Work Friends

“Yo, why do you have me legit processing you quitting, in therapy?”

I’ll get back to that quote in a bit.

Before I began my current job, I hadn’t held a position for more than two years.  Prior to my current one, I worked at/for Amazon, my college’s cafeteria (making the best sandwiches ever), Target, a family as a caregiver, and a parent’s day out daycare program. 

The statistics are likely out there somewhere about the most likely places for someone to make a friend.  My guesses are:

Daycare
School
Work
Church
Neighborhood
Social Media
Etc.

Basically, proximity contributes to the development of friendships.  The closer you are and the more often you are around someone, the more likely you are to develop a friendship.  I imagine the statistics are similar for romantic relationships.

For the sake of this Mental Health Monday blog, I am sticking to friendships; specifically, work friendships.

Amazon only led to two tiny scars on my left hand but no significant friendships.  Working in my school’s cafeteria led to a few friendships, but mostly ones where we exchange likes on social media posts and do not speak outside of that. 

If you’ve read all my blogs, you likely met Samantha.  She is my best friend and the main character of the novel, GTS, I hope to publish one day.  Aside from my current job, Target is the only other place where I made multiple significant friendships.  You’ll likely see three other friends appear in the novel.  I won’t share their names as I haven’t asked permission. 

The four significant friendships I made at Target mean the world to me.  The issue is proximity.  I moved away in 2015 (due to a questionable choice in romantic partner…).  I’d known for some time that I wasn’t the best at keeping in contact with people who lived far away.  It’s not as if the love goes away, it’s simply that my brain struggles to focus on anything outside of what’s right in front of me. 

I will forever be grateful for the people I met while working for a family and for a daycare program.  They were the ones to push me to follow my dreams and find a career that fit my abilities and desires.  I appreciate their friendships but in a different way.

I’ve long felt as if friends held a different meaning depending on when they’re in your life and what you’re going through at the time.  For example, I have:

  1. Childhood friends – these are friends I remember enjoying having around during school.
  2. Kentucky friends – these are the friends I had during elementary-high school but still communicate with and visit from time to time.
  3. College friends – these are friends I made in college, regardless of the college.
  4. Miscellaneous friends – these are friends I met randomly and have maintained contact with over the years.
  5. Work friends – these are friends I communicate with because of proximity at work. 
  6. Texas friends – these are friends that are a combination of college and work but remained in contact with over the years. 

Each of these categories have a range.  I have what I would consider “best friends” in multiple of the categories.  I also have some friends that are more like mentors and have pushed me to become a better human.  The beauty of friendship is that it can change and grow.  Friendship can also be temporary.  That doesn’t necessarily have to be a bad thing, but it feels strange as it’s happening.

A few years ago, I created a Facebook post about friendships being temporary.  I think everyone knows that friendships and relationships, in general, can fizzle out.  At the time I wrote the post, I was in my feels about feeling like all my friendships were gone.  All the people I once called my “best friend” hadn’t talked to me in a long time.  I felt I had no idea how to be a good friend or keep positive friendships. 

Work friendship wise, the friends I made at Target are the longest friendships I have but I know they’re not up to the standard they deserve.  I check in when my brain lets me focus and then I realize it’s been another couple of months between the conversations I started and forgot to finish. 

Since working at my current job, I’ve met many amazing humans.  Working in a helping profession creates a unique bond between coworkers.  We need a positive relationship with coworkers as we process the challenges we’re presented daily.  The trauma we experience in our field forces us to rely on each other in ways you likely wouldn’t in other jobs.

Unfortunately, my job has a low retention rate.  Many amazing humans onboard and offboard within a few months.  I’ve said goodbye to quite a few coworkers who became friends and eventually turned into the friends who, again, just exchange social media likes.

However, I’ve also been blessed with friendships that continued long after the coworker relationship ended. My son has two “TTs” and I have two sisters thanks to my current job (one was my coworker, the other I met through the coworker). They were there when my son was born and will likely be in our lives forever (although they moved away, and my heart is a bit broken)! I have a few friends I communicate with in text chains and share a lunch with here and there, and some who also watch my son when I work late.

I’ve been working at my job since February of 2017.  2022 has seen the most significant losses and the reason I thought about this blog concept.  The only remaining coworker, who has been in the same position as me since I started, will have their last day the day this blog is posted. 

Their departure has been known for quite a while, but it still doesn’t hurt any less.  I’ve never spent any time with this coworker outside of work but sometimes you truly don’t recognize the importance of your coworkers until they leave.  Seeing someone in the office across from you for five plus years, sharing hectic work stories, building a friendship somewhere along the way, and then knowing you may never see them again is so weird. 

I love all the new coworkers I’ve met over the years but there’s something about having someone who has been there since the beginning that feels significant.  Now, I’m a relic.  (There are definitely people who have been at the job longer than me, but none that I interact with regularly).

So, yes, I have been complaining to my therapist about losing who I would consider my “work best friend.”  I’ve been complaining to my “work best friend” about losing “my work best friend,” as you can tell by the quote that started this blog. 

It’s important that we show gratitude towards the people who come into our lives.  Many coworkers will likely only be there for a season or turn into another “friend” on Facebook (or whatever social media is your preference), but I like to think these people are in our lives for a reason.   

My mental health wouldn’t be where it is without some of these people.  Many of my coworkers inspired me to seek out mental health support when I was struggling after becoming a single mom.  Samantha inspires me to follow my dreams and keep fighting no matter what life throws my way. 

Thank you to all the amazing people who I’ve met through the years. 

Fun fact: You may see a few of their names as characters in a future novel! 
To my work friends: Thanks for being a part of my story and possibly my future fictional ones as well! 
I love you, all!

We are struggling with so much every day.  I am here to be an advocate for mental health and helping others.  If you’re struggling with an internal battle, just know, I am here with you!  My website/blog and social media page are safe places!  Share your dreams and your struggles.  Life isn’t easy but you’re doing great!

Thirty, Flirty, and Thriving

July is my birth month. 

Yes, I am one of those people who turn their one day of birth into the longest celebration possible.  The reality is, it mostly results in a few free meals from random restaurants with birthday rewards, some sort of gathering on my actual birthday, and me saying “it’s my birth month,” all month long. 

Here’s a lovely photo of my son about to enjoy lunch from Pluckers! My meal was free!

