Good Things Can Happen

I sat down to write a different blog than the one that you are reading. I planned to write a book club blog update.

However, something else came into my brain. I thought back to someone I spoke with recently. I thought back to the pain screaming out from them behind their smile. I thought back to hearing the words, “I don’t want to hurt myself, but I’m ready to die.” The thoughts over powered me and inspired a turn of events for the time I planned to spend writing.

I wrote a blog in 2022 titled, “Stop Telling People Life Will Get Better.”

I hadn’t read it from the time I published it until I sat down to write these words. I thought about the blog related to this one, because when I spoke with the person saying that devastating statement, I also thought about it in that moment.

My response was, “I can’t promise you life will get better, but I will say that good things can happen.”

My sister-in-law commented on the post I made when I published, “Stop Telling People Life Will Get Better.” I can’t remember word for word what she said, but basically she said I may want to add a trigger warning.

At the time, I was in the midst of a decade long depression spell. I kept hearing and seeing comments, videos, and conversations stating something along the lines of the last four words of that title. It made me so angry. The reality is, I wrote the blog for myself. I validated my own feelings in it. I said what I needed to hear at the time. I didn’t think the truth needed a trigger warning.

I stand by everything I wrote even today.

My sister-in-law is right though, if trigger warnings are effective, that blog would likely need one.

Either way, the point of that one and this one is the same. I’m attempting to help support people’s mental health needs. I’m just going to do it a little differently than the depressed version of myself did.

I came in hot in that blog. It catches your attention and probably scares you for a bit. It seems very depressing. I get to a helpful point towards the end.

There’s a lot of intro to this blog, so it can’t be as catchy. It’s not going to be as depressing. My helpful point is a little higher up, about five paragraphs down. The point is, “I can’t promise you life will get better, but I will say that good things can happen.”

When I responded to the person, who literally said the same words that I thought for long, I wanted to take away the pain with everything that I had. I know what it feels like to not want to exist anymore. I hate knowing someone feels the darkness that tried to consume me. However, like I said in the other blog, I don’t want to invalidate anyone’s feelings. I truly believe that saying “Life will get better” invalidates their experience and feelings. You can’t promise that to anyone. When you’re depressed, you generally aren’t really going to believe a statement like that anyways.

Even in the midst of my depression, I never confronted anyone with any sort of belief that life is always going to suck and nothing will ever change that. Most of what I said then focused on validating how incredibly difficult being a human is. I tried to point out that they were doing their best with what was available to them. I pointed out that systemic issues have likely contributed to their problems. I pointed out their lack of support system made them less effective in making choices they really wanted to make.

I still believe that all of those methods are helpful. However, now I can try to help build some healthy coping skills.

I can’t take any sort of credit for this concept. It’s a common therapeutic technique that I’m pretty sure is called reframing. It’s been a minute since I have worked towards my clinical mental health counseling degree, but I do remember this one.

Basically, you’re attempting to reframe your thought processes from a more negative mindset to a more positive one.

My therapist helped me attempt this, but I was terrible at being consistent. I imagine most depressed people may have the same issue. Nevertheless, if you practice it frequently, you may not get hit so hard when life tries to take you down.

My therapist often told me to try and write down good things that happened to me. He told me over and over to try and come up with anything each day that was positive, no matter how small. I tried it briefly and then would quit and get overwhelmed with the terrible things that would happen.

Here’s a photo from November of 2021. This is probably the only full month that I actually wrote something down every day. I had to mark out names of clients I had, so that’s why some of it looks a little funky.

What I also told the person I met with recently is that, “nothing good can happen if you’re not here.” That seemed to spark something in them. I told them about the concept of focusing on the little things, focusing on the possibilities, and coming up with as many “good things” as they could.

I helped them come up with a list.

I want to do that now. In my previous blog, I wrote about all the ways life is hard. Now, I want to focus on all the ways life can bring joy. This is not an all inclusive list. These are just some examples to get people thinking!

