Ariel Pierce

Carlos

The only person that’s coming to my head, that I’ve actually met in person, with the name Carlos is a college professor I had back in the day.

I’m not writing about that professor. Although, I do hope he’s doing well! I always enjoyed his classes.

Anyways…

I’ve had this blog on my mind for the last week or so. It’s been my favorite radio station’s annual spring pledge drive this week and last week. The station is funded by listeners who donate to help prevent the station from needing advertisements to fund their station.

I’ve been listening to the K-LOVE radio station for probably about 25 years. I remember my brother and I convincing our mom to donate to them when we were kids.

I’ve always found the station comforting, and it’s been the primary station in all the cars I’ve driven since I started driving at 16, 16 years ago.

If you’ve read either of the blogs I posted related to music, you’ll already know I’ve mentioned K-LOVE before.

(Those blogs are “10 Songs for Mental Health Support” and “Love Through Music.” Check them out if you want to learn about some wonderful songs played on K-LOVE!)

I’m writing this blog because of Carlos, a DJ on the morning show for the station. My son asked me the other day what Carlos looked like. I found it interesting that he only asked about Carlos despite having listened to most of the other K-LOVE DJs for pretty much his whole life.

I told him I had a picture of Carlos hanging in my room at home that I would show him later as we were driving at the time that he asked that question. I did eventually show him the picture, and he said cool and then moved on.

A few years ago I donated to the station and they sent me one of their K-LOVE tshirts (that I’m coincidentally wearing as I write these words) they give away during the pledge drives and a thank you card that just so happened to be a picture of Carlos.

I hung it up on my motivation board back in my apartment in Texas, and it’s still on the board in my home in Kentucky to this day.

I posted a picture of the board on my author Instagram early on. It’s much more chaotic these days but brings me immense joy. I can almost guarantee I’ll be posting an updated picture on my author Instagram when I publish this blog, so go check it out!

The reason I added Carlos to the chaos of my motivation board is because he kind of changed my life. Again, I’ve always loved K-LOVE and have laughed and cried to many other things other DJs have said, but there was something about Carlos joining that shifted things for my brain.

Google says Carlos joined K-LOVE in August of 2022. That sounds pretty accurate for my brain shifting timeline.

I specifically remember Carlos starting on the afternoon show, and that was typically when I would listen the most back at that time. I’ve never met him in person but the sincere genuineness that came through the radio helped me so much.

I went through a divorce back in 2014/2015, and its impact led me to make many choices I long regretted. When Carlos started, I remember him speaking about going through a divorce from his first wife. He shared pretty much exactly how I felt. He felt ashamed and that so many made him feel like a failure because he wasn’t able to make the marriage work.

I don’t remember his exact words, but I know I no longer felt like a failure. It helped me shift my mind to focus on how I did the best I could at the time. Carlos reminded me how loved I am by God regardless of what choices I’ve made.

Since then, he’s continued to share vulnerable stories and seems like a genuine person that cares about those who are reached by K-LOVE. I’m not writing these words simply to thank Carlos for how he’s helped me. That’s definitely part of it, but it’s more than that.

My partner shared with me recently about talking to someone about church. It meant a lot to him that someone sought him out over others to have that conversation. It brought me joy to witness his joy.

It reminded me that sometimes you don’t realize how someone or something can impact your life.

I never imagined as a young child when I started listening to K-LOVE that I would be writing a blog about a radio DJ I’ve never met. My partner did not realize that some of his choices would lead others to talk to him about church and God in general.

I’m writing this blog to help others pay attention to the little things. Pay attention to the people around you. Pay attention to the things in your life that are consistent even if you don’t always recognize your gratitude for them every day.

Whatever path you’re on could lead you to stumble across someone or something that has the potential to change your life in the best way. We are all so unique and beautifully different. It may not be K-LOVE or Carlos that helps you. It may not be a friend that you see often. It could literally be anything and that’s wonderful!

Anything that helps you in this journey through life is something to be celebrated! I wanted to take this moment in my life to be grateful for the life that I’m living and to encourage others to keep moving forward!

Life is so hard! It’s never going to be easy but there are so many opportunities for joy! You are so loved by so many even if you don’t realize it at times!

Find your Carlos! Find your K-LOVE! Find joy and cling to it on the tough days! I’m here if you need a listening ear or a comforting page to seek out in times of stress. You’re doing great!

ATTENTION, ATTENTION

I’m literally writing this because I want attention. I want people to read my words. I want people to validate me as a writer. I want people to tell me I’m talented. I want people to share with their friends and family to make me go viral. I’m begging for attention. Please pay attention to me.

My partner discussed with me a book that helped change his life. The book is called, The Bait of Satan by John Bevere. He thought it would be cool if I read it too. I started reading it, and I think it’s starting to change my life as well. It’s been a few weeks since I’ve picked it up. I’ve been trying to catch up on my book club books, so I’ve neglected finishing it. Regardless, what I’ve read so far has started to change me.

On the cover of the book, it has a subtitle stating: “Living free from the deadly trap of offense.” What is offense you ask?

What if I said, “Ugh, people are so easily offended nowadays, you can’t say anything anymore.”

Do you understand now? Basically, it’s whatever offends you. People say that statement all the time to try and make others feel bad about standing up for themselves.

I’m going to preface anything I say further by stating I will not tolerate racist, sexist, homophobic, xenophobia, etc.. I will always recommend standing up and addressing those types of behaviors immediately. No one has the right to try to make you addressing these types of behaviors seem trivial or like it’s “only a joke.”

The offense in the book is a little different. It’s about the things we let eat away at us. It’s the family trauma we’ve had to deal with. It’s the dumb things our coworkers may have said or done. It’s the things we hold on to and let become a part of us.

Let me explain a little more.

1. A coworker I had in the past made a choice that angered me for the longest. They apologized to me and I straight up said, “I hear what you’re saying, but I don’t accept your apology.” I thought so many negative thoughts about that person, and was grateful when they ended up quitting. I wrote so many emails to prove how I was right and they were wrong. I filed a formal complaint about their behavior. I told everyone that wanted to listen how their actions were unacceptable and how much they had wronged me.

2. My child’s father makes choices that anger me. I have made Facebook posts commenting on how he’s a crappy father. I’ve messaged his family screenshots with evidence to his poor parenting choices. I’ve messaged his partner to attempt to explain how poor his relationship is with his child. I’ve used curse words and said mean things in past communication because he did it.

3. My ex husband made choices that inspired a book idea I wanted to write to ensure no one else stayed in a relationship like ours. I wanted people to know that I was justified in divorcing him.

4. My dad made choices that resulted in me blocking him about three years ago. I’ve said in conversations with many people how terrible of a person he is.

In all four of these situations, I made choices with the thought that I was justified because they did something terrible to me first. I justified everything I have done because they were wrong, and I’m simply an innocent person who has been wronged.

The book I mentioned kinda checked me and pointed out how my choices are actually hurting me. I’m living with these feelings of offense. I was offended, so I think I need to defend myself.

Living with all these things that hurt me and trying to hurt them back, while maybe not as literal or serious, is still only hurting myself.

Here’s what I’ve gotten out of each of the situations, making the choices I’ve made:

I got a reprimand because my employer thought I was trying to retaliate. The action that my coworker made was not reversed. I had to switch units and a few of my other coworkers stopped communicating with me.
Literally nothing. He’s still making the same choices. His partner blocked me. His family rarely reaches out to our son. Nothing has changed.
Literally nothing. A book idea that hasn’t gone anywhere because I was writing it out of anger doesn’t do me much good.
Literally nothing. I think I even got taken out of his will, if the rumors are true.

We sometimes react the way we do seeking attention. We want people to validate us. We want people to say, wow, you’re so right. We want people to trash talk the person we’re mad at. We want people to feel what we’re feeling. We want people to be on our side in a conflict.

In those moments, we’re not seeking anything but something for ourselves. It doesn’t matter how our choices impact others.

If I started all of my content with something along the lines of my first paragraph, would people want to continue reading it? Probably not. They would probably start thinking that I’m annoying. They would question the quality of my work if I have to beg people to read it. They would be turned off. The same goes for the situations I mentioned and situations like it.

If I always spoke negatively of a coworker I didn’t get along with, would coworkers want to associate with me? No. People would distance themselves out of fear that I would do something to impact them should something bother me.

If I posted all the time about the type of father my son’s father is, would people think positively of me consistently? No. They’re going to start calling me bitter and start questioning what I’m doing to prevent my son’s father from being around. They’re going to assume he doesn’t want to deal with a crazy baby momma.

If I wrote a book out of anger, would people actually benefit from it? Probably not. I’m sure there would be something in it that someone would resonate with, but is it what someone actually should? Am I writing something that will help heal a person’s heart, or am I writing something that would fuel a person’s anger and to continue in their feelings however they want?

If I continue to trash talk my father, will I be able to effectively support clients that are trying to repair relationships with their children or parents? No. I’ve already felt the impact of my choices on a client I work with. They want to repair the relationships with their children, but don’t know where to begin. Inside I’m thinking their children probably have a reason to be so angry, but I know very little about their upbringing to make that assumption. The book I mentioned before has checked me on this, and I’ve at least unblocked my father even though I haven’t been able to bring myself to make contact yet.

I’ve started to make changes in my life. They’re literally some things they teach elementary school kiddos nowadays. I’m pretty sure I’ve seen a poster with something along the lines of what I’m about to write.

I’ve started to say to/ask myself:

Your feelings are valid, but it’s not okay to be mean.
Is what I’m about to say/do kind?
Is what I’m about to say/do going to help me manage the issue effectively?
Would I say these words or do these things to my children?
Are my choices leading to healing or resentment?
Am I in a position mentally where I can effectively address the issue, or do I need a break/time to process?
If I say this/make this choice, will I look back in a day, month, or year and be proud of myself?

I know I can be petty. I know I can say creatively hurtful things when I’m mad. I know I’m intelligent and can make choices to back myself up and show that I’m technically “right.” My love for writing makes me quite capable of constructing statements that help accomplish my pettiness effectively. But, again, how is any of that helping me?

