30 Questions to Ask Your Partner, Part 3!

I cried on Thursday of this week (I’m writing this on Saturday).  I realized on Thursday that I did not publish a blog the previous day.  I decided at the first of the year that I would publish a blog every seven days.  I’ve been trying to accomplish bucket list item number 54, “Write a blog a week at least one year.”

Every seven days would mean each Wednesday of the year I would need to publish a blog.  I work a full-time job, I’m a wife, my husband and I have five kids, and we’re just crazy busy.  The idea sounded good initially, but I realized on Thursday that Wednesday is a terrible day to try to have as a deadline.  I had every intention to write a blog; I have twelve drafts waiting for me to finish. 

Wednesdays are probably my least favorite day of the week.  If you know, you know.  If you don’t, just be glad you don’t have to deal with what we deal with on Wednesdays.  Anyways, technically, I have written a blog every full week of the year so far, considering January 1^st was on a Thursday.  I’ve decided, since it’s my bucket list and I can do what I want, that I’m pushing my deadline each week to Saturday.  Hopefully this will help!  If not, I tried my best and will try again next year. 

I have been trying to decide what to write because if nothing is posted today, then everything I wrote above would be irrelevant.  I do have 12 drafts, but none of them are flowing how I want yet, so I’m starting with an idea that came to my mind. 

Today is Valentine’s Day!  It’s the second with my husband, and it looks quite a bit different than last year.  Last year we took a mini trip together and spent some time traveling on our own.  This year we spent the day with two of our kiddos (technically three, but teenagers don’t find hanging out with their parents as cool as a seven and four-year-old do).  Today has been a lot of fun (it’s still in progress)!  We got Valentine’s themed nail polish and matching hair ties for the three of us girls.  My husband and I are wearing matching T-shirts.  It’s been adorable. 

I mention all this, because your life can change a lot in a short amount of time.  When I posted my first “30 Questions to Ask Your Partner” blog, I was single.  When I posted my second, I was single.  I thought it would be fun to post another now that I’m in a relationship.  I’m not just in a relationship, though, I’M MARRIED!  How crazy?  

If y’all have been following me recently, you know I’ve written a few blogs that mention my husband.  I LOVE this man.  He’s my best friend.  I’m trying to keep this man FOREVER. 

Relationships aren’t easy.  I went into my first relationship as an adult with such an innocent mindset.  I know now that there is so much more to a relationship than those initial feelings of excitement.  I think most people know that, but sometimes when you’re in a relationship, you’re an idiot.  It’s important to talk about the things you may not think about when you’re in the idiot phase of a relationship, haha.

So, while most of the questions in the first two parts were silly, I’m going to try to have a more serious version for part three. 

My marriage hasn’t been perfect, but it’s pretty close.  If the outside world would chill the heck out, we’d be golden, honestly.  I want healthy relationships for the whole world.  I want everyone, if they want to, to find an amazing partner like mine.  It’s going to take patience, for sure, but relationships are worth the effort. 

Seriously, though.  My husband and I put a lot of work into our relationship.  We have no interest in letting the other go.  So, here I am with some question ideas to help you decide if your relationship is worth going the distance in!

1. Do you like to shower alone or together?
2. What is your dream job?
3. Do you have any previous partners that are still involved in your life?
4. What are your thoughts about therapy?
5. Do you want children/more children?
6. How often do you do your laundry?
7. Do you clean out your hairbrush often or ignore it until it’s weird?
8. How long would you ideally live where you live now?
9. Do you like to cook or eat out?
10. What do you do to ease stress?
11. How often would you prefer to have sex?
12. Do you know what overstimulated means?
13. What’s a guilty pleasure you find yourself buying often?
14. Do you believe in spanking children?
15. What is your perspective on physical affection aside from sex?
16. Do you have any health goals you’re working towards or want to work towards?
17. Would you participate in a hobby I like but you don’t like as much?
18. Do you need space or connection when you’re upset?
19. How would you feel if your child reported they were LGBTQ+?
20. Do you vote?  Why or why not?
21. How do you like to decorate your space?
22. Are you an indoor or outdoor person?
23. Do you have a habit anyone has mentioned is annoying?
24. How do you like to be celebrated on your birthday?
25. What do your family holidays look like?
26. Do you have any handy skills?
27. Are you interested in traveling?
28. Do you have any thoughts on saving money?
29. What does your bedtime routine look like?
30. Do you attend a church/are you religious?

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If you’ve read the previous two parts, you’ll know that I have to go back through and explain my reasoning behind these questions.  So, here we go!

1. Do you like to shower alone or together?

I’m a showering together girlie.  It’s such a peaceful time with my husband.  Sometimes it’s the one moment we’re alone during a day outside of cuddling up to go to sleep.  I highly suggest showering with your spouse.  Physical affection may not be important to everyone, so you gotta do you, but it’s fun!

2. What is your dream job?

Does your partner want to move across the world to achieve their dream?  Is their dream job to be president and come with a lot of stress?  It’s important to know what your partner may be interested in doing and if you’re going to be up for joining them for the ride. 

