I’m Not Wearing Any Clothes

If you watched Inside Out 2, then you are familiar with watching anxiety take over a person’s body. It’s a pretty decent look into what happens when someone struggles with anxiety.

Most everyone has experienced the feeling of anxiety. Most everyone has experienced those feelings before some type of important event, or when you’re worried about something serious in your life or the life of someone you care about.

The problem with anxiety becomes when it’s literally impacting your functioning.

I started journaling today because I was feeling anxious. If you’ve read any of my content or seen my social media content, it’s clear that I journal when I’m anxious. I didn’t really know why I felt anxious when I started the page, but I felt it.

Another reason I started writing is because I had one of my typical anxiety dreams. When I’m feeling anxious, I tend to have this dream about going somewhere important, and I’m not wearing any clothes.

I’m not the type of person that is confident in their body and would be found happily strolling around in the nude. Also, you can’t really do that in most places, so it wouldn’t matter how I felt about my body.

Anyways, I hate having this dream. It makes my skin crawl, and I feel nauseous for a bit when I’m able to rip myself out of the dream.

I know it’s a silly theme that has played out in different entertainment mediums over the years. I don’t know why my brain feels like this annoying form of torture is something that I need to experience.

The only positive thing about this dream is that I then know that something is off with me, and I can try to pinpoint what it is that might be making me feel the way that I am.

I’m not certain it’s important for anyone reading this to know what is bothering me, I mostly want to comment on anxiety as a concept. Anxiety literally consumes me some days. I struggle to breathe. My hands can’t keep still and try to find any means of keeping them busy, usually resulting in me picking at my fingers or flipping my bracelets over and over. My brain will form every irrational thought it can come up with.

A lot of the things that contribute to my anxiety are based on the life I lived in Texas the last 11 years.

Coming up with meals makes me want to cry.

The fitted sheet popping off a corner makes me to want to run away.

I know there are more random things that seem so trivial, but these are the two that are coming to my head right now that I’ll work with to get my point across.

Coming up with at least two meals a day to feed me and my child was a nightmare for me in Texas. I came home every day from an insanely stressful job, and the last thing I wanted to do was figure out what to feed us. Cooking took too long and too much energy. Healthy choices always sounded terrible, but necessary, which contributed to a battle in my head.

The fitted sheet thing is like having your belt loop get stuck on something or dropping your keys when you’re at your wits end, and you feel like you’re about to lose it any second. The sheet thing happened to me so many times when I felt like everything was terrible, and I would lay there and cry and end up ignoring it for days.

Trivial things become mountains. I feel like I stress my mom out constantly with these random trivial things. I know she worries about me when I try to explain that something that seems small isn’t something I can do at a given moment.

I’m currently having to learn how to manage my anxiety while in a relationship. My partner has learned me very quickly. It’s annoying that I can’t hide it as well as I think I can… It’s really not annoying at all. I love his perceptive abilities and the fact that he actually cares when he asks what is going on with me.

I don’t want to seem crazy when my brain is coming up with irritating thoughts so saying nothing is wrong or I’m okay are my go to responses.

He knows when those answers are false and reminds me that it’s hard to be there for me if I’m not being honest. I’ve tried to be better about telling him what is going on or at least saying I’m not fully sure. We’ve been able to talk things out and generally, if I didn’t already know, I figure out what is going on.

Having a kind and caring mother and partner has helped ease a lot of my anxieties, but if you’re like I was for so many years, you may be alone dealing with anxiety.

I wish I had all the answers. I haven’t totally figured things out, and what I have, I didn’t figure out on my own. I sought out therapy. I journaled. I called my mom every day. I tried to do things that brought me joy.

The issue of my past is that I was also struggling with depression. I think sometimes my anxiety is related to fearing that something might drag me back down into the darkness I felt for so long. I’ve been feeling so much joy, and I don’t want to lose it.

As I’ve been writing, I’ve decided maybe it is important to bear as much as I can.