I have all this anger inside of me for people that have done me wrong, and no matter how much I can prove that they’re in the wrong, it does nothing for me to hold on to anger. Im trying to make changes so I can show my children how to communicate in a healthy way. I’m trying to make changes so my children see healthy communication between their fathers, mothers, and myself. I’m trying to make changes so anyone I encounter feels loved and like they’re important and valued as a human. Even if they decide to make a choice that’s hurtful, I don’t want to respond in the same way.

The book is so much deeper than what I’m writing. The book dives into biblical stories and other examples to help explain the concepts. I have covered the pages in my thoughts while I read. It challenges you to really think. It challenges you to do the hardest thing which is to be kind when others haven’t been kind to you.

Truly though, would you want done to your children what you do to others? If your children read the text messages you sent to their other parent, would you be proud of yourself. If your children saw how you reacted when something didn’t go your way at work, would you continue responding the same way?

If you’re responding to anything with “well, I did or said this because this person did or said this to me first,” then you might want to reevaluate your choices/actions.

I know there are situations when you have no choice but to stand up for yourself. The book tells about not keeping a record of wrong. It’s a biblical principal that to love means to keep no record of wrong.

That’s been the hardest part for me. You best believe I have been trying to keep track of all the wild things my son’s father has said to me related to parenting. I keep great track of my actions at work in case someone questions my choices. I have definitely taken a screenshot of so many things that I might need to use later on. But, like… do yall hear how crazy that sounds?

It’s sad that we have to live that way. It’s sad that relationships are so historically negative that we have to stock pile “evidence” in case we encounter an issue.

I understand needing to have documents if a person is violent or unsafe in some way. I understand the justification of so many things. I can’t say that it’s wrong to keep track of certain things, but it really does mess with your mindset. It’s such a weird feeling to always be living in defense mode.

If you saw your text messages presented in court, how would you respond to an attorney or judge? If you saw your Facebook posts in court, how would you respond? If you saw videos of you presented in court, how would you respond? How would you respond if God was there? How would you respond if your children were there?

Being a human is so hard. No one has all the answers. We’re literally all winging it. I just don’t want to hold on to anger. I don’t want to have conflict with people that I could so easily get along with if we all changed our mindsets a little.

I hope my point for this blog came across. Read the book I mentioned. Seek out advice from quality sources. Try to act with love and hopefully you’ll see positive results!

I love all you beautiful humans!

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Mom, I know you’re reading this. I love you! I’m sorry I am rude to you sometimes. I take out some of my annoyances on you because I know in five minutes we’ll likely be fine again. I shouldn’t do that. I’m going to keep trying to be better at showing you how much I love you!

Dad, if you’re reading this, I don’t really know what to say to you, honestly. I wish we had a different relationship. I have so many reasons for why I feel the way that I do regarding you. I’m not sure they matter. I don’t know that me saying them all would change anything. I would like to be able to say we have a positive relationship in the future, but I don’t know how to get there. If we don’t, just at least be kind to Marshall. He’s my best friend and he deserves the dad that you seem to be trying to be for him now.

Random coworker that I mentioned above, if you’re reading this, I accept your apology. I think I did a long time ago, but it was too late for me to tell you that. I couldn’t see it then but I think what happened was meant to happen. It opened the door for so much good, and I’m still involved in the life of the person involved in the issue. Even if it hadn’t worked out well, you didn’t deserve for me to talk so poorly about you to others. I knew then and I know now how much you want to help people, and I got caught up in my feelings and didn’t care that you’re just a human trying you’re best. I hope you’re doing well in life!

Henry’s father, if you’re reading this, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for all the hateful things I said to you when I was angry. I’m sorry for not being able to effectively communicate with you. I hope we can figure out how to communicate better moving forward. I’m always here to help facilitate a relationship with you and Henry. I hope for a future where he has us both always showing up for him and he knows how much he’s loved.

For the few other people I hope read this, I see you. I’m writing this to show that I’ve done the same things you’re doing. I know you have a right to feel the way you do. I get the anger and frustration. I hope for a future where you don’t have to feel those feelings so deeply every day. I hope for a future for healthy and effective communication for you and those in your life. I know it’s hard, and I know you’re trying your best. I hope you feel comfortable talking to me some day. I hope for so much love in your lives and the lives of those you love!

Good Things Can Happen

I sat down to write a different blog than the one that you are reading. I planned to write a book club blog update.

However, something else came into my brain. I thought back to someone I spoke with recently. I thought back to the pain screaming out from them behind their smile. I thought back to hearing the words, “I don’t want to hurt myself, but I’m ready to die.” The thoughts over powered me and inspired a turn of events for the time I planned to spend writing.

I wrote a blog in 2022 titled, “Stop Telling People Life Will Get Better.”

I hadn’t read it from the time I published it until I sat down to write these words. I thought about the blog related to this one, because when I spoke with the person saying that devastating statement, I also thought about it in that moment.

My response was, “I can’t promise you life will get better, but I will say that good things can happen.”

My sister-in-law commented on the post I made when I published, “Stop Telling People Life Will Get Better.” I can’t remember word for word what she said, but basically she said I may want to add a trigger warning.

At the time, I was in the midst of a decade long depression spell. I kept hearing and seeing comments, videos, and conversations stating something along the lines of the last four words of that title. It made me so angry. The reality is, I wrote the blog for myself. I validated my own feelings in it. I said what I needed to hear at the time. I didn’t think the truth needed a trigger warning.

I stand by everything I wrote even today.

My sister-in-law is right though, if trigger warnings are effective, that blog would likely need one.

Either way, the point of that one and this one is the same. I’m attempting to help support people’s mental health needs. I’m just going to do it a little differently than the depressed version of myself did.

I came in hot in that blog. It catches your attention and probably scares you for a bit. It seems very depressing. I get to a helpful point towards the end.

There’s a lot of intro to this blog, so it can’t be as catchy. It’s not going to be as depressing. My helpful point is a little higher up, about five paragraphs down. The point is, “I can’t promise you life will get better, but I will say that good things can happen.”

When I responded to the person, who literally said the same words that I thought for long, I wanted to take away the pain with everything that I had. I know what it feels like to not want to exist anymore. I hate knowing someone feels the darkness that tried to consume me. However, like I said in the other blog, I don’t want to invalidate anyone’s feelings. I truly believe that saying “Life will get better” invalidates their experience and feelings. You can’t promise that to anyone. When you’re depressed, you generally aren’t really going to believe a statement like that anyways.

Even in the midst of my depression, I never confronted anyone with any sort of belief that life is always going to suck and nothing will ever change that. Most of what I said then focused on validating how incredibly difficult being a human is. I tried to point out that they were doing their best with what was available to them. I pointed out that systemic issues have likely contributed to their problems. I pointed out their lack of support system made them less effective in making choices they really wanted to make.

I still believe that all of those methods are helpful. However, now I can try to help build some healthy coping skills.

I can’t take any sort of credit for this concept. It’s a common therapeutic technique that I’m pretty sure is called reframing. It’s been a minute since I have worked towards my clinical mental health counseling degree, but I do remember this one.

Basically, you’re attempting to reframe your thought processes from a more negative mindset to a more positive one.

My therapist helped me attempt this, but I was terrible at being consistent. I imagine most depressed people may have the same issue. Nevertheless, if you practice it frequently, you may not get hit so hard when life tries to take you down.

My therapist often told me to try and write down good things that happened to me. He told me over and over to try and come up with anything each day that was positive, no matter how small. I tried it briefly and then would quit and get overwhelmed with the terrible things that would happen.

Here’s a photo from November of 2021. This is probably the only full month that I actually wrote something down every day. I had to mark out names of clients I had, so that’s why some of it looks a little funky.

What I also told the person I met with recently is that, “nothing good can happen if you’re not here.” That seemed to spark something in them. I told them about the concept of focusing on the little things, focusing on the possibilities, and coming up with as many “good things” as they could.

I helped them come up with a list.

I want to do that now. In my previous blog, I wrote about all the ways life is hard. Now, I want to focus on all the ways life can bring joy. This is not an all inclusive list. These are just some examples to get people thinking!