1. You ever just make a really fantastic sandwich? That brings me joy.
2. You ever looked at the sky and seen a cloud shaped like something else? That brings me joy.
3. You ever have a really good stretch after sitting down for a while? That brings me joy.
4. You ever seen a kiddo you love laugh so hard? That brings me joy.
5. You ever found a penny heads up on the ground? That brings me joy.
6. You ever gotten a text/call from a friend you haven’t heard from in a while? That brings me joy.
7. You ever write with a just straight spectacular pen? That brings me joy.
8. You ever see someone driving silly and then get pulled over in front of you? That brings me joy.
9. You ever find a precious stuffed animal that fits your vibe? That brings me joy.
10. You ever smell grass after it’s freshly cut? That brings me joy.
11. You ever eaten an ice cream cone? That brings me joy.
12. You ever see someone you love at the end of a tough day and they smile at you? That brings me joy.
13. You ever squished your toes in sand? That brings me joy.
14. You ever hear the click of a satisfying fidget toy? That brings me joy.
15. You ever took a whiff of a flower that you like? That brings me joy.
16. You ever had your nails painted and they look fire? That brings me joy.
17. You ever looked in the mirror and thought how beautiful you are? That brings me joy.
18. You ever eaten white cheddar cheez its? That brings me joy.
19. You ever blow a dandelion into the wind? That brings me joy.
20. You ever showered with your spouse? That brings me joy.
21. You ever found a bandaid that sticks so much better than other ones? That brings me joy.
22. You ever seen someone smile when they talk about something they are passionate about? That brings me joy.
23. You ever built something by yourself and thought that you’re a badass? That brings me joy.
24. You ever built something really creative with Legos? That brings me joy.
25. You ever seen a cherry blossom tree in person? That brings me joy.
26. You ever played the game Yahtzee? That brings me joy.
27. You ever gone for a walk in the Spring? That brings me joy.
28. You ever seen a double rainbow? That brings me joy.
29. You ever seen a book you enjoyed have a decent movie adaptation? That brings me joy.
30. You ever let out an impressive burp? That brings me joy.
31. You ever thought about how cute Bonsai trees are? That brings me joy.
32. You ever seen GloFish? That brings me joy.
33. You ever DIY’d something and it work out perfectly? That brings me joy.
34. You ever stood under a shower head with perfect water pressure? That brings me joy.
35. You ever sat in a comfy recliner? That brings me joy.
36. You ever eaten cheese fries? That brings me joy.
37. You ever used a computer keyboard with the perfect level of key clickiness? That brings my joy.
38. You ever swam in perfectly clear water? That brings me joy.
39. You ever see a tiny version of something that’s typically large? That brings me joy.
40. You ever found the perfect greeting card for someone? That brings me joy.
41. You ever gone rollerblading? That brings me joy.
42. You ever danced a silly dance with someone when you’re being goofy? That brings me joy.
43. You ever find a random figure of something you enjoy (example: giraffe)? That brings me joy.
44. You ever eaten pie? That brings me joy.
45. You ever hear a song that fits perfectly with how you’re feeling? That brings me joy.
46. You ever found something you’ve been wanting on major clearance? That brings me joy.
47. You ever climb a tree? That brings me joy.
48. You ever watched a hilarious tv show? That brings me joy.
49. You ever found a jacket that works with any outfit? That brings me joy.
50. You ever cleaned up a decent sized spill with the exact amount of paper towels you yanked off the roll? That brings me joy.
51. You ever found a delicious smelling perfume/cologne? That brings me joy.
52. You ever stood in the rain? That brings me joy.
53. You ever met a coworker who eventually becomes a lifelong friend? That brings me joy.
54. You ever cast a fishing rod? That brings me joy.
55. You ever eaten breakfast food? That brings me joy.
56. You ever smelled a scented stuffed animal? That brings me joy.
57. You ever colored in the lines of a coloring sheet like a boss? That brings me joy.
58. You ever put on a new pair of socks? That brings me joy.
59. You ever gotten to decorate an office at a job? That brings me joy.
60. You ever seen a hammerhead shark? That brings me joy.
61. You ever busted out a perfectly timed joke? That brings me joy.
62. You ever cuddled a puppy? That brings me joy.
63. You ever rubbed your tongue across your freshly brushed teeth? That brings me joy.
64. You ever laid on freshly cleaned sheets? That brings me joy.