3. Do you have any previous partners that are still involved in your life?

Is there an ex hanging around that might cause issues?  Does your partner have children whose other parent might contribute to arguments in your relationship?  Is there a plan for what contact looks like between their previous partner and you as their new partner?

4. What are your thoughts about therapy?

Does your partner understand the value of addressing any past traumas?  Does your partner value seeking expert advice during tough times?  Do they think therapy is stupid and think they should just tough it out.  If you have differing opinions on this, that’s likely going to cause y’all some problems.

5. Do you want children/more children?

If they don’t want children and you do, you should probably just end the relationship.  There’s no sense in hoping maybe they’ll change their mind.  That’s just causing you pain that is not necessary.  Go find someone that’s in the same headspace as you regarding children.  If they want more children, are they involved with the children they already have?  If not, are you sure you want to have more with them?  That doesn’t seem logical. 

6. How often do you do your laundry?

This one has been a struggle for my husband and I!  We don’t really have a schedule and we have five children, so it sometimes overwhelms us.  Not having a schedule has created a few times when we’re frustrated because we don’t have any clean pants or the pile of clean clothes has sat for a few days and we’re all digging in it trying to find socks.  It might be important to know your partner’s plans for addressing these obligations.

7. Do you clean out your hairbrush often or ignore it until it’s weird?

This one makes me giggle.  My husband is always telling me how annoying it is that I don’t clean out my hairbrush.  I don’t know what to tell him, haha!  My ADHD just does not let me care about it past the act of brushing my hair.  I mean, at least I take care of my hair.  He cleans out all our hairbrushes for us.  He’s awesome for that.  It might be helpful to know if your potential spouse is willing to do the weird stuff you neglect to help you out. 

8. How long would you ideally live where you live now?

If your partner wants to stay where they are and never move, but you’d like to explore new places, that’s likely going to cause issues at some point.  It’s probably good to address this one quickly.

9. Do you like to cook or eat out?

This is helpful to address finances.  If someone prefers eating out, that could get expensive.  If neither of you know how to cook, that could become an issue.  If only one of you likes to cook, is the one who likes to cook okay with doing most of the cooking? 

10. What do you do to ease stress?

Do they scream and punch things?  You should probably leave if so.  Do they go for walks?  Do they journal?  Do they ignore you?  Do they talk to you?  This one is so important.  If they can’t handle stress or don’t have any coping skills, that is going to be a major problem.  Stress is going to come, and you and your partner need to know how y’all are going to handle it when it comes. 

11. How often would you prefer to have sex?

Sex is important in a marriage, at least I think so.  If that’s not your thing, you might want to check how your partner feels about that.  Life can get busy, and if you aren’t paying attention, you and your spouse can end up neglecting your relationship because you’re not connecting through physical affection.  When talking with people about relationships, it’s pretty common that when they report there are problems, sex is not occurring.  If you talk about your desires, you’re hopefully less likely to miss the cues from your spouse about when they want/need sex.

12. Do you know what overstimulated means?

Oh man.  If they don’t know, they need to know.  Sometimes my husband be goofing off with me and trying to stick his fingers in my nose or something else goofy.  When the kids have been all up in my space or my body just feels weird, him trying to do goofy stuff just isn’t it for me.  Most other times, I don’t mind.  There are just times when overstimulation can cause conflict if your spouse can’t read your cues.

13. What’s a guilty pleasure you find yourself buying often?

My husband loves to buy Coca Colas.  Sometimes I’m like, bro, you don’t need to be buying a Coca Cola right now.  It’s not necessarily one time that’s an issue, but if money is ever tight, and they’re buying something often, it could become an issue.  That was the only example I could come up with, but you get the concept. 

14. Do you believe in spanking children?

If one of you does and the other doesn’t, it’s going to cause problems.  It’s unavoidable, regardless of whether you think it won’t.  I promise it will.  Those are some pretty significant belief differences.  Talk about it.  This is a big one to determine if a relationship is likely to work or not, in my opinion.

15. What is your perspective on physical affection aside from sex?

I love touching my husband.  I’m not out here being weird in public or anything.  I just love to hold his hand, hug him, touch his beautiful face.  Anything really.  And I know there’s all kinds of couples’ videos out there that show women enjoying when their husbands slap their butt.  I am no different.  My husband is very similar.  His hands are usually on me if I’m around him.  There’s just something about sweet affection that we love.  If you don’t like to be touched but your spouse does, that could easily become a problem. 

16. Do you have any health goals you’re working towards or want to work towards?

If you’re not content with your body, that may contribute to issues in your relationship.  I’ve personally experienced insecurities that I’ve assumed my partner also held.  If you think you’re ugly, you’re likely thinking your partner thinks you’re ugly, even if logic says that’s definitely not the case.  If you’re a vegetarian and your partner isn’t in to that, something like that could also contribute to issues.

17. Would you participate in a hobby I like but you don’t as much?

Most people have different interests.  Even if your hobbies are similar, if you prefer going to the gym but your spouse likes to hike outdoors, you might want to know if they are willing to join you or not.  Is it important to do the things you enjoy with your partner or are you content with separate time doing different hobbies?