You ever just make a really fantastic sandwich? That brings me joy.
You ever looked at the sky and seen a cloud shaped like something else? That brings me joy.
You ever have a really good stretch after sitting down for a while? That brings me joy.
You ever seen a kiddo you love laugh so hard? That brings me joy.
You ever found a penny heads up on the ground? That brings me joy.
You ever gotten a text/call from a friend you haven’t heard from in a while? That brings me joy.
You ever write with a just straight spectacular pen? That brings me joy.
You ever see someone driving silly and then get pulled over in front of you? That brings me joy.
You ever find a precious stuffed animal that fits your vibe? That brings me joy.
You ever smell grass after it’s freshly cut? That brings me joy.
You ever eaten an ice cream cone? That brings me joy.
You ever see someone you love at the end of a tough day and they smile at you? That brings me joy.
You ever squished your toes in sand? That brings me joy.
You ever hear the click of a satisfying fidget toy? That brings me joy.
You ever took a whiff of a flower that you like? That brings me joy.
You ever had your nails painted and they look fire? That brings me joy.
You ever looked in the mirror and thought how beautiful you are? That brings me joy.
You ever eaten white cheddar cheez its? That brings me joy.
You ever blow a dandelion into the wind? That brings me joy.
You ever showered with your spouse? That brings me joy.
You ever found a bandaid that sticks so much better than other ones? That brings me joy.
You ever seen someone smile when they talk about something they are passionate about? That brings me joy.
You ever built something by yourself and thought that you’re a badass? That brings me joy.
You ever built something really creative with Legos? That brings me joy.
You ever seen a cherry blossom tree in person? That brings me joy.
You ever played the game Yahtzee? That brings me joy.
You ever gone for a walk in the Spring? That brings me joy.
You ever seen a double rainbow? That brings me joy.
You ever seen a book you enjoyed have a decent movie adaptation? That brings me joy.
You ever let out an impressive burp? That brings me joy.
You ever thought about how cute Bonsai trees are? That brings me joy.
You ever seen GloFish? That brings me joy.
You ever DIY’d something and it work out perfectly? That brings me joy.
You ever stood under a shower head with perfect water pressure? That brings me joy.
You ever sat in a comfy recliner? That brings me joy.
You ever eaten cheese fries? That brings me joy.
You ever used a computer keyboard with the perfect level of key clickiness? That brings my joy.
You ever swam in perfectly clear water? That brings me joy.
You ever see a tiny version of something that’s typically large? That brings me joy.
You ever found the perfect greeting card for someone? That brings me joy.
You ever gone rollerblading? That brings me joy.
You ever danced a silly dance with someone when you’re being goofy? That brings me joy.
You ever find a random figure of something you enjoy (example: giraffe)? That brings me joy.
You ever eaten pie? That brings me joy.
You ever hear a song that fits perfectly with how you’re feeling? That brings me joy.
You ever found something you’ve been wanting on major clearance? That brings me joy.
You ever climb a tree? That brings me joy.
You ever watched a hilarious tv show? That brings me joy.
You ever found a jacket that works with any outfit? That brings me joy.
You ever cleaned up a decent sized spill with the exact amount of paper towels you yanked off the roll? That brings me joy.
You ever found a delicious smelling perfume/cologne? That brings me joy.
You ever stood in the rain? That brings me joy.
You ever met a coworker who eventually becomes a lifelong friend? That brings me joy.
You ever cast a fishing rod? That brings me joy.
You ever eaten breakfast food? That brings me joy.
You ever smelled a scented stuffed animal? That brings me joy.
You ever colored in the lines of a coloring sheet like a boss? That brings me joy.
You ever put on a new pair of socks? That brings me joy.
You ever gotten to decorate an office at a job? That brings me joy.
You ever seen a hammerhead shark? That brings me joy.
You ever busted out a perfectly timed joke? That brings me joy.
You ever cuddled a puppy? That brings me joy.
You ever rubbed your tongue across your freshly brushed teeth? That brings me joy.
You ever laid on freshly cleaned sheets? That brings me joy.
You ever visited your grandparents and they slip some money to you? That brings me joy.
You ever given someone the perfect gift that led to them crying tears of joy? That brings me joy.
You ever found a new hobby? That brings me joy.
You ever received a compliment from a stranger? That brings me joy.
You ever had a brilliant hair day? That brings me joy.
You ever reached a goal you’ve been working towards? That brings me joy.
You ever played a fun card game? That brings me joy.
You ever found the most perfect stationary items? That brings me joy.
You ever find a hidden gem restaurant? That brings me joy.
You ever looked up at the stars and had a calm feeling rush over you? That brings me joy.
You ever heard a sermon at church that felt meant for you? That brings me joy.
You ever opened an umbrella indoors to test out a superstition? That brings me joy.
You ever have a positive coparenting moment? That brings me joy.
You ever see a friend or family member achieve a goal? That brings me joy.
You ever see someone you love become a parent? That brings me joy.
You ever find a movie character that you like and begin collecting their memorabilia? That brings me joy.
You ever say the word noodle? That brings me joy.
You ever draw a perfect love heart? That brings me joy.
You ever watch people get pearls out of clams? That brings me joy.
You ever found a dress you like and then realize it also has pockets? That brings me joy.
You ever kissed your romantic partner? That brings me joy.
You ever hugged a cozy stuffed animal? That brings me joy.
You ever jumped on a trampoline? That brings me joy.
You ever had a butterfly or ladybug land on you? That brings me joy.
You ever been recognized for your efforts? That brings me joy.
You ever watched a cat run around with the zoomies? That brings me joy.
You ever pulled the plastic covering off a new electronic device? That brings me joy.
You ever squeezed a stress reliever item that had the perfect squeeziness? That brings me joy.
You ever ridden on a perfectly fast but also chill amusement park ride? That brings me joy.
You ever eaten macaroni and cheese and/or mashed potatoes? That brings me joy.
You ever done something you were scared to do and enjoyed it? That brings me joy.
You ever read a book that made you cry? That brings me joy.
You ever find a small collectible item and then start collecting them everywhere you go? That brings me joy.
You ever listened to music through noise cancelling headphones? That brings me joy.
You ever played a musical instrument? That brings me joy.
You ever eaten a bowl of cereal in the middle of the night? That brings me joy.
You ever punched someone after seeing a punch buggy? That brings me joy.
You ever heard someone say a clever phrase and then begin using it as well? That brings me joy.
You ever watched animals roam around in the wilderness? That brings me joy.
You ever memorized a catchy theme song? (There’s 104 days of summer vacation…) That brings me joy.
You ever stood at the fridge eating cheese out of the bag trying to figure out what to actually eat? That brings me joy.
You ever sucked on a sucker? That brings me joy.
You ever ended a list on a number you know someone is gonna think you’re crazy for stopping at? That brings me joy.

Did I do too much?

I’d like to think I didn’t do enough.

There are so many ways to find the joy in life. It’s insanely hard to focus on that in the midst of depression, but maybe having a list like this could help. Remembering to focus on the good things in life helps you reframe your thoughts. It helps fight against the lies your brain tries to tell you.

Sure, life is going to be tough, but good things can happen. You can find joy. There are ways to enjoy life even in the midst of a terrible situation. It’s okay to be down. It’s okay to have bad days. It’s okay to grieve the life you wanted but haven’t achieved or no longer have. However, don’t let anyone, especially yourself, convince you that there’s not good out there.

It’s there.

I’m happy to be here for you while you search for it! Come back to my blog when you’re needing reminders of ways to find joy. I may have only listed things that I’ve experienced, but I imagine every stage of life may bring about new opportunities for joy.

Good things can happen!

You deserve to be here. You deserve to have good things happen to you. You deserve to find joy in your life, even if bad things have happened. You deserve to be loved for simply existing!

Being a human is truly hard, but you’re doing great! Be kind! Love one another! Find joy!

Love Without Expectations

Let’s wrap this month up with LOVE blog number four of February 2025!

I started the month off by discussing ways to celebrate your partner through the celebration of Valentine’s Day. Then I shared songs that show God’s love and in turn helps you work to love yourself. The third blog discussed ensuring people understand their value in a relationship and not settling for less out of fear of being alone.

I didn’t really know where I wanted to go with this last one. I took a little bit of information I’ve written in the past and elaborated briefly.

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At church, recently, I mentioned a lesson my mom taught my brother and I growing up. She taught us that if we felt like helping someone in need, we should do so with no expectation of receiving something in return. She taught us that it’s not kind to give with an expectation of receiving anything back. She taught us that if we can give, then give. If we can’t, then don’t.

That’s kind of how I see love. We should love without expectation of receiving love in return. Not everyone is able to love or even knows how to love. That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t love them.

Our children are perceptive creatures, but the reality is, they are really only able to understand the nuances of love through seeing examples. If we expect them to love us the way we love them, we’ll likely be disappointed. It’s going to take them a while to learn how to truly understand love and how to show it. They’re likely going to scream at you, tell you you’re the worst, and complain about everything you do for the majority of their childhood. We continue to show them love.

It’s different when we begin exploring romantic relationships. We’re obviously not going to tolerate someone screaming at us, telling us we’re the worst, or complaining about everything we do. However, they’re still not going to be different than us.

Every person has a unique personality. They have unique interests. They have complex beliefs. They have specific ways they show and receive love.

You’re probably not going to get very far if you treat your partner how you want to be treated. If I took my partner out for a book shopping spree, he would be quite confused. If he only ever gifted me fishing related items, I would probably cry.

You should have a desire to prioritize showing love. Every person in this world is here for some reason whether you believe it was an accident or not. If you are not in a place to love someone, then you should likely consider being by yourself and delaying having children.

I don’t say that to be mean, but if your priority is you, then keep it you. When you enter a relationship and/or have children, your priorities have to shift. Your priority is now to make your partner and/or children feel loved.

I don’t want anyone thinking it’s not important to take care of yourself. That’s not at all what I’m saying. Hopefully you’ve read enough of my blogs to know how worthy you are of love as a person. Hopefully you know how important it is to prioritize your mental health. We all need moments for ourselves and to find joy in things that we are passionate about. Don’t ever forget that.

The beautiful part about the lesson my mom taught me is that if you think this way and find someone else that thinks this way, your needs will always be met.

If you prioritize showing love to someone you love and they do the same for you, you’re both going to find joy in that relationship. You’re both going to be able to find joy outside of the relationship because you’ll realize how important it is to do the things you enjoy.

There’s also the component of a relationship in which your partner may not be able to show you love for whatever reason. Maybe they were injured and can’t get out like y’all normally would. Maybe they lost their job and can’t afford to surprise you with random gifts. Maybe they’re struggling with a mental health concern or other physical health concern that just makes them not in their usual spirit.

I’ve mentioned in a prior blog about how I perceive love. If a person is prioritizing their partner, the things they love about them will be specific details about their partner. If they are prioritizing themselves, the things they love about their partner will likely include “me” in their statements.

I figured I would go into more detail on this with a few examples of reasons I love people in my world.

My mom:

I love her ability to create. She’s so talented and amazes me constantly.
I love her kindness, she’s always thinking of others.
I love how makeup makes her smile.
I love her ability to make something out of nothing.
I love all the creative ways she parented my brother and I.

Henry:

I love his ability to find humor in so many situations.
I love his love for math.
I love his ability to nickname all the things with creative nicknames.
I love how perceptive he is about people’s emotions.
I love how he takes the tiniest bites when he eats.

My partner:

I love how happy he looks when he’s talking about fishing and cars.
I love the way he brushes his teeth.
I love his passion for his family and our church.
I love the way his eyes change depending on his emotion.
I love how creative his brain is with pretty much everything.

My partner’s daughter:

I love the way her face lights up when she talks about science projects.
I love the way her water bottles are always bent in half when she’s done with them.
I love seeing the love she has for her father and how much they laugh together.
I love her fashion sense and her ability to make all outfits look cool.
I love her desire to seek adventure and come up with fun things to do.