I debated on doing a separate birthday post and thirtieth birthday post but decided to combine them.  I toss in lots of birthday pictures and it’s a great topic for Mental Health Monday!

Birthdays mean the world to me.  I love celebrating the day someone graced the world with their existence.  I love making people feel special on the one day of the year dedicated to them.  Whatever creation method you believe in, you somehow managed to make it on this earth, so you are valuable.  You should be celebrated. 

“It’s just another day.”

If I had a dollar for every time someone has said this about their birthday, I would be rich enough to at least upgrade the computer I’m currently typing on. 

That sentence irritates me to no end.  The rational side of me understands that not everyone feels the same about birthdays.  People likely have any number of reasons as to how that sentence is now their go to around their birthday.  You are of course allowed to “do you.” 

The reason I feel so deeply about it not being “just another day,” is because there are so many negative things about living on this earth that the least we can have is one day to celebrate the amazing people we are.  We deserve a break to eat cake (or whatever birthday dessert you like), do random fun things, and for the day to be about us.

This leads me to my recent thirtieth birthday.  I bought a 30th birthday tiara and a “thirty, flirty, and thriving” shirt from Amazon months in advance.  I somehow convinced my mother and her best friend to fly in to spend my birthday with me.  I invited all my friends in the area to a birthday lunch.  I was ready to celebrate turning 30 with as much attention on me as possible.  I even wore my sparkly pink converse, so it was inevitable. 

I had no qualms about turning 30.  Jennifer Garner made it look fun in 13 Going on 30.  There hasn’t been a birthday where I suddenly feel older.  Aside from being a mom now, nothing really feels different over the last 10 or so years of celebrating birthdays.

There were many things about my 20s I did not like.  Here are just a few:

  1. My grandmother died
  2. I got divorced
  3. I became a single mom
  4. I had to postpone my master’s degree
  5. I found out what it feels like to be depressed
  6. The first car I purchased went out of commission
  7. Questioning my career choices
  8. My best friend almost died

I lovingly refer to my 20s as simply the “existential crisis decade.” 

Basically, what is the point of my existence and what is the point of humanity’s continued existence? Are we all literally here to simply work ourselves to death with little to show for it? I often thought there had to be more to this life.

I could likely fill a city pool with the amount of tears I cried in my 20s.  I was distracted by everything going wrong that I focused very little on all that was going right.

Here are a few things I liked about my 20s:

  1. I became the first in my family to graduate college
  2. I found a fulfilling job
  3. I made many incredible friends
  4. I became a mom
  5. I was able to spend time with many amazing people through my job
  6. I reignited my passion for writing
  7. I worked on a novel inspired by my best friend
  8. I bought a car with no assistance from family
  9. I moved into an amazing apartment that I adore
  10. I adopted two precious chonky cats
  11. I read hundreds of books
  12. I began attending therapy
  13. I started a website for my writing
  14. I started a mental health blog to help others
  15. I bumped into the closest I’ve felt to romantic love

(I also enjoyed finding the delicious donut spot, Duck Donuts! The location I go to is in Pflugerville, Texas)

Even with all these amazing things, I still often feel as if there’s a gapping hole in my body.  I feel disconnected from my life since it’s not what I was expecting when I turned 18.  I never expected to get divorced.  I wanted to have a master’s degree and be a licensed mental health counselor by now.  I never wanted to be a single mom and have often thought whether I wanted to be a mom at all.  I never thought I would turn 30 and be single period.  I wanted a happily ever after moment and entering your 30s without it feels scary. 

No one ever directly said I needed to have my life figured out at 30. Seeing the example of many adults in my life it seems evident that most don’t. Maybe it’s seeing people in magazines listed as “30 under 30,” people who are already accomplished before they even hit this age. Maybe it’s seeing people younger than you start the same job as you already having completed their master’s with a plan to use the job as a steppingstone to something better. Whatever it is, I have this feeling that I’ve let past Ariel and present Henry (my son) down.

I question why I got married at nineteen.  I question why I shared my body with someone who I wasn’t married to or strongly committed to, resulting in a child.  I question if the location I live at is right for me and my son.  I question my entire existence.  Is this world any better because I’m in it?  Would it matter if I never existed or stopped existing suddenly? 

All I know is that I am trying to take that Jennifer Garner, 13 Going on 30, energy into my 30s.  I plan to continue pursuing my passion for writing.  I want to grow my blog to touch lives.  I want to publish a debut novel.  I want to be the best mom possible for my son.  I want to be open to the possibility of finding a lifelong partner. 

I want to spread the joy of having a day to celebrate yourself. 

Maybe you don’t want to wear a tiara or sport sparkly shoes but find something that makes you feel like the valuable person you are.  You deserve to be celebrated.  You deserve to have the love and care of others, directed at you.  You deserve the world, even if you don’t always know how you fit in or why you’re here.  We’ll figure life out together!

We are struggling with so much every day.  I am here to be an advocate for mental health and helping others.  If you’re struggling with an internal battle, just know, I am here with you!  My website/blog and social media page are safe places!  Share your dreams and your struggles.  Life isn’t easy but you’re doing great!

Blobcat (1st photo) and Figaro (2nd photo) also share my birthday so please enjoy these pictures to celebrate them as well!

Contentment

When I woke up on July 17, 2022, I didn’t expect the day I experienced.  I planned to post a Mental Health Monday blog about turning 30.  I decided to postpone that and the one you are reading was written a couple hours before July 18, 2022, a few hours before I plan to post the blog for the world to see. 

I’ve been challenging myself to journal more.  My brain houses more thoughts at one time than one can fathom.  When I write them down, I can physically feel them melt out of my brain onto the paper.  The current journal I am using has so many hilarious, random, questionable, lovely, and dark thoughts.  Instead of writing about today in my journal (although I’ll likely do that as well) I decided to turn to my Mental Health Monday blog. 

At church this morning, the pastor spoke about contentment.  He stated many of us are discontent because we compare our lives to those around us.  We focus on what we don’t have instead of focusing on what’s in front of us.  He stated if you live with discontentment, you will always feel as if you never have enough. 

Unfortunately, about an hour before church, I found myself scrolling social media.  This led to crying as I sat alone at church, texting numerous friends for support, and a text to my therapist. 

