I told my mother a lot as a child “You’re the best mom in the entire world.”  Her response would often be, “I’m your only mom.” 

While that may be true, she said it because she didn’t believe MY statement to be true.  

So, I would say, “well, I don’t know if you’re the best mom in the world, but you’re the best mom for me.” 

I inherently changed my original statement because my mother doubted herself.  

Let me spend some time telling you, and my mother, why she is the best mother in the entire world. 

1. My mom taught me how to dream.  I dreamt of playing the flute.  She was there as I cried because I couldn’t figure out how to play Mary had a Little Lamb.  She was there when I played my first solo in a concert.  She encouraged me to keep playing as long as I desired.  I dreamt of being a doctor.  She told me I could do anything.  She encouraged my brain and helped me believe I was smart enough.  I dreamt of being a writer.  She encouraged me to go back to school when everyone else told me it was a waste of time.  She reads all my blogs and tells me what she thinks of them.  She listens as I propose new ideas.  She listens as I read a chapter of my novel to her.  She tells me she can’t wait to read from my published book one day.  I dreamt of changing the world.  She introduced me to Faith Hill’s song “Wild One.”  

2. My mother taught me to love God.  I remember being in my freshman “Christian Beliefs” class in college.  I’m fairly certain that was the name of the class… Anyways, one of the assignments was to write a paper about our beliefs.  The only part of the paper I recall being in one of the longest papers I’ve ever written is, “I believe in God because my mother exists.  How could someone so wonderful come from anything but a loving and caring God?”  I witnessed my mother struggle with her relationship with religion and God and learned that this is okay.  We’re meant to question.  We’re meant to wonder.  We’re not meant to follow blindly and not have struggles.  Our relationships with God are our own and we have to build them up in whatever way works for ourselves.  I loved seeing her Bible on the coffee tables of my childhood homes.  I loved seeing her face look so studious as she took time to soak in the words.  I loved singing songs with her as we listened to K-Love radio station in the car.  I loved seeing her happy in the moments when she felt loved by someone who loves us unconditionally.  

3. My mother taught me to protect myself (and possibly be a little paranoid but it’s okay).  She appeared in my ear on a field trip in 8th grade.  I traveled with my school band but have no memories as to where we were going.  We stopped at a mall to eat and have a bit of free time.  My best friend and I were goofing off in a photobooth when a pair of feet appeared towards the bottom of the curtain.  The person attached stated, “can I join you?”  When we didn’t respond, he opened the curtain and repeated his question.  My friend froze and I immediately responded with “no thank you.”  He did not leave and I pushed my frozen friend out of the booth to get away.  He continued to follow us and I knew we needed to get around more adults.  I directed my friend to the nearest store where we stood by the checkout until we saw a larger group of friends that seemed to scare off the creep.  Without my mom encouraging me to learn how to protect myself, I’m not sure I would have known what to do.  She never wanted me to have to rely on anyone else for my protection.  She encouraged my grandfather’s lessons on what to do in certain situations if all you had was your hands, a knife, or other random objects.  I also appreciated the statements, “don’t talk to strangers,” “always check your backseat before getting in a car,” and “let me know when you get there.”  She also protected me from gum, gatorade, and ramen noodles.  Probably a number of other foods as well.  I couldn’t tell you the research but there’s possibly something sketchy in those items.

4. My mom taught me about adventure.  It was generally just me, my mom, and my brother growing up.  Everything we did together held adventure material.  Trying to out race a storm to get home safe?  Adventure.  Traveling somewhere and ending up lost?  Adventure.  Going to the grocery store?  Adventure.  Semi homeless for a bit?  Adventure.  This likely holds a little bit of number three as well.  She wanted us to feel protected and know that even though things might not be totally okay, we were a team and would figure out how to get through it together. 

5. My mom taught me about money.  We didn’t always have it.  There were days when I knew my mom struggled.  There were days when our home wasn’t always our home.  Yet, I never felt I lacked anything.  My childhood was filled to the brim with everything I needed.  I learned to value people over money.  I learned that no matter how much money you have, you are worthy of having everything.  I learned that no matter how little you have, you can still help others.  I learned that a child should never feel bad about the financial status of their parents.  My mother never made us feel bad about wanting things.  She never made us feel bad for asking for things she couldn’t give us.  She simply explained it wasn’t in the budget and she would try another day.  She worked so hard even though she shouldn’t have had to.  The world isn’t kind, but she did her best to give us the best life.