Even without all the cool and adorable things my family does, I’d still show them love regardless. That’s the point of this blog. No matter what anyone can offer you in return, you should show them love.

This blog is a little short but, I wanted to share this reminder to finish up these LOVE blogs. Love God. Love yourself. Love others. Don’t let this world so filled with hate overshadow the importance of LOVE!

What If I Never Love Again?

LOVE blog number three of February 2025! I hope you’ve been able to check out the other two published so far! If not, check them out! They’re all important in different ways.

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Hopefully you have had the experience of listening to Adele’s music. I enjoy it. I’m not a super fan or anything, but I’ve definitely belted out song after song of hers in the car when I’m alone. I recommend her music if you are looking for songs that let you test out your chops.

One of her songs that impacted me when I lived in Texas was “All I Ask.” I don’t remember what event had me feeling dramatic, where I lived, or how old I was, but I remember feeling attached to the lyrics in this song.

The song came on one day while in the car with my current partner when we had music on shuffle. I hadn’t heard the song in years, but my lovely brain remembered every word of it, and you best believe I sang it as loud as possible. Regardless of my attachment to the song, it’s a fun one to sing.

When I began brainstorming ideas for this short series of love blogs, this song came to mind.

I’ll explain why in a bit. I’m going to get a little personal in this blog. I’m slightly embarrassed by my choices. I’m going to share more than I have because I want my experiences to help prevent others from making similar choices. I know we tend to need to experience things for ourselves, but after working with so many young people during my time at CPS, I know how important it truly is to help youth learn what healthy love looks like as early as possible.

I’ve touched on my past relationships in a few blogs here and there. Let me give you a run down.

Dated my son’s father a bit my freshman year of college during my first semester. We broke up the same semester.
Met my ex-husband freshman year as well and married him seven months later. We divorced about four years after that.
A small fling with my son’s father again, but I ended it because it was too soon after my split from my ex-husband.
Ended up in a sort of friends with benefits situation with a friend from college because he didn’t want to officially date until I was legally divorced. Eventually cut that off.
Dated a guy for two years. We broke up in early 2017.
Reconnected with my son’s father and had my son about a year later.
Reconnected with friend from number four about a year after ending things with my son’s father officially. We dated briefly.
Mostly single from 2021-2024. Dabbled in online dating but nothing serious came of it.
Met my current partner on the last day of August in 2024.

I’ve dreamt about being in love for as long as I can remember. I wanted a long marriage like both sets of my grandparents. I wanted to be hanging out in a recliner next to my husband in his own recliner when we’re in our 70s like my grandparents did so often. It seemed like a great plan.

I honestly don’t know what it took for them to achieve so many years of marriage. I’ve seen both sets bicker here and there. My mom reports her parents argued when she was younger. I honestly have never asked my dad’s parents about their relationship. I was too young to think about it that deeply, when I would see them, and since becoming an adult, I have only been able to manage a couple of trips and their relationship hasn’t come up. Our phone calls are generally about catching up and I haven’t thought to get too deep.

I guess, while growing up, I just felt like they loved each other. I saw little signs of love from both sets when I would visit. As an adult, when I began to navigate relationships, all I knew was that I wanted to be married for a long time like my grandparents.

In high school, I remember being hurt quite a few times when a boy I had a crush on would suddenly reveal to me that they had a crush on my best friend. She was and still is gorgeous, but at the time it made me super salty. It happened at least four times, so that definitely impacted teenage Ariel’s self-confidence. I had two boyfriends during my time in high school but it did not get that deep.

I got to college never having kissed anyone. It bothered me a little because so many of my friends had already had their first kiss and many more after that… One friend had a baby before I kissed anyone. I felt behind.

I remember thinking it would be so cool to end up with the first person I kissed. I started getting more attention in college and that surprised me to no end. I thoroughly enjoyed it and fairly quickly ended up achieving a first kiss. I also realized quickly that I would not be ending up with the first person I kissed. The second person I kissed seemed more positive. That ended about two months in. The third person happened to be the person I ended up marrying.

I grew attached quickly to all three of the men I just mentioned because I hadn’t ever experienced attention before. I hadn’t experienced anyone wanting to kiss me or anyone who didn’t reveal they would rather date my friend. When man three asked me to marry him, I thought that sounded like a wonderful idea. Less than a year into adulthood, I found the man I would get to spend the rest of my life with! 18-year-old Ariel had such high hopes.

It did not take long into our relationship and marriage to realize that we both had issues. We both had no clue what it meant to be married. We both knew very little about love. There were so many outside factors that shoved their way into our relationship. We did not have any sort of foundation to help maintain us outside of knowing that I had two sets of grandparents that had been married for a long time.

Getting divorced broke me in a way that I can’t explain. He was the first person that I shared my body with. I shared so many firsts with him and knowing that my dream of only being married to one person during my life was gone, I couldn’t recover mentally.

I had that brokenness with me in every interaction with a man I’ve been interested in since. I took the trauma that I experienced in that relationship and let it cling to me for over a decade. I tried to be whatever anyone wanted of me in future relationships. I did everything humanly possible to make relationships work that had no business even beginning. I made excuses for controlling behavior. I made excuses for them not managing their mental health. I forgave lies. I hid my pregnancy and my child for almost a year and a half after his birth because his father asked me to. I considered cutting off my child’s father because someone asked me to. I went on a first “date” with a person I met on a dating app who literally asked me to come to their home instead of a restaurant or something.

I did all these things because… What if I never love again?

Do you see what I did there? I’ve made it back around to Adele. I internalized her lyrics years ago and made choices because I was scared I would be alone forever. I circled back to my husband, my child’s father, and a college friend many more times than I should have because they felt safer than being alone. At least I knew what I was dealing with. When I started trying to experiment with online dating, I accepted the bare minimum because I was tired of being alone.

I convinced myself that being alone was the problem. I convinced myself that my life would be better just as long as I had a partner. It didn’t even matter how they treated me at that point. I became so desperate. Thank God I had my therapist. He’s the only reason my decisions didn’t get more questionable, and man, were they questionable.

An intention with this blog is to help others avoid questionable decisions. I made a post on Facebook back in the day about wanting to make my own decisions and basically didn’t care about advice. I was trying to justify getting divorced and moving on and was bitter about anyone that questioned my choices.

It seems that it’s a human nature thing to not take advice. We generally do whatever we want and learn from our mistakes. I don’t necessarily think that’s a bad thing in its entirety. However, looking back, I wish I had more examples, knowledge, and support when it came to understanding relationships and love.

After working with children and youth through the child welfare system for seven years, I understand the value of trying to ensure they learn what healthy love looks like. Many of the children in the welfare system never see healthy familial love and that’s a major factor in what leads to them not understanding healthy love in romantic relationships.

For the sake of this not boring people to death, I want to make a few important statements as I’m not certain how much more I will write. Hopefully I haven’t lost people already due to the length.

It’s okay to be alone.
It’s okay if you don’t find a romantic partner.
Being with someone will not fix all the issues in your life.
Your mental health is more important than being in a relationship.
You don’t have to tolerate abuse.

I’m not an expert. I don’t have any research links in the blogs I’ve posted so far. I’m simply speaking off of my personal experience and personal thoughts. I know it’s easy for a person to make those statements. It’s definitely not as easy living them. Life gets lonely. It’s truly hard to be alone.

I haven’t said much about love at this point. I’ve shared my personal experiences to show that I understand what it’s like to navigate relationships and have made choices that hurt me in the long run. Another intention of this blog is to lead people to understand healthy love.

I was listening to my favorite radio station, K-LOVE, and heard them quote a well-known Bible verse related to love. I don’t recall which version of the Bible they used but it’s in 1 Corinthians. It’s chapter 13 and verses four through seven. The New International Version has it quoted as: “4. Love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”

I have done a bit of research on love over the years. I’ve tried to figure out if I loved someone or if someone loved me. These Bible verses are as good as anything I’ve seen out there to help a person understand if they are showing or being shown love.

I think I convinced myself that I loved my previous partners because I tried to show them kindness. I tried to do as much as I could to make their lives better. I didn’t point out things that bothered me to try and keep peace. I think I tried to meet this Biblical definition. However, I try to meet this definition with most people. The issue is, I didn’t trust any of these men. I doubted them constantly. I kept a record of wrong inside my heart even though I didn’t always say it to them. Sure, they gave me consistent reasons to feel this way, but that’s not really the point. I knew inside that the relationships weren’t right, but I kept pushing for the sake of having someone.

Here are a few ways I feel that you can show someone love in a romantic relationship:

Communicate
- Ask about your partner’s day.
- Talk with them about anything that’s bothering you.
- Take turns when addressing issues and ensure each person feels heard.
- Tell them things you appreciate about them.
- Tell them things you love about them and make them personal, not about you.
- Express what you need, don’t expect your partner to know.
- Share all your thoughts, even if YOU know they’re irrational.
- Prioritize emotion check ins because life can be distracting.
Random
- Show genuine interest in your partner’s interests.
- Go on adventures together.
- Prioritize physical intimacy at a level that’s comfortable for each person.
- Pray together.
- Go to church together.
- Prioritize spending time with each person’s family.
- Cook for and with your partner when you can.
- Prioritize time with friends, alone and together.

I truly enjoy The Five Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman. Learn about them. Read the book. Take the quiz. Talk about it as partners and show your partner love the way they need to receive it.

I fear I could go on forever. I want people to love themselves, which is why I posted my second blog. I also want people to understand healthy love, which is why I’m posting this one. The priority is to understand that you should be loved simply for existing. God loves you just as you are. It’s not always that simple with humans, but you should be loved simply for existing by humans as well. Don’t seek out or stay in a relationship for fear of being alone. Learn how to love yourself, how to show others love, and be patient in finding the person you want to show love to through a romantic relationship.

There’s so much nuance to love, but I want to make one thing clear, a person that loves you will never hit you. A person that loves you will never get joy out of making you feel small. I can’t say that people won’t change, but you don’t have to stick around through abuse to wait and find out. You don’t have to stay with someone out of fear of being permanently alone. I can’t promise you will find someone who will love you the way you deserve, but it is possible. I didn’t always listen to my therapist when he said things, but when he told me to love myself first, I should have trusted him. Love yourself, and hopefully healthy love will find its way to you!