In February of 2022, I received a text from my son’s father stating he and his girlfriend were expecting a child.  They already had a name picked out and apparently, she was far enough along to know the gender.  I knew when our relationship ended a few years prior that he was likely to date again, potentially have another child, and we would simply be coparents.  However, hearing that information still stung. 

I’m ashamed to admit this fact… I’ve been checking social media almost once a day waiting to see if anyone mentioned the baby’s arrival.  I went searching for the information so the shock of seeing it shouldn’t have catapulted me into unexpected feelings. 

Today was the day I finally found a post confirming that my son officially has a half-brother. 

I immediately texted my mom, friends, and therapist.  I could feel my heart attempting to escape my body.  I felt tingles in all my limbs.  My body clearly did not appreciate this news. 

I would like to write that I’m not jealous.  I would like to write that I’m not devastated.  I would like to write that I’m not angry.  I would like to write that I’m happy for him and his girlfriend.  However, this is Mental Health Monday, and I am here to share the real feelings many of us are too afraid to share.

Part of me is jealous that my son’s father moved on and has another child.  Part of me is devastated that we were not able to make it work and be the happy family my son deserves.  Part of me is angry at him for so many things.  I hope they’re amazing parents for this innocent little human, but I am not happy for them right now.  They’ve been dating for a while, and I have also dated someone since our relationship ended but there’s just something about the fantasy of being a family being completely burst that hit me hard today.

It didn’t help that I organized my journals last night.  Like I mentioned, I am challenging myself to write more so I needed to pick the next journal since the current one is only a few pages from being filled.  I pulled out one I knew I had written in a while back.  It’s currently covered in miscellaneous stickers from my sticker filing cabinet.  Prior to the stickers, the journal cover held five precious pictures of my son and his father.  I bought the journal from Shutterfly back in 2018.  I felt like writing in it in that state would confuse my son considering his dad is not around much.  The journal has been sandwiched between others for years, so it never really bothered me before.  It was one of those “out of sight, out of mind” situations. 

I turned to see what the last page in the journal was about.  It is dated 8/15/19.  I clearly note that this would be the last day writing in the journal (past Ariel obviously didn’t think about using stickers).  Here’s a vulnerable quote that I am happy to share with y’all: “I don’t want to see (insert name here) with anyone else.  That would rip me to shreds.  Seeing him choose someone else.  Have children with someone else.  That would kill me.  I really wanted him to choose us.”

Oof.

I need a moment.

Ok.

 I’ve played enough of my emotional support phone game. 

It’s called Fill The Blocks and it’s wonderful, in case you need an emotional support phone game.

Anyways…

Why in the world did the universe or God or whoever think that yesterday was the time for me to read that and then for today to be the day I find out the baby is here? 

Now, I’m not in the place I was in August of 2019.  I started therapy in September of 2019 and have been going ever since, so that is a HUGE reason.  I’m not ripped to shreds.  This news hasn’t killed me.  However, I’m not jumping for joy over here.  It’s news that makes me discontent.  It’s news that makes me compare his life to mine. 

I truly wanted to marry this man.  I wanted to be the stable family for my son that my parents didn’t provide for me.  I didn’t want my son to have a stepmother after twenty plus years of hating mine (that’s a story for another day).  I’m jealous that I’m alone and he’s created a new family.  I’m frustrated that I turned 30 this month and feel as if I’m nowhere near the life I wanted 12 years ago when I first laid eyes on him.   

 I needed church today.  I needed to hear that “Comparison is stupid.”  I needed to sit and have tears slide down my cheeks in the place where judgement isn’t supposed to occur. 

I needed to feel.  I’ve been angry since 2019 and I haven’t been able to rid myself of that feeling.  I haven’t been able to get rid of the discontentment.  I feel a bit closer to banishing those feelings after church today.  Just in case, I did bump up my weekly therapy a couple days.

I know these feelings will pass.  I know I’ll love seeing my son be a big brother (I’m 99% positive he will be my only one).  I know I can still find love again.  I have an amazing four-year-old who keeps me on my toes.  I am pursuing my love of writing by continuing this blog and working on my novel.  I adore the youth and families I work with.  My apartment is perfect.  I am working on focusing on what I have in front of me instead of what I lost and what I feel I’m lacking. 

We are struggling with so much every day.  I am here to be an advocate for mental health and helping others.  If you’re struggling with an internal battle, just know, I am here with you!  My website/blog and social media page are safe places!  Share your dreams and your struggles.  Life isn’t easy but you’re doing great!

AABC – June 2022

It has been a while since I updated my Adventure Awaits Book Club blog content.  I posted an introduction blog back in May.  My intention was to update the book my book club is reading each month and provide an update after my club meets to discuss.  I missed writing about May’s choice but here is the update for June. 

During June of 2022, my book club read Verity by Colleen Hoover.  One of my friends from high school is a huge Colleen Hoover fan and recommended one of her books a few years ago.  When someone suggested Verity for June book, it seemed like a wise choice based on how much I enjoyed her writing. 

My initial thoughts were: “Yooooo… this book is crazy.” 

A thin blue sticky note has those exact words stuck on page 132. 

Have you ever loved a book and hated it at the same time?  This one is not hated because of bad writing or a terrible plot.  It’s hated because of its cleverness and its ability to manipulate one’s emotions. 

I’m a bit conceited about my ability to predict what happens in shows, movies, and books.  I’ve annoyed numerous movie watching companion’s with my whispered predictions and mischievous giggles when I’m found to be right. 

Anytime I find a book that creates multiple theories in my head and destroys every one of them is a win.  I do love a classic, likely considered cheesy, and predictable love story more than most.  There’s comfort in predictability, but we all need books to keep us on our toes. 

Verity is a quick read that I read in one night.  I don’t want to go too far into the plot because it will give too much away.  However, I will list a few aspects I appreciate:

  1. A bit of relatable parent content
  2. A character who is an author
  3. Suspenseful plot build up
  4. Disturbing and questionable character ethics
  5. Unpredictable ending

This book sent some creepy tingles through my body.  It’s absolutely crazy and manipulative but well done.  Any book that has you thinking about it for days after reading is worth every penny.  It gave me Mexican Gothic by Silvia Moreno-Garcia vibes.  A house with creepy inhabitants is as deep as I’ll go with my hints. 

