Evidence

Picture it. It’s Christmas Eve. Your children have been asleep for a reasonable amount of time for you to step in and begin to finalize the Christmas magic. You put the presents under the tree. You fill the stockings. You take a bite out of the cookies and drink all the milk left for “Santa.” You maybe leave some tracks that look like Santa’s footprints or reindeer hooves. Then you leave a little note from Santa thanking your children for the snacks and for being so “nice” that year.

What would you call all that?

I’d call it evidence. It’s evidence that Santa exists. It’s evidence of Christmas magic your sweet children can’t even begin to understand. Without all the theatrics in December (even earlier for many) there would not be much reason for children to believe Santa exists.

Christmas music plays everywhere you go. Christmas movie marathons are on every channel (if you haven’t gone completely stream based). Schools host Christmas pageants and hype up the holiday spirit. “Santa’s” face is everywhere you look. You wait in line to get pictures with him for goodness sakes.

With all this “evidence” around, children don’t tend to question their parents for some time about the legitimacy of Santa.

It’s not until they start to be able to notice holes in your story or find counter evidence of their own that the “magic” begins to simply become reality.

You forgot to leave a note. They didn’t get the gift they asked Santa for. They see you putting the gifts under the tree when they got up to use the bathroom. Their friend has a magical elf but they don’t.

Without supportive evidence, Santa doesn’t really make any sense. Our brains like what we can see, but we can easily be convinced something exists if someone we trust tells us it does and creates enough “evidence” to back it up.

Most people believe someone loves them when the evidence backs it up. Their partner listens to them. Their partner shows up for important life events. Their partner says affirming statements. Their partner surprises them with an item or activity they enjoy. Their partner helps care for them when they’re ill. If someone’s partner is rarely around, doesn’t really speak much when they’re ill, forgets important aspects of their life, and isn’t there in times of need, that person is likely not going to believe they are loved even if the person says they do.

Evidence. It could also be considered actions. However you want to classify a verified way to show that something is true.

Jobs expect evidence that you’re doing your job correctly. The government requires evidence to show you are who you say you are. Schools require evidence to show you’re learning the information that is being taught. Evidence is required/preferred all throughout our lives, even if we’re not actively thinking about it.

I’m assuming if you read this far you may be wondering about the point of this blog. The point of this blog is to help people.

Over the last 10ish years of my life, I have worked with the community to help people though hard periods in their lives. I worked for Child Protective Services (CPS) in Texas for seven years. Now I work for a Community Mental Health Clinic.

Honestly, the system is not designed to fully help those struggling. The system can’t easily fix people’s biggest problems which was/is almost always lack of money and lack of support.

Yes, illegal substances were involved in the majority of cases I worked in CPS. Yes, some clients I work with now have a substance use history. The reality is, a major barrier for people overcoming substance usage is that they lack healthy support and money to address problems in their lives that tend to trigger them to use.

Despite the difficulties and barriers, I have seen many fight their hardest to do things even without the finances and support they need. I have seen many fight despite having awful legal representation. I have seen people fight and no one believed them. I have seen people fight and listened to others cut them down or say it will never be enough. I have seen individuals who represent the state lie and be believed because of who they represent.

The judicial system is not fair. A judge can do pretty much do whatever they want to do if they’re creative enough with how they do it. Some give grace. Some don’t. It can depend on their mood, whether an election is upcoming, or who the case is involving. Also a case is only as strong as the evidence presented. Even if it’s not true, if you make a compelling enough argument, you may be able to convince the jury or judge to doubt. In a lot of cases, doubt is enough to ruin a person. A parent can be trying their hardest but if no one has the evidence, it doesn’t matter.

Unfortunately, I’m sure there are parents out there who would not speak highly of me. I did have to testify and make recommendations to permanently remove parental rights for parents who the evidence suggested were not safe. I tried to tell all the parents I worked with that I would do everything in my power to help them. I tried to tell them that all I do is report evidence. I tried to tell them that I would not do anything to harm them, but simply report to the court the facts. Sometimes the facts didn’t look great for them. I live with their faces in my head forever now. Terminating a parents rights is horrific. I hated it, but I also know that I did so with the children’s best interests in mind. I tried to tell the parents that their children would be adults some day and hopefully they can be in a better position to still be present in their children’s lives. I strongly advocated for family placements and for foster parents to do everything in their power to keep biological family involved if they weren’t necessarily safe to be caregivers.

I reported a few concerns during my time at CPS. Racist workers. Homophobic workers. Straight liars. Unfortunately, more often than not excuses were made to justify that person’s actions, they moved to a county where their behavior is more tolerable, or they were my superior, and I was accused of being hostile.

I left CPS about two years ago. My husband’s child’s other parent became involved in a Department of Community Based Services (DCBS) case last year. While the case has since closed, I experienced what it was like to be on the other side of a caseworker visit. Unfortunately, it was a horrific experience. The workers were unprofessional, falsified documentation, lied about having conversations with my husband, and honestly completely ignored child safety. I reported the concerns over and over, and I have no reason to believe anything was done as the concerns only increased the higher up the chain I had to go.