Being a human is hard, but you’re doing great! I love all you beautiful people! Thank you to anyone who makes it this far!

Love Through Music

Happy Valentine’s Day!

I’m posting my second of four LOVE blogs during February of 2025 on Valentine’s Day. How exciting?!

I’ve been trying to figure out what title to give this blog. I don’t have one as I’m writing these words. It’s inspired by one I wrote back in 2022. I wrote “10 Songs for Mental Health Support.” This one is similar. I could likely use the same title and make it a part two. However, I’m looking at this one a little differently.

I have a list of 14 songs. They’re all songs that have impacted my mental health in some way. They’re all songs I’ve heard while listening to my favorite radio station, K-Love. They’re all songs from Christian artists.

I initially thought about naming this blog God’s Love or God’s Love Through Music. I’ve thought about naming it Love Through Music. I’ve thought about keeping Mental Health in the title and adding Love somehow.

You’ll obviously know what I named it before you reach this sentence. I’m including my thought process about the title because it feels important.

I have mentioned in sprinkles here and there, through my blog, that I believe in God. However, I know people can feel some type of way when God or religion is mentioned. I don’t want this blog to feel polarizing. I’m not writing it to sway anyone to believe what I believe. I want to stay far away from the Christian’s who are deep into racist beliefs, bigotry, spreading hate, fear mongering, etc.

I want people to read this blog to potentially find songs that may help their mental health and ultimately realize how truly loved they are. Sure, I’m pointing out how this specific love comes from God, but I’m also trying to get across the point that no matter how dark your life gets, you’re worthy of love. God’s love, of course, but also self love. You deserve to love yourself for every unique and wonderful detail about you. Maybe you won’t ever believe there’s a God out there that loves you, but I hope you can learn to love yourself.

So, with all that being said, I’ll drop the list of songs/artists and then explain why they have impacted me. If you want to listen to them first and then check back in, that would be fun!

“Flowers” – Samantha Ebert
“First Things First” – Consumed By Fire
“You” – Apollo LTD
“Move” – Mercy Me
“Be Alright” – Evan Craft
“Tell Your Heart to Beat Again” – Danny Gokey
“Good Day” – Forrest Frank
“Church” – Cochran & Co.
“I Will Carry You” – Ellie Holcomb
“The Truth” – Megan Woods
“When I Fall” – Katy Nichole
“Together” – For King and Country
“He Sees You” – Terrian
“Desperate” – Jamie MacDonald

If you listened first, then welcome back! If you kept reading and might listen later, here is a bit about why these songs have impacted me.

“Flowers” – Samantha Ebert
- If you don’t want to read all of the songs and my justification for choosing them, at least read this one. It’s one that I heard only a few days ago for the first time. It spoke to me, not even just for the beautiful singing, but for the deep message. I cannot even begin to tell how many times I have cried out to God in a “desperate prayer.” I never understood why I went through all the struggles I did from 19-31. I’m not claiming my life is perfect now at 32, but I am saying I’ve been praying a lot more “grateful prayers” than anything else. This song shows that no matter what you’re experiencing in life, God has a plan for you. He loves you. He may not be able to explain it in words, but hopefully one day you will see it. I cannot promise that life will get better. There are so many examples of life not getting better. I can say though that you are loved and no matter how hard life gets, God loves you, and so many other people love you. You deserve love in the”valleys” so when you’re looking down from the mountain one day, all you see are “Flowers.”
“First Things First” – Consumed By Fire
- This song hit me in a different way than some of the others on the list. It made me think about where my love lies. I have a desire to make a difference in this world and to impact the mental health conversation in a positive way. I also have a desire to publish a book that potentially sells a million or more copies. I don’t necessarily want to be famous, but being “famous” gives me more of an opportunity to help others. I hope that I don’t ever find myself worried about the “riches and fame and all they could ever buy.” I want my focus to be on God’s love and helping people not only feel my love for them, but more importantly, God’s love.
“You” – Apollo LTD
- Okay, maybe this one should be number one? I didn’t really list these in any specific order and I’m doing a relisten of most as I write this to ensure I get the message across. One of the lyrics is “It can be a hard, hard thing just being alive.” I told most of my clients through CPS and I tell my clients at my current job that being a human is the hardest thing you’ll ever do. It truly is so incredibly hard living on some days. I would recommend looking up the chorus to this song. It speaks to how truly loved you are just for being alive and being yourself. You were chosen to be here just as you are. You don’t have to prove your worth to anyone. God’s not giving up on you and you shouldn’t give up on yourself either! You deserve to love yourself, just as you are.
“Move” – MercyMe
- This one is a little more upbeat and one you can grove a bit too but still packs a hefty message. It’s similar to the song “Brighter Days” by Blessing Offor that was included in my mental health songs list. Basically, it mentions there will be brighter days. It encourages us to keep moving forward and look for the light. Again, I cannot make promises that everything will work out how you want, but there are days that have more light than others. God wants us to know that He’s the light and to trust in Him to make it shine for you. He wants you to feel joy even though it’s not promised every day. He loves you even in the darkness.
“Be Alright” – Evan Craft
- I love the English and Spanish blend in this song. It’s truly magical. If you know the classic children’s song that says, “He’s got the whole world in His hands,” then you will appreciate this grown-up version. It acknowledges how often we feel like our worlds are falling apart. We beg for them to get put back together. The message is basically that He’s got us in His hands. How comforting is that? Even if pieces feel like they’re falling, you’re not slipping through God’s hands. He’s got you. He loves you. You deserve to love yourself, to pick up your pieces, and keep moving forward.
“Tell Your Heart to Beat Again” – Danny Gokey
- Every time I hear the lyric “tell your heart to beat again,” I get emotional. I cannot tell you how many days I felt like an empty shell. I couldn’t feel anything. It reminds you that regardless of the choices you’ve made in the past, you can let those go, and “tell your heart to beat again.” You are not your past. God has carried you through the darkness and He will continue to be there for you in your time of need. You’ve successfully made it through 100% of your hardest days. You deserve to love yourself and find love in living life.
“Good Day” – Forrest Frank
- If this isn’t a song to get your day going, then I don’t know what is. This song is such a bop. “I know He’s got my back,” is a helpful reminder as to why we should happily sing that we’re going to have a good day. I always feel happier after this song. I highly recommend listening to it every morning to get you motivated to keep pushing through, even if things look bleak. God loves you and He’s got your back.
“Church” – Cochran & Co.
- When I first heard this song, I didn’t know how to feel. After the fourth or fifth time I found myself singing along and really feeling like it was a song I needed to hear. For so long I avoided church because the people I’ve met through my times going, have tended to not be great people. My friends (now family) in Texas introduced me to a church that pretty much saved my life. I don’t know what I would have done had I not started going there regularly the last year or so living there. I needed that time to really recognize that God had my back, and even if I only felt one hour of true peace a week, it could sustain me. I rarely talked to anyone there because I was there just to listen and have a moment to myself. Now, I was blessed to meet a friend who would introduce me to my partner and lead me to attending the most beautiful church. I’ve never felt so loved by a church in my life. It’s amazing to find so many beautiful people that love God, love themselves, and love others so deeply. I’m eternally grateful to be around so much love in a church. It may take a while, but keep searching. Find a church that truly embraces God’s love and are true examples of God’s love in human form.
“I Will Carry You” – Ellie Holcomb
- I think another fairly well-known Christian symbolism is the footprints in the sand. It speaks to God carrying us when we need him. There are so many reasons to feel anxious, depressed, and so many other emotions, but at all points in the day, God is willing to carry you. He loves you, no matter what state you’re in. I truly appreciate the lyric that states God is not ashamed of you. This is another one that reminds us, no matter what we have done, God loves us. “You are not the sum of your mistakes.” You are so much more than the decisions you have made in this life. You are not valued by what you can give to others, you are truly valued simply for existing.
“The Truth” – Megan Woods
- This one speaks to how many lies we tell ourselves. How many times have you told yourself that you’re ugly, that you’re not smart enough, that you’re not worthy of joy. “He looks at me and wouldn’t change a thing.” God sees you and wouldn’t change a thing! How amazing is that to hear? To know that someone can love you just as you are. “I don’t belong to the lies; I belong to you.” These lies you’ve been telling yourself can’t keep holding on to you. Let them go and know that you are SO LOVED! You are beautiful! You are intelligent! You are worthy of so much joy!
“When I Fall” – Katy Nichole
- Goodness, I could paste a huge amount of the lyrics here. The beginning of the song is about feeling like you have nothing left to give. You’ve found yourself so down you can’t imagine continuing to fight to stay alive. “I’ve prayed all the prayers I have to pray.” Seriously. I questioned quite a bit for a while whether God truly cared. How many more prayers could I pray? Why wasn’t anything changing? You can’t really see anything good when you’re drowning in so much bad. I don’t know the plans God has for you. I’ve already mentioned not being able to promise that things will end up how you hope, but there are good days. There is joy. God is there to catch you when you fall.
“Together” – For King and Country
- This song ends with “Together we are dangerous. Together with our differences. Together we are bolder, braver, stronger.” This song tags along with number #11 and maybe even #8. We are not meant to be alone. Community is so important. If we fall, yes, God is there to catch us, but your community should be there to catch you as well. I feel the ending lyrics speak to the power of diversity. Our differences, our unique abilities, our unique selves make us a powerful team. Valuing all the unique things humans have to offer is so important. We are stronger together. What you may lack, someone can pick up the slack in. It’s beautiful. Find your people. They are out there. It may take a while but keep searching! You are worthy of not just God’s love, but of the love that the right people are able to show.
“He Sees You” – Terrian
- I love the similar messaging in a large amount of the songs. This one doesn’t provide any additional themes that I haven’t mentioned, but gosh, it’s a beautiful song. Sometimes, a different beat and a different voice can make you see things differently. Maybe one of the previous songs wasn’t how you needed to receive the message. Try this one. God sees you. You are not your past. Bring your fears, worries, tears, etc. to God and let him help you. God LOVES you.
“Desperate” – Jamie MacDonald
- This is another I heard for the first time fairly recently. It’s another similar concept, probably most similar to what I wrote under #11. Sometimes you’ll be desperate. Life is going to be hard. Life is going to test us. People are going to make us angry and hurt us even when it makes no sense. For some, the main source of hope that they can find is in God. It’s okay to cry out and ask for help. He hears you. He loves you.