I’m still figuring out what I plan to include in each of these book club update blogs.  I don’t want to take away any surprises for anyone who may read one of the choices in the future.  Feel free to comment and share what you would like to see included in these blogs! 

Our July choice is a bit different than previous months, it’s more of a fun, chill read than the serious tones of most choices.  We will be reading Loki: A Bad God’s Guide to Being Good by Louie Stowell.  Let us know what you think!

The Cranky Lizard

For this Mental Health Monday post, I chose to share the random story I created while playing with my son.  My son’s energy is unmatched.  This child is like the energizer bunny and just keeps going until sleep is forced upon him. 

My energy level is tragic.  After working a full-time job, managing our home, and dealing with the existential dread of every day, I have very little energy to put towards being the best mom I can for my son. 

My son was in the middle of his nightly allotted time to be on the iPad.  I was using that time to scroll TikTok and avoid doing anything productive.  He then came to sit with me and pulled out these tiny ball poppers we found at Walmart.  There are about six little animals that have a giant hole in their mouth to shoot the yellow balls out they came with.  They’re super dope, I’m not going to lie. 

He seemed really focused on getting me to play with him and while I absolutely had no energy to do so, I put down my phone and tried my best to engage.  We spent time shooting the balls across the room, and then he started asking for us to “make them talk.” 

Anytime we play with toys I typically give them silly voices and create random scenarios for him.  I felt like sharing this one because the story line is cute, and my son started adding random parts to it as well.  It brought me so much joy to see his imagination engage and I had no idea how impactful these little stories were becoming for him.  I added a few extra things to make the story flow for the internet but for the most part this is it:  

Once upon a time…

There existed a magical Christmas tree.  It stood in the middle of a dense forest in the North Pole.  What made this tree so magical is its ability to grow cookies.  The most common cookies would be there, like chocolate chip, sugar, peanut butter, and oatmeal raisin. 

However, if you asked the tree for a different cookie, it would appear within seconds.  The tree never ran out of cookies.

The Christmas Cookie Tree or CCT was Duck and Cow’s favorite place.  They would venture into the forest everyday to grab a cookie on their lunch break. 

One day, Duck and Cow followed the well-worn path only to find all the trees now looked identical.  The typical shimmer from the CCT was nowhere to be found.  They circled the area for a few minutes to be sure they weren’t lost. 

No one knew the area better than Duck and Cow.  They immediately left to go find Santa. 

They ran to Santa’s workshop and burst in the front door, startling elves, reindeer, and Santa.

“Santa! Santa!” they shouted in unison. 

Duck and Cow immediately let Santa, and everyone else in the room with how loud they exclaimed their news, know about the bare CCT. 

One of the elves reported they saw the Cranky lizard in the forest the day before.  The cranky lizard is a known wizard who became a lizard when a spell went wrong.  Duck and Cow immediately sought out the Cranky lizard’s home.

When they reached the cranky lizard’s home, they asked about the CCT.  The cranky lizard started cackling and admitted to taking away the tree’s magic.  When Duck and Cow asked why, the cranky lizard did not know.  Duck and Cow noticed how sad the cranky lizard seemed.  They begged for the cranky lizard to give the tree back its magic.

The cranky lizard said the tree would only be restored if they all went to see a movie together.  Duck and Cow agreed.  At the movies, they all got popcorn, candy, pretzels, and drinks.  They saw Jurassic World and had so much fun. 

After the movie, the cranky lizard thanked Duck and Cow and said the CCT’s magic would be restored.  He then turned and walked away.  Duck and Cow noticed again how sad the cranky lizard seemed.  Duck and Cow asked the cranky lizard to hang out again and they all became best friends. 

The Christmas Cookie Tree’s magic was restored, and the cranky lizard started joining Duck and Cow on their daily visits for cookies.  Duck and Cow also convinced Santa to help the cranky lizard with a spell that would turn him back into a regular wizard. 

The end… 

Let me share the parts of the story added in by my son:

  1. He stated the tree should grow cookies.
  2. He asked for the characters to be duck and cow (those were the two animal poppers I was holding and we’re not super creative with names yet, haha)!
  3. He changed it from a cranky wizard to cranky lizard (he heard lizard instead of wizard and chuckled so hard, I changed it to lizard, and it turned out fun)!
  4. He chose the movie they saw and chose Jurassic World. 
  5. He stated the cranky lizard left the movie sad and assumed they didn’t want to be his friend (might need to get my kid into therapy lol).

This world does a great job of sucking the energy out of us.  Our kids are wise and likely notice more than we’d like them to, but they also notice the small things that we do for them, and it means so much more than we could ever imagine.  I took the love I have of creating stories and now realize it’s passing on to my son.  What more could a mother ask for? 

—————

We are struggling with so much every day.  I am here to be an advocate for mental health and helping others.  If you’re struggling with an internal battle, just know, I am here with you!  My website/blog and social media page are safe places!  Share your dreams and your struggles.  Life isn’t easy but you’re doing great!

10 Songs for Mental Health Support

We’re only a few posts in, but I felt like doing something a little different for Mental Health Monday! 

I’ve accumulated a list of songs over the years that make me feel some type of way.  They mostly have an encouraging message or have relatable lyrics.  Most of the songs are ones I heard on my favorite radio station, K-LOVE, or are by an artist who has played on K-LOVE.  There’s an outlier but it’s relatable and feels important.

K-LOVE is a Christian music radio station.  I love it because it has limited commercials and I can count on there being an abundance of music when I’m on longer road trips.  The radio station hosts have also been entertaining over the years I’ve been listening.  I think I’ve stuck to this station because of their motto.  The phrase “Positive, encouraging, K-LOVE” is echoed throughout their station during the day.  I need the positivity and the encouraging music to get me through my days.  It’s also a safe station if you have young kiddos in the car and you don’t want to have to worry about what they hear. 

While nine of the songs are by primarily Christian artists, I am not sharing this to try and sway anyone towards any sort of belief.  When we’re discussing mental health, we need to acknowledge what helps us.  These are the songs that help me get through each day.  I can only imagine how many other songs are out there without a religious context that help others. 

Music holds so much power and it’s an important aspect of one’s mental health journey. 

So, here are 10 songs that have impacted my mental health in some way.   