65. You ever visited your grandparents and they slip some money to you? That brings me joy.
66. You ever given someone the perfect gift that led to them crying tears of joy? That brings me joy.
67. You ever found a new hobby? That brings me joy.
68. You ever received a compliment from a stranger? That brings me joy.
69. You ever had a brilliant hair day? That brings me joy.
70. You ever reached a goal you’ve been working towards? That brings me joy.
71. You ever played a fun card game? That brings me joy.
72. You ever found the most perfect stationary items? That brings me joy.
73. You ever find a hidden gem restaurant? That brings me joy.
74. You ever looked up at the stars and had a calm feeling rush over you? That brings me joy.
75. You ever heard a sermon at church that felt meant for you? That brings me joy.
76. You ever opened an umbrella indoors to test out a superstition? That brings me joy.
77. You ever have a positive coparenting moment? That brings me joy.
78. You ever see a friend or family member achieve a goal? That brings me joy.
79. You ever see someone you love become a parent? That brings me joy.
80. You ever find a movie character that you like and begin collecting their memorabilia? That brings me joy.
81. You ever say the word noodle? That brings me joy.
82. You ever draw a perfect love heart? That brings me joy.
83. You ever watch people get pearls out of clams? That brings me joy.
84. You ever found a dress you like and then realize it also has pockets? That brings me joy.
85. You ever kissed your romantic partner? That brings me joy.
86. You ever hugged a cozy stuffed animal? That brings me joy.
87. You ever jumped on a trampoline? That brings me joy.
88. You ever had a butterfly or ladybug land on you? That brings me joy.
89. You ever been recognized for your efforts? That brings me joy.
90. You ever watched a cat run around with the zoomies? That brings me joy.
91. You ever pulled the plastic covering off a new electronic device? That brings me joy.
92. You ever squeezed a stress reliever item that had the perfect squeeziness? That brings me joy.
93. You ever ridden on a perfectly fast but also chill amusement park ride? That brings me joy.
94. You ever eaten macaroni and cheese and/or mashed potatoes? That brings me joy.
95. You ever done something you were scared to do and enjoyed it? That brings me joy.
96. You ever read a book that made you cry? That brings me joy.
97. You ever find a small collectible item and then start collecting them everywhere you go? That brings me joy.
98. You ever listened to music through noise cancelling headphones? That brings me joy.
99. You ever played a musical instrument? That brings me joy.
100. You ever eaten a bowl of cereal in the middle of the night? That brings me joy.
101. You ever punched someone after seeing a punch buggy? That brings me joy.
102. You ever heard someone say a clever phrase and then begin using it as well? That brings me joy.
103. You ever watched animals roam around in the wilderness? That brings me joy.
104. You ever memorized a catchy theme song? (There’s 104 days of summer vacation…) That brings me joy.
105. You ever stood at the fridge eating cheese out of the bag trying to figure out what to actually eat? That brings me joy.
106. You ever sucked on a sucker? That brings me joy.
107. You ever ended a list on a number you know someone is gonna think you’re crazy for stopping at? That brings me joy.

Did I do too much?

I’d like to think I didn’t do enough.

There are so many ways to find the joy in life. It’s insanely hard to focus on that in the midst of depression, but maybe having a list like this could help. Remembering to focus on the good things in life helps you reframe your thoughts. It helps fight against the lies your brain tries to tell you.

Sure, life is going to be tough, but good things can happen. You can find joy. There are ways to enjoy life even in the midst of a terrible situation. It’s okay to be down. It’s okay to have bad days. It’s okay to grieve the life you wanted but haven’t achieved or no longer have. However, don’t let anyone, especially yourself, convince you that there’s not good out there.

It’s there.

I’m happy to be here for you while you search for it! Come back to my blog when you’re needing reminders of ways to find joy. I may have only listed things that I’ve experienced, but I imagine every stage of life may bring about new opportunities for joy.

Good things can happen!

You deserve to be here. You deserve to have good things happen to you. You deserve to find joy in your life, even if bad things have happened. You deserve to be loved for simply existing!

Being a human is truly hard, but you’re doing great! Be kind! Love one another! Find joy!