Y’all. I thought I had 15 songs when I started writing this blog. I had 15 pictures of songs that I’ve been accumulating since 2023 in the event that I wanted to make a similar song blog. I realized that one of the pictures was just a random song that I liked and not one that was related to this topic. I was feeling weird about having 14 and my mom immediately pointed out that 14 is literally perfect. Today is February 14, 2025. I wanted to post this blog on Valentine’s Day, and it is perfect to have 14 songs on the 14th! I didn’t even know how many songs I had accumulated until I started writing. I love when God sends us little moments of joy.

I hope you’ll take time to listen to at least one of these songs. I know it may be hard for some of you considering it’s so based on the God I believe in. However, please remember, regardless of your belief, the end message is still the same. You are worthy of love. You don’t have to prove your worth to anyone. If we don’t love ourselves, we can lose hope. We’re not always going to have the support we deserve around, so we need to have love in our hearts for ourselves.

Regardless of what your Valentine’s Day plans are, you deserve to feel love today. I love you all! Be kind to yourself. Being a human is hard. You’re doing great!

Commercialized Love

I’m singing in my head right now. I’m stoked about my plan for blogs in February of 2025. This is the first idea for a set of blog concepts I plan to publish in February.

Every Friday I plan to publish a blog related to LOVE! How exciting, right? I refer to February as “the love month” because of Valentine’s Day and because why not? What better way to celebrate “the love month” than to publish love related blogs!

I haven’t written them all out in their entirety yet, but I have brainstormed and the concept ideas are ready to go.

So, to start out this set of four LOVE blogs in February, I plan to discuss commercialized love.

I imagine most people have heard the main complaints related to Valentine’s Day.

“It’s too commercialized.”

“You shouldn’t only show your partner love on Valentine’s Day, it should happen every day.”

“You shouldn’t celebrate Valentine’s Day because society says you have to.”

Everyone is allowed to have their opinion. I’m not here to make you feel any type of way if these are things you say.

I’m simply going to look at these statements from the perspective of how I’ve experienced Valentine’s Day.

Every year, as a kid, I would wake up to a small stuffed animal and a box of conversation hearts. My mom would sneak in our rooms at night and leave them somewhere in the room for my brother and I to find.

Later on in the day there would be a knock on our home door. My grandpa would be standing there with two red roses, to give my mom and I. They were either fake or made of chocolate. I can see my sweet grandpa’s face so vividly from those memories.

When I was 14, I had my first real boyfriend. I remember celebrating my first Valentine’s Day as someone’s girlfriend. I was so giddy because my mom and grandpa had always made the day special. I don’t remember what I got him, but I remember exactly what he got me. It was literally the cutest thing. I can’t remember the order he gave me the gifts, but I loved all three of them. One was a dragon statue. One was a giraffe statue with two giraffes. The last one was a heart locket/necklace.

How precious that a 14-year-old could be so perceptive. I loved dragons, I even had a pair of green dragon shoes around that time. Giraffes have been my favorite animal for as long as I can remember. I’m obsessed with lockets, but I don’t know if that started before or after I was gifted my first one at 14.

I still have the giraffe statue and the locket. I’m not sure what happened to my dragon statue, but the memory of it is perfectly preserved in my brain.

I didn’t celebrate a Valentine’s Day again until I met my ex-husband at 18. Guess who was the one I first heard those three statements above from? Yep.

That man did not believe in celebrating Valentine’s Day. How disappointing for someone that loved the concept.

I tried to understand his perspective, but it disappointed me every time that we didn’t do anything to celebrate together. I had to move on with my disappointment quickly because his birthday was the day after Valentine’s Day, so the focus shifted to him. The last Valentine’s Day before we separated he had a realization that it didn’t matter as much how he felt about the day, and he should try to make it special since I enjoyed the day. It wasn’t enough to repair all the issues we had, not that this had anything to do with why we split.

I had one other relationship that overlapped Valentine’s Day between that one and now, but good golly, I’ve been able to block that one out so amazingly. I have zero memories of anything we may or may not have done to celebrate the day.

After my son was born, I continued on with the tradition my mom created for me. He loves his bear from his first Valentine’s Day more than any of his stuffies.

When this is published, we’ll be a week away from my first Valentine’s Day as a girlfriend in around eight years. My gifts for my partner are on standby. The gifts for our kiddos are purchased. I’ve been informed that I get to sit by and be adorable while secret Valentine’s Day surprises are in the works.

This brings me back to those three statements.

Sure, you could argue that the commercialization of Valentine’s Day adds so much pressure to a person. I’ve written about peer pressure, and holidays are some of the biggest reasons people feel pressure because they compare themselves to others.

No, you don’t need to celebrate Valentine’s Day simply because society told you so. If you don’t want to, then don’t. If you don’t have the money, don’t go into debt because of society pressure.

I’ll never be able to justify someone saying you shouldn’t only show someone love on Valentine’s Day. Who started that train of thought? In what world would Valentine’s Day be the only day someone shows love to the people they love? If you’re doing that, you definitely need to reevaluate your choices.

Christmas and Easter shouldn’t be the only days people acknowledge God/Jesus. For Americans, the Fourth of July likely isn’t the only day you feel patriotic. It’s the same concept. Having a commercialized day to celebrate love doesn’t negate your responsibility to show your partner love on the daily.

My grandpa wouldn’t dream of my grandma not having flowers sitting across from her to look at. My mom loved making our favorite food or taking us out for ice cream as a fun treat randomly. As my partner and I continue to grow our love for each other, we are taking active efforts to learn what each other need to feel appreciated and loved.

I’m constantly popping up with random things in my mailbox that made me think of my partner because I tend to show love by giving gifts. The reality is, that sweet man doesn’t really need surprises as much as he needs me to sit next to him and scroll through funny videos together or to be there to cheer him on while he catches another fish at the lake.

Basically, what this blog boils down to is, you need to do what works for you and the person you want to show love to.

If y’all truly don’t want to have anything to do with the commercialized aspect of the day, then that’s cool! Just make sure you or your partner aren’t just saying it to appease the other.

If you want to avoid the heart shaped, heart patterned, red, and pink extravagance that is Valentine’s Day, try something creative that works for you and your partner.

If you’re single, treat yo self!

If you’re a parent, surprise your kids in some way.

If a friend or group of friends is available, make it a fun friend day!

I asked on my socials for people to comment what they like to do for Valentine’s Day if they are trying to avoid the commercialization. A few people commented.

My sister-in-law and brother turn Valentine’s Day into a second Thanksgiving. They adore Thanksgiving and aren’t into the typical Valentine’s Day types of celebrations. So, how fun is it to bring back the foods that you generally don’t eat often, if at all, outside of on Thanksgiving.

One of my Texas friends mentioned really not enjoying gift holidays unless it involved her getting Lego’s. She’s literally the coolest person, and I love the idea of seeing her so happy after getting a cute Lego set.

A Kentucky friend suggested watching the stars with your partner. I’ve also loved the idea of getting a blanket and going somewhere peaceful and admiring the beauty of the night sky!

Here are a few other ideas that I think would be fun:

For couples:

Go to the library or book store and you each pick out a book for the other person.
Play card games/board games. They have ones specifically for couples that could be neat to check out.
Research unique things about your city and see if there are any places you could explore and capture fun moments in pictures.
Try a creative activity where you make something for each other. I enjoy the trend where couples try to paint the other. A pottery class would be neat. Trying out a new outlet that yall haven’t done before could be fun. I tried crocheting again the other day. That could be a unique challenge for most!
Try a physical activity. I’ve been wanting to break out my roller blades for a minute. Roller blading/skating is a fun idea! I know a lot of places are still cold in February. So, maybe find a hotel with an indoor pool and go check that out!

For single people:

Give yourself a budget and then go to your favorite store and buy only things you want.
Go spend hours in your local library/ bookstore. No one is there to tell you they’re bored, so it’s perfect!
Grab some friends and go to one of those paint/drinking places if your town has one. If it doesn’t, go grab some painting supplies, some drink choices, and make your own!
Go to your local animal shelter and volunteer or check in on the animals. Maybe consider fostering animals!
Take yourself to the movies. This used to make me so uncomfortable, but one year my church, in Texas, offered a parents night out, and I went to see a movie by myself, and I loved it. I didn’t have to share any snacks or take anyone to the bathroom. It was so nice. Give it a shot!

For the kids:

Maybe consider having a “Yes Day” if you haven’t already designated another day for that. Kids tend to hear no a lot, so letting them feel a sense of freedom can be empowering for them. It can even just be a yes evening or yes hour. Whatever works for you and your family.
Let your kiddos pick what to have for dinner and cook it if it’s developmentally appropriate! A family cooking activity can be lots of fun.
Start a tradition of making a craft/activity related to the day. Maybe have everyone write down 5 things they love about themselves and their family members and spend a while sharing.
Let the kiddos build a fort in the living room or another room large enough for everyone to have a sleepover in for the night. Spending quality time together is huge for children to feel loved, and it doesn’t cost a thing to hang out at home in close proximity!
Make Valentine’s Day themed desserts. I don’t know any kid that doesn’t like making and eating sweets.

Just have fun!

Ignore the pressure and do what works for you! It doesn’t matter if you spend money or not. Continue to show your loved ones love all year, but don’t be scared to have a little fun by jumping in with the commercialization aspects sometimes. It’s totally okay to follow trends. You’re not lame because you bought a silly stuffed animal or enjoy heart shaped candy. It’s okay to enjoy the things that are over done in media and are gimmicky. If anyone judges you, they need to do some internal reflection and mind their business.