1. I Will Fear No More by The Afters

The lyrics to this song note struggles someone may experience.  It then moves into trusting God and as the title suggests, fearing no more.  Trusting God is difficult when you’re in the middle of a battle with any number of factors trying to tear you down.  My favorite lyric is “You are greater than the battle raging in my mind.”  God knows we have internal battles but He’s hoping we realize we’re not facing them alone.  I try to remember my mind is not always kind, but God loves me anyways.   

2. Rescue by Lauren Daigle

As a human, you are likely to have days where you feel lost.  You feel absolutely broken and are holding on by a thin string to this life.  I heard most of these songs for the first time on the radio, but this one caught me in one of those hard times.  I immediately burst into tears in the middle of the song.  Shortly after, I decided to start visiting a church I liked, and their worship team sang this song the first day back after many months not going.  I sat by myself towards the back, so no one saw the tears sliding down my face.  This song is a reminder that no matter how broken you feel, God is there with you, He will find you in your darkest times, and He will “rescue” you. 

3. The Motions by Matthew West

This one time at band camp… No, for real.  My most vivid memory of this song is from my time in marching band.  I knew of the song before then, but my band director used this song as a motivational tool, and I’ve always appreciated the lesson.  For marching band purposes, the lesson was to practice with intention to improve our likelihood of a successful performance.  The song’s purpose seems to be for us not to simply go about our day just “going through the motions.”  We need to live with intention and build a purposeful relationship with God.  This song has influenced me on days where I am sick of the day-to-day monotony and try to be more mindful of my choices. 

4. Fear is a Liar by Zach Williams

I need to quote a bit of the lyrics for this one.  “When he told you you’re not good enough… not right… not strong enough… not worthy… not loved…not beautiful… that you’ll never be enough.  Fear, he is a liar.”  How many times have you felt like you’re not good enough or any of the others mentioned?  Probably more than you recall or would like to admit.  I don’t have to explain this one too much.  We need to remember that “fear is a liar” and God created all of us for a reason and we are so much more than our own minds and society will often lead us to believe. 

5. The Breakup Song by Francesca Battistelli

My memory is not the best, but I recall hearing this one before Zach Williams’ song (number 4 on this list).  It’s another song that speaks to the burden of fear.  This song is an anthem telling fear that it will not hold power anymore.  My favorite lyric is “fear, you don’t own me.”  There have been so many moments in my life that I gave into fear and didn’t do something that I wanted to do.  There have been many times I have dimmed my light out of fear of how I would be perceived.  I constantly struggle with this battle, but I am reminded of this song anytime the thoughts start overwhelming me. 

6. Almost Home by Mercy Me

No one really knows what will come of us after we leave this earth.  We are often so burdened by the stress of this life that we forget God promises an eternal life with Him.   There are days where I scoff at the thought of this being true and days where I’m begging with every aspect of my being that it is.  Either way, this song speaks to us not being on this earth permanently and our struggles are only temporary.  Whether it takes a few days or a struggle that will last until we leave this earth, our struggles are temporary, and this song helps me remember this and try not to dwell on the stress.

7. Truth Be Told by Matthew West

I believe this song has had the most profound impact on my mental health.  The opening lyric needs to be shared: “Lie number one: You’re supposed to have it all together.”  YOU DO NOT HAVE TO HAVE IT ALL TOGETHER.  This song shares that exact sentiment.  This song’s purpose, at least what I’m interpreting from it, is to encourage people not to feel scared to share their struggles.  We should not be expected to be perfect, and we shouldn’t have to fake as if we are.  I also love that this song comments on the church.  The church should be welcoming to everyone, and no one should feel judged when they walk in a church’s doors. 

8. Brighter Days by Blessing Offor

This is my current jam.  It somehow always comes on in the morning after I’ve dropped my son off at daycare and I am feeling crazy from all his morning shenanigans.  If it doesn’t come on the radio when I’m in the car, then at some point in the day I’m likely to play the song myself.  I am clinging to the hope that there are going to be brighter days.  I am in a moment of dreading the fact that my life seems at a standstill.  I question why loneliness is a constant state of being and if anything will ever change.  I am constantly quoting, “I know there’s gonna be some brighter days.”  I am working to trust God and His plan, pray for brighter days, and still thrive in the darker days.  The interesting aspect of this song is it could be played on any station.  It’s an encouraging message even if you do not have a belief in God.  We all need to know that we’ll likely see brighter days. 

9. Wounds by Jordan Feliz

I bought Jordan’s album Say It because of the song “Next to Me.”  However, “Wounds” was the song that had me feeling all the feels.  I’m not certain if it was a personal testament to his experience but the song feels personal.  I loved the song because of the personal feel.  It seemed to say to me, “I know how it feels to be in a dark place but there is hope and God heals all wounds.”  When someone understands our experience, it can help us get through our battles.  I appreciate the lyric, “I’ve seen the light come in… to my darkest rooms.”  No matter how dark it feels in our life, we are worthy of light and God will meet us where we are. 

10. Numb Little Bug by Em Beihold

I saved this one for last because it’s different.  I didn’t hear this song on K-LOVE, and I doubt it would be approved for their station.  There is no religious basis behind it that I’m aware of.  This song captured some of my darker thoughts and explained a bit about how I feel on a day-to-day basis.  “Do you ever get a little bit tired of life… like you’re not really happy but you don’t want to die…”  This lyric is honestly how I feel more days than I’d like to admit.  This song doesn’t try to fix anything but sits in its emotions.  This is why I love it.  Some days I need to just sit in my feelings and not try to fix myself.  Then, I’ll turn to some of my other songs on this list and try to push through and search for the joy again. 

BONUS SONG

I have a bonus song for you.  My mom would sing a short song to us growing up.  She would use this anytime we were struggling with something that took a long time, basically anytime we were being impatient.  It became a joke and eventually we started singing it at her when we were older and caught on to its multiple uses.  I have since taught it to my son and a few of my kiddos I work with.  My son typically rolls his eyes and begs me not to sing it when I am requesting his patience.  I am also singing this to myself often to try and reel in my own impatience with life and people who may be frustrating. I have no clue where the song came from or if it’s a small part of a larger song.  If you’ve heard it, please share its history! 

“Have patience.

Have patience.

Don’t be in such a hurry.

When you get impatient, you only start to worry.