6. My mom taught me how to love others.  One of the most important lessons my mom taught me growing up encouraged me to put more thought into my actions than the actions of others.  She taught me that some people didn’t know how to be kind or were too hurt to care.  She taught me that people deserved love even if they could not give it.  She taught me to give to others without expecting anything in return and if I couldn’t do that then don’t give.  She taught me to give to others without a thought as to what they do with your gift.  It didn’t matter what they did with it.  If you feel compelled to help another person, then you better do it.  

7. My mom taught me about selflessness.  I never heard an ill word about my father growing up.  I never knew about the struggles she felt about sending my brother and I to our father’s home for visits.  As an adult, she tells me, “I wanted you to build your own opinion of your father and not be impacted by my feelings.”  Despite being hurt by my father’s actions, she did not insert her feelings into our relationships with our father.  As a parent now, I am attempting this same method with my son’s father.  I’ve never known the level of selflessness she held until attempting to do what she did.  She truly exemplifies what it means to put your children first.  

8. My mom taught me how to listen.  She listened to my flute playing.  She listened when I complained about someone from school.  She listened to my loud singing as she tried to watch tv.  She listened to all the different dreams I shared with her.  She listened when I changed my mind despite creating a bit of an inconvenience for her.  She listened to who I cared about and cared about them too.  She listened to who I cared less about and still cared about them too.  She listened to my stories without interruption.  She listened as I shared who I loved and loved them too.  She listened as I shared things I did wrong.  She listened as I shared things I did right.  She listens as I complain about the world even though she may not always agree.  She listens as I doubt my ability to be a mother.  She listens as I tell her I likely won’t ever move home.  We argue and sometimes hang up the phone on each other but I know I could call her back in a few minutes and she would still listen.  She tries her best to hear my perspective and has always encouraged me to consider the perspective of others.  

9. My mother taught me how to be silly.  I have so many memories of laughing with my mom.  I loved hearing her attempt to wake me up by calling me silly nicknames that I’m not even sure how to spell here.  I loved her singing the patience song at us to make us laugh when we were being impatient and then being a good sport when we started singing it back to her as we got older.  I loved hearing her laugh when we would tell her stories.  I loved when she would happily oblige creating a snake out of the paper straw wrappers every time we went to a restaurant.  I love hearing her giggle with my son even though he’s in that phase of not knowing his jokes don’t make any sense. 

10. My mother taught me to love myself.  When your mother believes in your dreams, you believe in your dreams.  When your mother tells you you’re beautiful, you believe you’re beautiful.  When your mother tells you you’re talented, you believe you’re talented.  The world often tried to tell me my dreams were crazy, I didn’t fit the beauty standard, and I’m not as talented as I think.  My mother always disputed those thoughts that tried to take over my brain.  I didn’t always believe her and I’m still working on it.  Having your biggest fan in your corner really helps your self esteem.  My mom taught me that no matter what anyone says, I’m not lacking anything.  My mom taught me that no matter what anyone says, I’m not too much.  My mom taught me that as long as I’m happy with myself, it won’t matter what anyone thinks of me.  She taught me to embrace my giraffes.  That may be a weird statement but a number of partners I’ve had often told me my giraffe collection was childish.  She told me not to change and one day someone will love me as I am and will celebrate me, giraffes included.  I dress as I want because my mom allowed me the freedom to do so.  I write these words because my mom reminded me my thoughts are important.  I love myself because she first loved me.  

Mom, thank you for recognizing early that I’m a wild one.  Thank you for letting me be me even when it seemed questionable.  Thank you for loving me, especially on days I don’t remember to love myself.  Thank you for teaching me so many wonderful things even though I doubt you had any idea you were teaching me so much. 

Mom, I may not be in a place to afford a trip to see you.  I may not be able to send you a physical gift.  I may not even know what gift you would want (outside of a visit from me).  However, I love writing because of you.  I love creating because you helped me learn to create.  You gave me so much hope for the future.  You gave me so much love that I couldn’t possibly ever give back to you.  

Mom, I give you the gift of my words.  My heart is in these words and I hope you know that no matter where I am, I am always with you.  I couldn’t possibly exist without all you did for me and continue to do.  You’re my conscience.  I love others because you first loved me.  I love you, mom. 

Happy Birthday!