Through my current position, I have seen parents be mistreated, ignored, and honestly talked about as if they were the scum of the Earth.

There’s quite a bit of nuance to this, but I don’t trust DCBS in my town. I don’t trust CPS in Texas. In saying that, I met so many phenomenal workers during my time at CPS, and I know there’s bound to be at least one decent person that works for DCBS where I live now.

Like I stated, I’m writing this blog to help. I don’t want to increase anyone’s anxiety, because if you’re like me, you’ve probably already got enough. However, unfortunately, you should be cautious when it comes to systems. Black families around the country already have to tell their children to be cautious as it is, so this isn’t a surprise to Black people.

I’m not saying there aren’t good people in systems trying to help, so don’t come for me. I already know. However, it often doesn’t matter how good you are when you’re at the bottom barely being listened to and overwhelmed trying to help all the people being crushed.

I need anyone who reads this to truly look at the heart of what I’m writing. Everyone deserves support, but not everyone can access the same support or has the knowledge to stand up for themselves. Attorneys deserve to be paid, but they’re expensive. Your child can be ripped from you and if you can’t afford an attorney, who knows what could happen.

I’m writing this for everyone, but I’m really writing it for those who lack effective/healthy support and are in the unfortunate position of standing up for themselves alone or who have lackluster support/representation. I love my husband, but if he didn’t have me with the experience that I had, he would have been absolutely f***ed by the system and how horrific these people attempted to treat him. I wouldn’t let it happen to him, and I’m not going to let it happen to others if I can do something to prevent it!

I know this is long, but please hang in there. A few comments I need to add before I get to my suggestions.

This is NOT legal advice. I am NOT an attorney. I am simply making suggestions that I feel may help in the event you find yourself involved with a system. This is all based on my experience working in a system and as a person impacted by a system’s involvement with my family. I highly suggest legal representation if you can obtain it!

Okay, so now I’m going to list my suggestions. Here we go:

1. DOCUMENT EVERYTHING.

Anytime a system is involved with you, they should be documenting that involvement in their system. You should be doing the same thing. Honestly, if they can, why can’t you? I literally documented every visit DCBS made to our home, phone call, email, and text message in a Microsoft word document. Yes, I have been trained how to document. Many of you won’t have that experience. So, let me tell you what’s important. Write down the date and the time of the contact. Write down the full name of the person(s) who contacted you. Write down the purpose of the contact. Was it a home visit? Was it to let you know of a court date? Was it to let you know of a service they are setting up for you or your family? Whatever the purpose, write it down. If they asked you questions, write them down and what you responded. If you don’t anticipate remembering after the contact, keep a notebook and write it down during the contact. If they don’t like that, who cares! You’re protecting you and your family and have every right to take the time to ensure what is being discussed is documented properly. Ask for the status of your case and document their response.

2. TEXT OR EMAIL OVER CALLS.

This goes along with documenting everything. Systems love phone calls. If there’s proof they called a number, that looks good in court. However, they can document anything they want that occurred in the phone call. They also love to count that as connecting with you and will try to do that over in person visits if they can. Try to avoid long phone calls if you can. Ask for them to text or email the purpose of their call and then respond back to them your answer in text or email. This protects you so you have proof of what was said in court and you don’t tend to find yourself in a he said/she said battle where the people with badges tend to be believed.

3. RECORD.

Honestly, it was a little frustrating to have a camera in my face, but the reality is, I appreciate people trying to protect themselves. I function as if I’m being recorded. I try to be the same everywhere I go. I ain’t trying to lie and harm people. However, many people will and do so happily. Unless there is documentation stating you are not allowed to record, RECORD! If they say you can’t record, then ask for written proof of why. If they provide it, and you don’t feel comfortable proceeding with the conversation, then don’t. If they try to use that against you and say you refused to cooperate, you can say you didn’t feel comfortable because you didn’t have support or the ability to record to protect yourself.

4. DON’T GO TO MEETINGS ALONE.

If you’re meeting with a worker from a system, don’t do it alone. If you don’t have an option, then either record, or don’t go. If you choose not to go, DOCUMENT! Send an email or text to the people who requested the meeting with the reason being that you don’t feel comfortable without support or being allowed to record. Having at least one other person to back you up is helpful if someone attempts to say something happened you know didn’t happen. Is a court going to believe you or multiple CPS people? Unfortunately, without proof, they’re likely not going to believe you. If you have a second person backing you up, it creates doubt. Now, I have had plenty of cases where a client has support and they’re all straight lying. Let’s not do that. I’m writing this with positive intent, not to use it as a manipulative tool. If you’re wrong, admit you’re wrong. I promise if you lie and get away with it, you’re risking a lot if you keep trying to push it. The truth generally finds its way to the light.