Remember!  Remember! …that God is patient too!”

—————

We are struggling with so much every day.  I am here to be an advocate for mental health and helping others.  If you’re struggling with an internal battle, just know, I am here with you!  My website/blog and social media page are safe places!  Share your dreams and your struggles.  Life isn’t easy but you’re doing great!

Michael B. Jordan

Happy Mental Health Monday!

Michael B. Jordan has no idea I exist.  I don’t typically write about people I don’t personally know.  This post honestly has nothing to do with him aside from briefly mentioning he’s beautiful and how he’s a small factor in my personal mental health.

I think many people who are not famous, have a famous person they have a superficial crush on.  All we know about this person, is their name, a little bit of information that may or may not be true in magazines, and their physical appearance is likely attractive to us.  Michael B. Jordan is my celebrity crush.  I walk him into more conversations than one would expect.  I have the Killmonger Funko Pop! figure from his role on Black Panther.  I have three magazines of him hanging in my room.

You’re probably asking yourself, how does Michael B. Jordan tie into my mental health.  I’ll get there.  Let me tell you a bit about how he ties into my physical health first.

“I simply want Michael B. Jordan to do a double take if he ever walks past me.”

When I speak with others about my physical health journey, this is the comment I make most often.  I don’t have many concrete fitness achievement goals aside from this one. 

Y’all ever had one of those days where you are absolutely feeling yourself?  You feel you look like a million bucks or whatever cheesy expression you want to throw out.  Your outfit is on point.  You feel thinner than your brain convinces you look most days.  On those days, have you ever had someone who walks past you, sees you, keeps walking, and then suddenly you see them turn back again to look at you because the realization of your beauty took a bit to process?  It’s happened a few times in my life.  The person has never been Michael B. Jordan but that’s the dream. 

Basically, I want to get to the fitness point in my life that Michael B. Jordan’s brain eventually processes I look awesome. 

The mental health tie comes into play here.

I have no idea what Michael B. Jordan’s brain processes and who he finds attractive.  My brain has convinced myself that I am somehow not worthy of Michael B. Jordan glancing in my direction.  My brain compares myself to any person he’s romantically tied to and assumes I am somehow inferior because my brain says so. 

I don’t consider personality, I don’t consider personal taste, I don’t consider anything aside from what I’ve deemed my level of attractive is to someone I’ve never met.  I’m also assuming that all Michael B. Jordan cares about is what someone looks like. 

I joke about how my The Little Mermaid toy being next to the Michael B. Jordan based Killmonger Funko Pop! is the closest I’ll ever get to the actor (My name is Ariel… get it?).  This isn’t a self-deprecating statement.  It’s more of a statistical statement than anything.  Most people never meet their celebrity crush.  Our brains have a tendency to give power to things that it shouldn’t. We need to give more power to how we feel on a day-to-day basis, how our children smile at us like we’re the coolest humans ever despite our struggles, or all the amazing daily achievements, like simply existing!

Inherently, we all need random motivational techniques to help us on our fitness/health journeys.  Walking past Michael B. Jordan every day in magazine form does motivate me a bit to make healthier choices.  Some people need the My 600 lb Life doctor meme to help.  Others need a picture of themselves at a healthier point in their life.  Whatever it is that you need to motivate yourself to make healthier choices, be mindful of what other messages your brain is sending out!

We are struggling with so much every day.  I am here to be an advocate for mental health and helping others.  If you’re struggling with an internal battle, just know, I am here with you!  My website/blog and social media page are safe places!  Share your dreams and your struggles.  Life isn’t easy but you’re doing great!

Friendships and Responsibilities

Happy Monday + 1!

Since yesterday was technically a holiday, let’s pretend that today is Mental Health Monday!

If you’ve been keeping up with my blog, checked out my social media page, or perused through my website, you have been introduced to my best friend, Samantha. 

The last time we were able to see each other in person was March of 2021.  My son and I were finally able to take some time to travel and spend the weekend with her and her family. 

We bought matching pajamas and captured this lovely picture during the trip!

A huge part of my conversations with my therapist revolves around the fact that I have limited contact with friends outside of work.  I have one coworker, who I adore, that I see consistently and vent all my work frustrations to, and a few others I see here and there.  However, I rarely spend time with any of my coworkers outside of work unless we’re having a unit gathering. 

I have a few friends I’ll check in with occasionally, about their lives, but we rarely get together.  I’m a friendly person but for some reason, I don’t have any significant friendships in this area.  Most of my best friends live in other cities in Texas or out of state.  These are the friends that I could call up and talk to for hours.  These are the friends you could call up randomly and they’ll go to the grocery store with you.  These are the friends who you can complain about your life and make borderline suicidal ideations and they support you and don’t make you feel any crazier than you already feel. 

Spending time with friends is good for your mental health. 

So, imagine how not good going over a year without seeing my best friend was on my mental health. 

Being a single parent with no friends or family in the area sucks!  I rarely have time to communicate with adults outside of work.  Sometimes, you just can’t keep talking about work and need some time chatting about other things with your best friend(s).  

As a single parent, you’re responsible for everything.

  • Getting kiddo(s) to daycare/school
  • Keeping up with chores at home
  • Managing the bills
  • Ensuring your kiddo(s) has enough quality time with you
  • Maintenance on vehicle/home
  • Attending all appointments for kiddo(s)
  • Grocery shopping/providing appropriate meals
  • Working so you can support yourself and kiddo(s)
  • ETC…

Being a human in general is overwhelming but when there’s no sense of relief it can drown you.  We need breaks, genuine friendships, time to spend with these friends, and time to feel like ourselves outside of the many roles we hold. 

Let’s talk about what this time looks like.

I spent three days with my son, best friend, and her family.  I left feeling almost more exhausted than when I arrived.  Have y’all ever gone on a trip and feel like you need a vacation from your vacation?  That’s a little bit how I felt after this weekend.  I went hoping to spend some quality time with my best friend.  We spent the whole weekend trying to keep my son from beating up her kids, taking breaks watching each other’s kids while we went to the bathroom, took a shower, or cooked, and trying to nap because we were exhausted.  We had a few minutes during a quick Walmart trip to be together, without kids, and have a little fun. 

The six-hour trip there and back did not help much either.