I hope y’all have an amazing Valentine’s Day regardless of what you do! Keep your eyes out for the next few LOVE blogs or go read them now if you’re reading this far into the future!

You are worthy of love. You are loved by so many even if you don’t realize it! Take care of yourself! Being a human is hard.

ADHD, Maybe?

I have numerous reasons why I started writing this blog.

I wanted to work on Bucket List item number 54. (Write a blog a week at least one year.)
I wanted to talk about this new app I’m using.
I wanted to talk about my sort of Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) diagnosis.
My son has his special education review soon, and I’m feeling anxious.
I’m trying to write more in general and not have red as my bullet journal color today.

Let me walk you through my brain for a moment.

There’s 4ish weeks in January. Technically, four blogs published during January should count towards Bucket List item number 54, right? Sure, technically, the dates published don’t really line up with one a week, but it’s pretty close. Which technicality should apply here? It’s my Bucket List, so I’m going to say January is a win for Bucket List item number 54. We’ll see how the rest of the year goes. I’m hopeful!

Okay, next stop.

I’ve been using this new app called Finch. When you start the app you get an egg. The egg hatches, and you have your very own pet bird. You give it a name and are tasked with raising up the little cutie.

My birds name is Sweetie. Sweetie has pink everything. She’s super cool.

The way to help your bird grow is by completing tasks that you set for yourself. Each day you complete a certain number of tasks, you earn enough energy to send your bird on an adventure.

Yes, this app sure knew how to suck me in with that word. Adventure Awaits is my family motto.

Let’s keep moving.

When your bird returns from their adventure they typically have learned something new or discovered something new. Also, the more tasks you complete, the faster your bird will return from the adventures.

Here are the tasks I’ve added:

Take a stretch/walk break. (8)
- This is only for week days when I am working. I have it set as a goal to complete 8 times a day. It doesn’t have to be a certain amount of time. It’s basically just to make sure I’m moving around.
Drink water. (8)
- I sometimes need reminders to drink water. I was doing better last year but slacked off a bit towards the end of the year. I have it set to 8 as a cup of water is 8 ounces and I think the recommended daily water intake amount is around 64 ounces.
Wash my face. (2)
- I wish I was better at remembering to wash my face in the morning. Sometimes I’m so in a rush, I just brush my teeth and hair and run out the door. I almost always get the end of day face washing because I always wash my face in the shower.
Post daily journaling challenge. (1)
- If you’re following my author Instagram page, you’ll know I’m in a 150-Day journaling challenge with my best friend. I’m posting it on Instagram to help keep me accountable and remember to do the challenge!
Post emotions update. (1)
- This is part of my bullet journaling journey. I’ve been actively tracking my emotions since August of 2024. I’ve been posting it on my author Instagram, also as a way to help keep me accountable!
Spend time with mom. (1)
- Sorry, mom! I know it’s probably weird to need a reminder to spend time with your mom, but I get distracted. I’m in a semi newer relationship, and his face is just so pretty, and he brings me immense joy. I end up focusing a lot of my attention and energy, that I don’t use for work and being a mom, on my partner and end up neglecting my mom. I’m trying to be better about ensuring she knows I love her!
Write for at least 16 minutes. (1)
- Writing is part of my bullet journal goals. I hate seeing so much red on the page. I want to at least see orange.
Read for at least 16 minutes. (1)
- Reading is also part of my bullet journal goals. I need to see anything but red!
Write/edit GTS. (1)
- I’m literally posting this blog on the website, authorarielpierce.com… You would think working on my novel would be a top priority. My brain just doesn’t cooperate most days.

Are you still following me? I promise all of these things are linked.

There’s more cool things in the app, but you’ll have to check it out for yourself! It’s not totally the point of this blog, anyways. The app does cost money if you want to have access to all the things, just so you know.

On to the next.

So, how does one sort of have ADHD?

Well, I went to a psychiatrist back in 2023/2024. I mentioned some of my concerns. I completed a questionnaire related to ADHD. The psychiatrist said “Based on your responses, it does appear that ADHD would make sense,” and then never mentioned it again.

I don’t know. I guess she focused more on me saying something along the lines of, “It’s not that I want to die. I just think it would be easier than living.”

I didn’t really find anything helpful related to my experience with going to a psychiatrist, but they were nice at least, so that’s something.

I don’t say that to discourage anyone from seeking psychiatric care. It’s a beautiful service. I just don’t think I had the right medications, and I definitely didn’t have the support system I truly needed.

Anyways.

My son has a special education review coming up. I’ve written briefly about his difficulties during Kindergarten. He was diagnosed with ADHD during that school year. After moving to his new school, they reported very few concerns similar to that of his previous two schools. So, they wanted to do a full review again and meet again once completed. He’s definitely not having as many issues, but the ADHD symptoms are clearly evident based on calls and messages I’ve received.

I hear a lot about ADHD being hereditary. The Finch app was literally advertised as being helpful for those with ADHD, and I’m obsessed with it. My psychiatrist mentioned what they mentioned…

So, while I’m writing to help achieve my daily writing goal, I’m also writing with the intent to process some things.

I’ve attempted to read books related to ADHD but struggle to focus on them because they’re kinda boring and a little depressing.

I’ve sought out advice from medical providers and mental health providers to help address my son’s needs with little help.

I feel like I’m stumbling through my own creative brain, scrolling TikTok for advice from people with ADHD, and really just winging it trying to figure out how to support my son and possibly myself with this diagnosis.

Mental Health can be so confusing. Y’all don’t read my content with the expectation that you’re going to get all the answers to your mental health questions. I hope you read with the thought that someone out there is real and shares their journey with the intent that someone may be helped.

I’m going to keep doing my own research on ADHD. I may consider looking back into receiving a formal diagnosis. I will continue to advocate for my son’s needs at school and help him come up with creative ways to manage his symptoms like I try to do mine.

If anyone reading this has any suggestions on books, research, or other content to look into related to ADHD, please comment on this blog, comment on my Instagram, or send me an email to authorarielpierce@gmail.com!

Thank you for going along with my brain. Seriously, check out Finch. It’s cute and it does seem helpful. If you’re interested, I may do an update later on if it’s been truly helpful for me or not!

I appreciate anyone who read to the end! You’re an amazing human, and I hope you love yourself the way you deserve to be loved! Being a human is hard, but you’re doing great!

Bedtime Stories, Part 2

I went looking through my notes app for a note I had written a while back and couldn’t find what I was looking for easily. I realized I had a backlog of bedtime stories Henry and I have created together. I enjoyed my first bedtime stories blog and felt like sharing some more with y’all.

We haven’t been super consistent as life has been busy the last few months, but I write them down when we do have time to create a story together.

If you read the first blog, you’ll remember that we aren’t going for quality substance or to win a prize for writing here. It’s simply a fun activity for my son and I. I want him to have something to look back on when he’s older to remember all the fun little moments we had together.

It’s also an interesting way to find out things he likes, things that are bothering him, or to get caught up with the friends he has at school.

There are definitely days we struggle to come up with a story; some days we don’t even try. However, sometimes we tag team them, bounce ideas off each other, and come up with some cute stuff.

I’m going to stick with ten again. Anymore than that seems excessive! I’ll probably keep this going until Henry doesn’t want to tell stories any more. Please enjoy stories 11-20!

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11. Story by Henry and Ariel

One day in dolphin cove the dolphin named Candy was getting ready for a big race. It was the final championship title race. The prize was a years worth of fish. She wanted to win so she could share the fish with her family and friends. She had been working very hard in all the races up to today. There were 14 other dolphin in the finals. Each dolphin had to swim to the island of chimpmunks and then swim back to dolphin cove. It was 20 miles away. The race started and candy took off at top speed. She was immediately in the lead. Suddenly a big submarine passed by, and she couldn’t see how to get around it. She turned around and saw that the other racers were about to catch up. Candy decided to swim as fast as she could to the surface and jump over the submarine. She thought she wasn’t going to make it, but she did with enough space to get passed the obstacle. The other dolphins decided to go the long way around and that gave her a huge lead. She made it to chipmunk island and squeaked a hello to the chipmunks. She raced back to dolphin cove and she was the winner! Candy’s family and friends cheered so loud. She loved the fish prize and won the race every year for the next 20 years. The end.

12. Story by Henry

Once upon a time there was a seahorse named Cami. He got invited to a party with his friend shark and all his other friends were there. There was a turtle named Shelly, a jellyfish named Electrocutie, a stingray called Finner, and a whale named Whaleburn. At the party, he had a lot of fun. There were 3 bully sharks there who were mean to them. They destroyed the party and wanted to eat everyone but the whale. They split in different directions, but Whaleburn came and whacked them out of the ocean and saved everyone. Cami ended up having fun again. Later, Shelly the turtle gave everyone a million million hundred dollars so everyone could buy whatever they wanted and candy. The end.

13. Story by Ariel (Henry asked for me to tell a story about a booger…)

There once was a little booger. He lived in the best nose around. Ever since he grew on the inside of the nose he wanted to be picked out by the mysteriours hand. All the other bigger boogers were chosen before him. He was sad because he never thought he would get picked like his friends. He wanted to know what kind of adventures were out there for little boogers like him. One day the nose suddenly had a big earthquake and he flew out of the nose. He was suddenly floating around the world. He was so excited to explore. The end.

14. Story by Henry (Henry really struggled with a kid bullying him in Kindergarten, he still talks about this kid and how mean he was to Henry. Pretty sure that’s what inspired this story.)

Once upon a time there was a kid cake named Sprinkles. He had a lot of fun at school. It was a cake school. Then a bully named Crush Cake bullied everybody and he took everybodies sprinkles off. Crush was in the same class as Sprinkles. Sprinkles was playing by himself and staying far away from Crush because Crush is rude. Whenever it was lunch time crush took Sprinkles’ lunch and he had to have school lunch. Sprinkles wanted to stop crush. He couldn’t because his parents came to pick him up. The next day he figured out a way to stop him. Crush ran to him and bullied him. They fought and Crush was down. Sprinkles saved the school and got an award. He’s in first grade now. The end.