5. DO NOT SIGN ANYTHING.

I don’t actually mean do not sign anything, but pretty close. If you can’t read, please for the love of humanity, DO NOT SIGN ANYTHING! I imagine if you can’t read, you’re not reading this. So, for anyone who loves someone who can’t read, PLEASE DO NOT LET YOUR LOVED ONE WHO CANNOT READ SIGN ANYTHING! Ask for it to be noted that you refuse to sign based on inability to read and then for a copy of that note to be provided. Even if you can’t read it, your signature at least won’t be on it. If the document is not in your primary language, DO NOT SIGN IT! I don’t care if it was interpreted. Absolutely not. If someone wants you to sign something, it needs to be in your language. I promise they can pay for the document to be translated. If the document is not final, DO NOT SIGN IT! The DCBS staff attempted to use that one against us in court. They said we refused to sign one of their plans but they clearly stated their handwritten version was not the final document. ABSOLUTELY NOT! I don’t sign documents that aren’t final when a system is involved. I have no reason to believe they won’t add something I didn’t agree to. If the document is final, in your primary language, and you can read and feel comfortable signing, then that’s up to you. If you don’t have legal representation, you can say you would prefer to sign following review by your legal counsel and have that noted as your reason for not signing. If you do sign without legal counsel, request a copy of the document. If they say they’ll have to get it to you later, DO NOT SIGN! They should have a copy available for you. If they don’t, they need to do better. If they tell you that you’re not allowed to have a copy, DO NOT SIGN. What do you mean I can’t have a copy of something I signed? ABSOLUTELY NOT! That’s a lie and sketchy as hell. Again, another thing DCBS tried to pull on my husband. He signed something before asking for a copy, they tried to pull that, and I asked for his signature to be revoked and then they let me scan a copy. Yes, I reported it. No, nothing was done about it. If you sign it, please just make sure you get a copy. You are allowed to refuse signature and still request a copy that way you are fully aware of the reason for refusal. They’re going to paint you as difficult, as they did us, but if you have a justified reason, hopefully the court will understand.

6. KEEP BACK UP RECORDS.

Phones can get damaged. Passwords can be forgotten. Technology is not always reliable. I am a binder girlie. I know people hate to see me coming with a binder nowadays. I’m not playing with people. If you have text messages, screenshot them and print them out. If you have emails, print them out. If you have any type of evidence you want a court to see, print it out! You’re rarely allowed to have your phone with you, but you can bring paper. Bring your evidence and stand up for yourself! Send copies to your family and friends if you have to. Send copies to everyone involved in your case. The more people who have copies of the evidence, the better.

7. SAVE CALL ATTEMPTS.

A lot of times, it’s on you to set up services recommended by a system. They say they’ll help, but more often than not, it’s on you. Sure, there can be arguments made about accountability, but regardless, it’s likely going to be on you at the end of the day. If you call and are not successful, screenshot the call attempt and then forward that info in an email or text to the system you’re working with immediately. If you don’t have a device that can screenshot, then still send an email stating you tried to call and you don’t have a device that can screenshot. Basically, “I tried to call such and such place but I didn’t get an answer. Any support to get this set up is appreciated.” If you have a record of your attempts and notification to the system of the attempts, you can back yourself up in court when someone tries to say you haven’t done what you’re supposed to do. I had a client accused of not doing drug testing, but when I asked their worker where and when they had been set up they said they haven’t set them up yet. You best believe I checked them on that. How you going to say this parent isn’t drug testing when you haven’t requested them to do so?

8. KEEP EMOTIONS LIMITED/STICK TO FACTS.

You best believe the DCBS staff I encountered were called every name I could think of inside my head. In person, I attempted to stick to facts. Sometimes I snapped a little, but I snapped with facts. Systems have no issues attempting to paint you as the crazy one. Even if you’re correct, you come at people with curse words, threats, or perceived hostility, they’re going to paint you as the problem. They’re going to do it even if you’re pleasant, but it’s going to be much harder for you if you’re not. I’ve heard of a few parents concerned about bullying of their kids in school and feeling as if the schools weren’t doing enough. One of these sweet parents is quick to get spicy. I’ve tried to help them reel it in and redirect their valid concerns into productive results. DCBS did not like that I had the knowledge to counter their poor behaviors and they attempted to present me as the problem. I had the evidence to back up that this was not the case. I had the patience to back up that this was not the case. Keep your emotions in check, and come at things with facts and evidence. Emotions are opinions. Facts are facts. You can think someone is a bitch but the why you think that is more important. This person is concerning because they didn’t come to your home to see the child for three months, they falsified documentation, they lied about talking to you for an hour when the record indicates 10 minutes, they attempted to not give you a copy of a document you signed. (Yes, all of this happened to us)

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If you got here, bless you. I appreciate you sticking around. I’m hopeful you won’t find yourself having to use these suggestions, but if you do, I hope they’re helpful. At the end of the day, if you’re moving with intention to keep you and your family safe, you’re doing the best you can.

It’s not easy dealing with failing systems. I hope you find the people out there who actually care, but if you don’t, stay strong. Get informed. Find healthy support and DOCUMENT! Evidence is what helps most people at the end of the day.

Thank you to the helpers who actually care about the people the systems they work with impact. Keep doing the good work!

I love all you beautiful humans. Stay safe out there!