18. Do you need space or connection when you’re upset?

I love to talk things out immediately.  My husband generally likes to think things through and chill for a bit before he addresses an issue.  I like to be near him even when I’m frustrated.  He sometimes needs to go fishing or do something outside when he’s upset.  It’s good to know what your spouse needs to help ensure you’re able to address conflict that will inevitably come up.

19. How would you feel if your child reported they were LGBTQ+?

I literally do not care.  I’ve dated people in the past that have had issues with this.  If you and your partner differ on this, you probably need to break up.  Your children deserve to know they are safe with you regardless of their identity development.

20. Do you vote?  Why or why not?

Politics isn’t just a cute trend.  This is serious stuff.  If your partner doesn’t vote, and you do, that could be an issue.  Are they not voting because of complete difference in opinion, lack of knowledge on political issues, or do they think their vote doesn’t matter?  It’s important to talk about this to ensure you align your overall beliefs and how you want to navigate the political climate that will impact you whether you think so or not.

21. How do you like to decorate your space?

I’m a little chaotic.  My husband seems to enjoy it and has fun ideas for decorating in a similar vibe as well.  I’ve definitely been insulted in prior relationships though.  If you’re planning to live together, decorating a space is going to come up.  I imagine it will cause issues if you do not align.

22. Are you an indoor or outdoor person?

I could sit in my bed forever if nobody stopped me, haha!  I love reading and writing inside my home.  My husband thrives outdoors.  That man is so beautiful when he’s out moving about the world.  I love the differences, but sometimes I need to chill and he just be going all the time.  We’ve had to talk about balance, and we’ve figured out what works for us.  It’s important to talk about because if you differ, this could become an issue if you don’t address it. 

23. Do you have a habit anyone has mentioned is annoying?

I can’t think of anything annoying for my husband or myself at the moment.  I know there’s things that exist though.  It could be an opportunity for self-exploration with your partner.  Maybe there’s a habit you haven’t mentioned that bothers you and you want to address it in a respectful way.  When you are with someone for a while, you’re bound to find something that annoys you.  It’s important not to let yourself get too offended if your partner is being respectful about addressing something that might bother them. 

24. How do you like to be celebrated on your birthday?

July is my birth month.  I love celebrating all month.  I love surprises.  I love doing anything fun and exciting.  My husband is a little more chill.  He would likely be content just fishing all day.  It’s good to know how your partner enjoys being celebrated so you don’t plan something that is more towards your interests than theirs.

25. What do your family holidays look like?

Where are y’all going to spend the holidays?  Is there any family drama your partner should know about?  How many homes are you going to have to visit?  Is someone going to expect you to cook?  My husband’s family is huge, and I enjoy getting to see so many people around the holidays.  My family is small, but I still enjoy getting to eat my momma’s food despite it just being me and her around to celebrate. 

26. Do you have any handy skills?

My husband can fix all the things.  That’s amazing.  If neither you nor your partner can fix stuff, what is the plan for when stuff gets broken?  Do you plan to hire someone?  Are y’all going to try to wing it and DIY?  It’s important to discuss the plans for the unexpected!

27. Are you interested in traveling?

My husband has no interest in flying.  It’s on my bucket list to go to Kenya to visit Giraffe Manor and visit the Australia Zoo.  That would require flying.  I would also much prefer my husband being there.  I have to accept that I might not be going or will have to go alone.  I don’t have the money for either of those things at this point, but if I ever do, I don’t have a solid idea of what I will do yet.  These are things you want to discuss because if traveling is huge for you and your spouse doesn’t like it, I can guarantee that will become a problem.

28. Do you have any thoughts on saving money?

Emergencies are going to pop up.  Do you and/or your partner have money to plan for them?  If not, what are your plans to do so?  Money is a huge contributor to marriage conflict.  I promise you want to make sure you talk about money before committing to a long-term relationship. 

29. What does your bedtime routine look like?

My husband loves to spoon.  I was a back sleeper when we met.  It was a tough transition sleeping on my side every night.  I have adapted just fine, but if you’re possibly going to sleep next to someone for the rest of your life, you might want to know how they prefer to sleep.  This man tries to freeze me out of the home with fans, but we’ve made it work because he’s basically a heater himself and we’ve got cozy blankets.  We also pretty much always go to sleep at the same time.  I imagine not every couple can or wants to do that. 

30. Do you attend a church/are you religious?

I love our church.  I hadn’t been going to church prior to meeting my husband, but I love that we go together now.  He invited me to his childhood church early on in our relationship, and I’m eternally grateful.  It’s so comforting to be around people that love you and care about you the way our church family does.  I can’t imagine not sharing the same love for church as my spouse.  If you want to go to different churches, that will likely create conflict at some point.  Discuss it and discuss it early!

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That’s it!  Another 30 questions down!  I love writing these blogs.  I posted one in 2022, 2024, and now 2026.  Maybe I’ll post another in 2028!  If you read this far, thank you!  I truly hope you have a healthy love in your life, and if you don’t, I hope one finds you!  You deserve healthy love and if you don’t know what that looks like, hopefully my blogs can help you learn!