As I’m writing this, I’m cognizant of the fact that tomorrow is my grandpa’s birthday. Last year on his birthday, I saw him in a bad state and that image will never be able to leave my brain. He passed six days later.

My brother moved to another state about a week ago. I know I lived in another state for 11 years and rarely saw him, but after moving back to our home state, I loved knowing how close he was even though the visits were still not super common.

My son continues to struggle with some concerning behaviors, while not as severe as in the past, still bring me anxiety. Anxiety tries to convince me that I was/am a terrible mother.

Being in a newer relationship also brings with it anxiety. It’s not in the sense that he’s doing anything of concern, but now anything that bothers him, bothers me. I want to fix everything for him and I know I can’t always do that for a number of reasons.

I’m fairly new at my job as I’m still in my six month probation period. I worry that I’m not doing enough or that I won’t be able to help people the way they deserve.

My child’s other parent makes me feel a little insane at times. It’s even more frustrating when you feel like things were moving in a positive direction and then they do something to kick your feet out from under you.

A kiddo I care about in Texas is dealing with so much trauma and the failures of a system, and I feel like I’m not doing enough. I wish I had more means to support them the way they deserve.

I’m also constantly thinking about how to be the most impactful with my words. I fear I’m not talented enough or that I’ll never reach a larger audience. Will I ever finish my novel?

I didn’t intend to make this a journal entry for me processing my anxiety. I mostly wanted to put it out there that anxiety is frustrating. I wanted to open a conversation about how to manage it and maybe help someone realize they’re not the only one dealing with this issue.

Whether anxiety presents in your dreams, is a physical sensation in your body, or occupies your brain without hiding, it’s something you shouldn’t ignore.

Write about it. Talk about it. Don’t hide it. While the thoughts may be irrational, and you generally know that, they’re still your thoughts, and talking about them is your best bet.

If someone makes you feel bad for how your brain functions, that is a them problem. You can try to talk to them about it and work to figure out how you can move towards healthy conversations in the future. You can also evaluate their role in your life and if they are able to help you move towards healthy choices and happiness.

Try to take time to think about positive aspects of your life. In the time between when I started writing this blog and now, someone at my office bought everyone coffee (I got hot chocolate), my mom checked in with me on how I’m doing, and my partner texted with a plan for dinner. The physical sensation I was feeling, related to anxiety, is mostly gone now. It’s amazing what writing, having a healthy support system, and focusing on the positive aspects of life can do for you!

If you’re reading this, you’re an amazing human. Remind someone, who may not read this, that they’re an amazing human! You would be surprised at how a little kindness can change someone’s entire day. Be kind to yourself as well.

I love all you beautiful humans!

AABC – November 2024

Adorable. Beautiful. Charming. Delightful. Excellent. Flirty. Genius. Hot. Impactful. Joyful.

Okay, I’ll stop. I’m thinking too hard on a cute word that starts with K.

Before I continue, I want to put it out there that my blog, website, and social media page are all LGBTQ+ friendly. I will continue to choose books and post content fully supporting all gender identities, sexual orientations, and love between consenting adults.

The book chosen for the Adventure Awaits Book Club for November 2024, was Red, White, and Royal Blue by Casey McQuiston.

If I had the time, I would sit here and come up with a whole alphabet of positive words to describe this book. I started this one immediately after finishing the AABC October 2024 book choice. The former was not my cup of tea. The latter, though, is everything I want in a book.

I love love. I will watch movie after movie of cheesy love stories. I will spend hours gushing in my journals about my love for my partner. I will gleefully choose any and all books related to people falling in love.

I don’t want to sit here and say that the book is only great because it involves love. There are many aspects about this DEBUT novel that are enjoyable.

  1. It’s a debut novel
  2. Diversity related to race and sexual orientation
  3. Political commentary
  4. Quality writing
  5. Sexual orientation exploration
  6. Sexual expression exploration
  7. Spicy scenes
  8. A quality scandal
  9. A quality sibling relationship

I point out that the novel is the author’s debut novel because, as an author, it’s my dream to have a book published and it be wildly successful. Who wouldn’t want this out of their debut? Sometimes it can take a while for the success one hopes for, but I love seeing people’s dreams work out better than they probably imagined.