I know we’re both moms and do not have the means to be without our children often so you’d think I would know that it wouldn’t be the perfect trip.  Regardless, I did not expect to feel so disconnected when we were literally staying in the same home.  It’s hard to focus on your friendship when you’re focused on being a parent.  It’s even harder when your child is ignoring everything you say, and you feel like an incompetent parent.   

How do we maintain friendships when we’re so far away to feel connected despite the distance?

  • Texting
  • Calling
  • Video chatting
  • Social media
  • Letters

These are a few things Samantha and I use to stay connected.  I also found a journal that we write in and mail back and forth as a fun method.  Of course, we often get behind and end up taking months before we get it back to the other.  We’re trying though. 

How do we take the breaks that we deserve and feel refreshed when we return to our responsibilities?  I haven’t figured out a solid answer for this question.  Having smaller, more frequent, breaks seem to help a bit.  If you’re waiting for a week (or two) long vacation once a year, you’re likely going to get burnt out.  I try to add a three-day weekend to my schedule when I can, but it doesn’t happen as much as I’d like.

I love this meme based on an episode of Rugrats.  This is legitimately how adult life feels.  We have so many roles and if you are focused on one, you’re likely neglecting the others.  This can be a huge weight on our mental health. 

Feel free to comment what you do to maintain healthy friendships and feel rested during breaks/vacations!

We are struggling with so much every day.  I am here to be an advocate for mental health and helping others.  If you’re struggling with an internal battle, just know, I am here with you!  My website/blog and social media page are safe places!  Share your dreams and your struggles.  Life isn’t easy but you’re doing great!

Who Has the Answers?

“If a person comes into your classroom, turn your body so your side is facing the front of their body.  This way, if they shoot you, they are less likely to hit any vital organs.”

“Get into a corner of the room not visible by the window in the door.  Someone will check the door is locked.  Close the blinds on the windows.  Be quiet.  If you’re in the hall when the announcement is made, run and/or hide.  If you can’t hide or they’re in the classroom, fight.”

The suggestions flooding social media following a school shooting in which 19 children and two teachers were killed, is to train teachers or to arm more people in the school’s proximity.

The first quote is one I heard my first semester as an undergraduate education major.  We were asked to volunteer to come to the front of the room to show the class how to stand and the teacher would pretend to be the intruder.  The second quote is from my experience as a high school student.  This is what we were told to do if we receive a warning or hear gun shots.  Teachers are being trained.  Students are being taught.  The teachers and students know what to do during an active shooter situation.  I graduated high school 12 years ago.  This is information that has been in the schools for years. 

In my College Algebra class, I sat in a row of five directly aligned with the window in the door.  The peer in the front of the row was responsible for shutting the door.  Each row had a specific job during the active shooter drills.  Administrative staff would come by and shake the doors aggressively, look in to see if they could see any of us, and give us tips on how to improve for the next drill. 

We were reprimanded for using any other door but the front door to enter or exit the school during the school day.  We were told if we opened other doors, we could disengage the locks and possibly leave the door vulnerable for intruders.  My peers goofed off during the drills, ignorant to the reality of the need for them.  The Columbine high school shooting was the go-to reminder of what might happen to any of us on any day.  We were encouraged to report any of our peers for suspicious behaviors.      

To act as if teachers aren’t actively aware of the possibility of a school shooting is ignorant.  They know.  They’ve known.  They do not need anymore training.  They should not have to bear the burden of carrying a gun to potentially shoot one of the children that has sat in their classroom.  They should not have to worry about a gun while they educate our most vulnerable.  Having more and more security on the campus advertises to children that they are not safe in a place they should be.  It seems impossible to have enough security to stand by each classroom in case a situation initiates inside the classroom instead of in the halls or outside of the school.  A handful of security guards cannot be everywhere at once.

I am almost 30 years old.  I grew up learning where to hide and how to fight if we couldn’t hide.  The Columbine school shooting happened in 1999.  It’s likely safe to assume that children and teachers at least since 1999 have learned the same information I did.  If a shooter enters a school campus, they know where to go, they know where you’re suggested to hide, they know that you’re told to fight and likely have limited materials to do so.  They know you’re vulnerable. 

That’s why they are there.

Shooters go to places where people are vulnerable.  They go where they know they can likely do the most damage.  They go to where they know they will likely accomplish much of their goal before anyone is able to stop them. 

Once this argument is gone through, people will add mental health as what needs to be addressed.   Mental health is used as something to say when you’re trying to find something to blame other than the real problem.  The person was mentally unstable.  They’re an outlier.  This won’t happen again. 

But it does.  It happens over and over and over and over and over and over again.  Did that feel like too much?  It will never be too much to continually point out that nothing is being done to address this problem. 

I’m happy to talk about mental health for a second, though. Mental health absolutely needs to be addressed.  Let me break it down for you.

  • When a child is born, their parent should have guaranteed access to all items necessary for their child’s survival.  Access to formula, a crib, a car seat, and any other item a parent may need.
  • The child’s parent needs access to childcare that is free or affordable in the context of all their other financial responsibilities. 
  • Parents need to have parental leave available to use at their discretion.  This should not be taken from their sick leave or annual leave. 
  • Parents need to have access to free mental health services to address this major change in their life if needed.
  • Parents need to have access to affordable housing and jobs that pay at a comparable rate to the cost of living in the area in which they live. 
  • Parents need to have access to free continuing education to consider options for being in a situation to improve their income earning potential. 
  • Parents and the child need to have access to free mental health services at any time during their lives.
  • Bullying in schools needs to be addressed immediately.
  • Trans individuals need access to gender affirming care.
  • Parents need the right to choose abortion. 
  • Racism needs to be eliminated. 
  • Microaggressions need to be called out and stopped. 
  • Systemic problems need to be corrected.

Mental health is not something that is fixed by one visit to a therapist’s office to complain about your mother, like presented in the entertainment industry.  There are numerous factors that contribute to a person struggling with their mental health.  There are numerous factors that contribute to a person getting to the point of pointing a gun at innocent humans and ending their lives. 

The main factor is the access to guns. 

I grew up around guns.  There was a gun on a shelf in my grandfather’s shower.   There were multiple guns we would have to move around to find anything in my grandfather’s closet.  My mom hid one under our couch which we didn’t know about until we were messing around one day.  This one was in a locked box. 

