s a fairly superficial list. I’ll share the picture on my Instagram so you can see the official list but I’ll list what it says here:
“In no Particular Order…
Loves Disney
Has ambition/dreams
Is at least my height/taller
No more than 7 years older than me
No more than 3 years younger than me
Is fit/healthy
Has a job
Lives alone or has no issues with moving
Wants to travel
Loves giraffes
Has a degree or is working on getting one
Can discuss politics/religion/race without getting angry
Loves to read/wants a library in future home
Has good teeth
Doesn’t drink or smoke
Follows basic traffic/driving laws
Doesn’t need to be told to help around the house
No sex before marriage”
I share this part of myself to speak on what it’s like being single and exploring relationships. I’m literally asking for someone to simply not hate on the fact that I have a large giraffe collection and stop at stop signs. It’s not that difficult.
In all seriousness, we should be more thoughtful about our potential partners. Are they kind to strangers? Do they interact with children with ease and no creepiness? Do they have a sense of humor? There are so many more things than my simple list from 2019. I didn’t write anything else in the journal after I made this list and don’t believe I looked back at it until I stumbled across it a few weeks ago. I obviously didn’t take it too seriously and know that I never prayed about it like my mother suggested.
I complain about being single often. It’s such a weird place to be when you’re in your 30’s and feel like you’re missing out on something. I’ve always thought that I make a great partner. I’ve always wanted to make someone laugh and cheer them on in all their dreams.
Relationships are the same as my dreams. God has a plan for me. I don’t know what that plan is and I still would love for Him to come scream it in my face but I’m finding the path to patience, even if it’s filled with many complaints to my therapist.
Church has been huge for me. I’ve felt a lot closer to God than when I’m out here in the wilderness wild ’n out with no assistance. Writing is also huge for me. When I write, I feel such a freedom I can’t explain. I feel like I’m truly doing God’s calling.
So, even though I am salty about being ghosted, I’m still out here with hope about God’s plan. I’m curious what everyone else’s future partner lists look like. I feel like lately I’ve been using math.
The humor of my college best friend +
The height of my baby daddy+
The accent of an ex+
The faith of a college friend+
The ambition of this recent ghoster+
I don’t know what kind of person those things would equal but it’s hard not to compare people to the people you’ve met and possibly dated in the past. I have no idea what my future partner’s total being will be but I’m excited to find out.
I’m thankful for this opportunity to write about my life and share a little of my goofiness with the world. I’m thankful to my church for inspiring me to put actions along with my prayers. I plan to continue building my relationship with God and hope to better understand His plans for me! Thank you for coming along this journey with me!
Ariel Pierce 