15. Story by Henry and Ariel

Olly the octopus was out swimming and searching for seashells. She found a really cute purple shell and put it in her bag. When she looked up again Cruncher the shark swam by. The odd thing was that he was spinning in circles as if he had no control of his body. Olly heard Cruncher saying something but it was hard to hear over the sound of all the bubbles being made from crunchers spins. Olly swam closer and yelled “do you need help? Cruncher managed to yell back “zappy the magician jellyfish put a spell on me and I can’t stop spinning.” Olly continued following Cruncher and asked if there was anything she could do to reverse the spell. Cruncher said he would need to be caught in a cage and taken back to Zappy. Olly searched for a cage big enough for Cruncher and managed to convince Splasher the whale to carry it while she directed her to where cruncher was. Olly and Splasher took Cruncher back to Zappy.. Zappy congratulated Cruncher on passing the test. Zappy told them all that it was about friendship and Cruncher needed to realize he had good friends to help out in times of trouble. The end.

16. Story by Henry

At avengers tower Ironman, Hulk, Falcon and Captain America were there. This weird superhero showed up and had claws on his hand, and his name was Wolverine. They wanted to see if he was a bad guy, but he kept running away. So they kept chasing him and chasing him and chasing him but he kept getting away. They fought Wolverine but he was too tough. They asked if he was a bad guy but he said no. He said he was on a mission. He needed to battle all the bad guys in the universe. All the Avengers superheroes came to battle and fought the bad guys. They were beating them but they got back up. They were too tough for no reason. Wolverine analyzed why they were so tough. They figured out how to beat them. They all worked together and beat them. Wolverine left to go back to his lair and lived happily ever after. The end.

17. Story by Henry (WTF, Henry? Haha!)

Five little ducks were in the pond with their mom. They went over a mountain. One duck was lost. A second one was lost. They didn’t know where they went. They went over a hill again. Two ducks went missing. One more duck went missing. Mom cried. The end.

18. Story by Ariel

Once upon a time there was a prince named Henry. Henry was the nicest prince in all the lands. Henry was always kind to the people that came to see him. Animals also loved visiting him. One day he was out in the swimming pool when a deer came up and started to drink out of the pool. Henry warned him to stop drinking because it wasn’t safe for deer. The deer looked up and said thank you and ran away. Henry was shocked. He had never heard an animal talk before. He thought maybe he was hearing things. Suddenly a bird flys by and he could hear him singing a song. He got out of the pool and went walking. He saw a squirrel and the squirrel yelled at him “look where you’re walking, you almost ran over me.” Henry immediately apologized and the squirrel told him it was okay. Henry walked around for a while and all kinds of animals kept talking to him. He went to find his mom, the queen. She told him a family secret that all the family could talk to animals and he was finally old enough to gain that magical gift. The end.

19. Story by Henry

There once was a turtle named Sunny. He likes relaxing in the water. He likes lying there like a soft lily pad. He likes hanging out with his friends. He likes the feeling of sun on his shell. He went out to play with his friends. They talked about stuff that happened at school. Their teachers name is Ms. Blossom. They talked about how yummy the food was at school. Tomorrow they’re going to have pumpkin pie, oranges, strawberries ice cream, salad, gold fish, peanut butter and jelly, a cheese stick, apples and bananas. He went back to sleep and he woke up for school and they had lunch. He was so excited to eat his food. He wanted to eat fast because it’s so yummy, but he ate it slowly. He went to class with Ms. Blossom. There was a new student named Kylin, and he was so friendly. They talked about some stuff. They became friends. They went out to recess and had fun. It was snack time and they had a snack. Then it was math time. Then there was another snack time. Then they went home. The end.

20. Story by Henry and Ariel

There once was a dinosaur who lived by a volcano. Every day the volcano would shoot out a little smoke, rocks, and a little lava. The dinosaur named Braton loved watching the volcano. He thought it was so cool. One day the volcano didn’t erupt. The next day it didn’t erupt either. After a whole week he was starting to feel sad. He thought the volcano erupting was so fascinating. He decided to take a closer look. His friends saw him getting closer to the volcano and warned him to stay away. He didn’t listen and went closer anyways. When he got to the top he looked inside and saw that the volcano was empty. He sat there and said how sad he was. He then heard a voice. He asked who was there. The voice said it was the volcano. The volcano told him he didn’t think anyone liked his shows so he stopped performing. He said he always thought people were scared of him. The little Dino told him how cool his shows were and thanked him for doing that every day. The volcano was so happy and said he would keep doing the shows. The end.

——————

I hope at least one story brought a smile to your face! I highly recommend doing this activity with your kiddo before bed! Henry and I call it “Cuddle Time.” We cuddle in bed, tell stories, thumb wrestle, talk about whatever it is that comes to mind, and goof off a little so he feels happy right before he falls asleep.

Parenting is a wild adventure! Do whatever it is that works for you and your kiddos! You’re doing great!

AABC – December 2024

The Adventure Awaits Book Club December 2024 book choice was One Day in December by Josie Silver.

Y’all may be tired of me choosing love stories, but I can’t help myself. I’ll try to persuade future Ariel to branch out more! I would love to see comments on this blog, emails, or comments on my author Instagram with any suggestions of books we should check out!

I’m going to pull the description of the book off Amazon. I believe the back of the book says something similar if not word for word, but I don’t have the book with me as I write this.

The book is exactly what the description says it is. I knew what to expect because I am a lover of love stories. It’s not that I didn’t love it… I think it matches perfectly with the drama needed for an entertaining story. I think I’m basing it on my own perception of love.

Why does love have to be so hard? Why do some of us have to go through so much trauma and pain to get to a “happy ending?” Why do we stay with people longer than we should simply because we don’t want to hurt that person?

All I could think about during this book is “Why?”

Why didn’t Laurie tell Sarah sooner?

Why did Laurie and Jack have that moment and then Jack not end his relationship?

Why did Laurie not tell Sarah about the moment?

Why did Laurie settle for Oscar?

Why do Laurie and Jack feel so strongly for each other?

I’ll come back to my thoughts on these why questions. I want to comment on love at first sight. It’s a cute concept. You see someone and you’re like, “Yep, I’m going to marry that person.” I get it. The first time I saw my partner, when we happened to coincidentally be at a store at the same time after texting for a day, I think I became dumb for the first time in my life. I didn’t expect him to be so beautiful. I literally remember zero of what I said in that moment. Of course my situation is a little different since we had texted briefly and the general “love at first sight” concept is two complete strangers. Regardless, I get how one could try to argue the concept. There’s something about that moment of dumbness, or whatever someone might refer to that moment as, that sticks with you as a pivotal moment, especially if a relationship does move forward with that person.

Regarding the characters in this book, I didn’t fully understand their connection. Sure, there was the first moment they saw each other, but they didn’t have what comes after that.

I don’t love my partner because he has a beautiful face and drool worthy eyes. I love him because of how his face lights up when he throws a fishing pole into a body of water. I love him because he has multiple different levels of laughter and his family are generally the ones to bring him to his most intense and arguably most beautiful laughter level. I love him because his brain comes up with the most hilariously creative ideas and he generally solves every problem he encounters with unique solutions. I could keep going, but it’s not necessary to make my point.

Laurie and Jack didn’t really have any significant moments. There weren’t any moments that I felt were big enough to have a list of reasons why they felt so deeply for each other. You don’t really get to see them build the deep connection that one would think about when referring to a “joyous, heartwarming, and immensely moving love story.”

I’m overthinking this and it’s really not that serious, but I just want people to find true connections. Laurie clung to this idea of Jack for so long and a few weak moments led to the idea that he was meant for her. The same goes for Jack. He couldn’t stop thinking about her, but I really just don’t understand why not.

Laurie settles for another person despite having feelings for Jack and again, why? Why do we do that? Why do humans settle for someone that they feel less desire for than someone else? I’ve written on how loneliness sucks, but so does longing for someone and regretting saying how you truly feel.

Again, I know the plot line needed to be what it was to meet the needs of readers everywhere, but hopefully we’re not settling for love stories like this one in real life.

The ending might be super cute, but it’s not cute enough to be worth the literal 10 years of suffering they endured just to make it to that ending.

I know everything happens in its own time. I know not every relationship is easy to navigate. Some people may not be ready for a relationship that they may be ready for after years pass. But, like… don’t pretend you don’t have feelings for someone just because it’s easier. Don’t settle for someone else because you’re lonely and might get over the feelings eventually.

Also, don’t lie to your best friend about her new boyfriend being someone you “love.” Geez. Communicate people. I know it sucks hurting people, but it’s probably better to get it out early rather than traumatize your friends later when the truth finally comes out. This probably doesn’t happen often, but it seems like good advice.

I don’t really enjoy cheating storylines and this book had one. It’s not the worst, but it’s bad enough because of how long these characters had these feelings and pretended they didn’t to both of their partners.

I think one thing I learned from this book is related to grief. If you lost your parent, or someone close to you, who would you want to talk to about it? If you’re in a relationship and the first person you think of (outside of the other parent, siblings, and/or close relatives) isn’t your partner, there might be a problem. Grief really shows who is there for you in life, and I think that’s important to pay attention to in relationships.

In my previous marriage, I lost a childhood friend, and my husband blew it off like it meant nothing. That created a major hole in our relationship that never filled. I never spoke with him like I should have about it though. It’s interesting to see what you ignore and tolerate once you’re out of a relationship. I shouldn’t have been scared to talk to my husband about something that bothered me.

I know my AABC blogs tend to verge into areas outside of a simple book review but that’s what I love about books. They help you speak on topics that are difficult. They help you imagine a world different than your own. They help you consider perspectives that you might not otherwise.

I think the book is cute enough. I enjoyed the best friend relationship, but I was bummed that a huge lie lasted so long through most of it. Like I mentioned, the ending is cute but not real life cute! I would recommend the book for the ease of reading at least!

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The Adventure Awaits Book Club January 2025 book choice is The Secret Zoo by Bryan Chick!