We shot at random targets in random backyards.  Family members hunted animals.  We were taught general gun safety.  Most of my family held guns in the military.  Guns were a present and common factor in my childhood. 

You can absolutely find examples of a person who was around guns who did not use them to harm another human.  However, the more access to guns, the more likely someone is to use them. 

People will say that guns are not the problem, that people sinning and not having a relationship with God is the problem.  Are you willing to sit around and wait for all humans on Earth to develop a relationship with God instead of addressing the problem?  I’m not.

Praying is comforting.  Praying is likely necessary for some.  However, this is not the case for all.  Praying only does so much.  Absolutely pray if this is your choice.  But then team with those in your community to put actions into place to keep people safe. 

We need gun laws that keep unnecessary guns out of the hands of any random citizen.  There is no reason that background checks should be a problem.  There is no reason that a raised age limit to access guns shouldn’t be in place outside of the context of military service.  Classes should be required to teach those who want to buy a gun how to use them safely.  There is no reason that it should not be noted how many guns you own and what they are. 

If you care more about a collection of useless materials in the façade of “I may need them to protect myself from the government,” you likely need to seek mental health support.  I don’t say this in a condescending way, but the reality is, humans are much more important than a gun. 

The political party I see pushing gun control the most appears to be doing the most to support mental health, they are advocating for equitable treatment and justice for those not receiving it.  They are fighting to keep humans healthy, physically and mentally.  I cannot see a future in which these individuals take your guns, and then somehow threaten your existence. 

I do not have all the answers, I likely don’t even have 1% of the answers.  However, I know sitting by and sending thoughts and prayers on social media to move on a second later, is not helping.  I refuse to sit by and allow these shootings to continue until my son is the one who is taken from this world, triggering a more intense reason to care.

Every human is an important person to someone.  This can’t continue.   

I know many of us are doing the best we can.  We are struggling with so much every day.  I am here to be an advocate for mental health and helping others.  If you’re struggling with an internal battle, just know, I am here with you!  My website/blog and social media page are safe places!  Share your dreams and your struggles.  Life isn’t easy but you’re doing great!

Lupus Awareness Month x3

Happy Wednesday x3

This is post three focusing on Lupus during Lupus Awareness Month!  Lupus did not exist in my mind until meeting Samantha in 2013.  Selena Gomez brought a bit more awareness to the world when she shared her diagnosis.  (Selena, wanna play Samantha in a movie based on my book GTS one day?)

When I met Samantha, she was 23 years old.  I learned quickly in our friendship her doctors often told her she may not live past 25.  Did you read that?  25.  I potentially had less than two years with my friend if their estimation was correct.  In 2015, a few months shy of her 25th birthday, Samantha experienced a lupus flare that caused the need for a medically induced coma.  Her words, echoing doctor’s words, screamed in my mind as I waited to find out if my friend would ever wake up. 

We are a few weeks shy of Samantha’s 32nd birthday, today.  She now spends much of her time bringing lupus awareness to her community.  I hope to help her do this through my writing and eventually publish GTS, a novel based on our lives in 2015. 

Samantha is graciously sharing a look into the 20+ years she has spent living with a lupus diagnosis.  Here is a little bit more of her story:

From August 2001 to January 2002, I felt like a ping pong ball going from one doctor to another, not getting better, and not knowing what was going to happen next.  In February 2002, I was referred to Texas Scottish Rite Hospital for Children in Dallas, Texas.  I remember my parents driving during an ice storm to get to the hotel and being stuck on I-30 due to an 18-wheeler that jacked knifed and blocked traffic for over two hours.

We finally made it to my appointment and a treatment plan was made for me.  I would be visiting the hospital every two weeks for treatment.  This required me to leave my public school and start homeschooling. 

My mom and I would fly to Dallas, get to the hospital just in time for my appointment, and I would get labs done, which I hated.  Each visit would require me to be admitted to the hospital.  My family was unable to visit as no one lived in the area.  My mom would sleep a lot, leading me to make “friends” with inanimate objects.  The IV pole with bags of Solumedrol and Cytoxan would be my unwanted companion for three long days.  One ray of joy were gift bags full of goodies waiting for me, on the hospital bed, during each visit.  They were full of little things to keep me entertained while in the hospital and things I could take home when I left.  I felt grateful for the goodie bags because it got lonely there. 

Eventually traveling to Dallas every two weeks became once a month, then once every other month up to my 18th birthday.

Can you imagine seven years of your childhood dealing with so many medical appointments?  It’s not normal for most of us.  I’ve seen Samantha happy, sad, angry, joyful, and so many emotions in between about her body and living with lupus.  There have been days where she couldn’t imagine continuing to live like she has for so many years.  She continues to manage the emotions that come along with a chronic illness.  Nothing about this diagnosis is fair.  Such beautiful people living in pain with no light at the end of the tunnel. 

There is no cure for lupus.  There is only one FDA approved medication specifically for lupus.  All treatment plans are designed to manage symptoms and slow the destruction of healthy cells. 

The Lubbock Lupus Group is raising money in their community to provide financial assistance to the lab at Texas Tech University completing research to find a cure for lupus. 

I watched my friend speak so eloquently during a Facebook Live event she hosted, with a guest researcher from Texas Tech, about how she hopes her group can be a factor in what leads to a cure for so many.  I’ve said it in the other two posts, but please follow the Lubbock Lupus Group on Facebook.  Go back and look at all the posts during Lupus Awareness Month and learn information you may not have known about the disease.  Connect your loved ones to an online support group that may not have one.  There are so many great reasons to follow!

Lubbock Lupus Group – LLG | Facebook

Samantha and I discussed the possibility for more lupus related posts through the blog.  Our reach is limited right now but please reach out if you would like to read more.  The blog post has comment options, you can contact me via the contact button on authorarielpierce.com, email me at authorarielpierce@gmail.com and/or connect with me on Instagram. 

Ariel Pierce (@authorarielpierce) • Instagram photos and videos

Would y’all want to hear more about Samantha’s experience with lupus?  Would y’all want to hear more lupus facts?  Would you want to know more about the research being done at Texas Tech University?  Please let us know and we will work on it! 

Samantha is using the hashtags #lupusawarenessmonth and #lupuswarrior within her Facebook group posts.  Use these hashtags and help her spread awareness for lupus!