If all the characters in the books you read look like you, believe like you do, and live life like you do, maybe you should do some self reflection. I say this about the people in your real life as well. People are so quick to turn to hate when something out of their norm presents itself because they don’t often see that not everyone looks, acts, or thinks like them.

The main character is biracial and is Mexican and White. The author briefly explores aspects of his Mexican heritage and how this has impacted him and his family growing up, primarily in a political context.

The two main characters, and a few minor characters, are part of the LGBTQ+ community, and there are also aspects of how their identities impacted them throughout their lives, primarily in a political context.

After living in Texas for 11 years, one can only dream that the ending of the book would happen in real life. I have so much hope for the state I grew to love, and I know that so many people there are fighting for a different political outcome in the state.

Who also doesn’t love a female president?! I hoped for that to become a reality in 2025, but I will have to continue to fight for that reality for the future. I felt that the movie focused more on the political aspect and I appreciated the main character’s work being valued more in the movie. I felt the book pointed out the “binder” a few times but never really went where I thought it would considering I watched the movie before I saw the book.

The book was written well. There isn’t much to say about that fact. It flowed easily and kept you eagerly turning each page. I don’t think I underlined a single typo (I enjoy underlining typos because I know they happen, I don’t judge!) If there was one, I obviously didn’t care, because I just wanted happiness for the two main characters.

I think I’ve already pointed out that there are LGBTQ+ characters in this book. I can understand and appreciate the author having one of the main characters experience questioning his sexual orientation. I don’t claim to be an expert, but I know many people have likely questioned their sexual orientation as they aged which is the reason for the Q in LGBTQ+. I think it’s helpful for people to understand that sexual orientation isn’t as simple as “pick one.” Sometimes you don’t really know how you feel until you meet a specific person and that’s okay!

There wasn’t a large amount of sexual expression exploration but the main character does acknowledge how he hasn’t had sex with a man before. So, yes, there are sex scenes in this book. It’s spicy but not to the point of taking anything away from the story. It honestly shows how physical attraction grows and how the more comfortable you are with someone, the more you are likely to express that physically. If you don’t like books with sexual content, this isn’t the book for you.

I appreciated the scandal in this book. If you live in this country, and likely most others, you are likely aware that LGBTQ+ individuals have to fight for their rights daily. Prominent political figures are likely used to having their personal lives scrutinized, but no one should have to have their personal business exposed like the characters in this book. Your sexuality and expression of said sexuality is no one’s business unless you feel comfortable speaking about it. I enjoyed the family support of some of the minor characters and the confidence to stand up to the less supportive characters.

The main character’s relationship with his sister was cute. It replicates how many of us would likely do anything for our siblings. It also shows how difficult it can be to be your true self, even with the people we trust the most.

I know this book has touched the lives of many based on comments I’ve read about it. I hope it gives people hope like it gave me hope. Hope for a future where a woman can be president. Hope for a future where consenting adults can love who they love without fearing for their safety. Hope for a future with political candidates who aren’t there for themselves but to genuinely help others.

I highly recommend this book!

—————

The Adventure Awaits Book Club December 2024 book choice is One Day in December by Josie Silver!

AABC – October 2024

I owe y’all a blog about my Adventure Awaits Book Club October book choice.

The book chosen for that month was You Shouldn’t Have Come Here by Jeneva Rose.

Thrillers aren’t really my go to choice for books I like to read, but I’m trying to branch out. It also seemed like a spooky enough choice since the entire month of October revolves around Halloween and all things spooky!

I started following Jeneva on TikTok a while back. Many of us have probably seen her humorous videos with her husband. Her stand alone videos have a drier humor, but she still cracks me up.

During a casual cruise around Walmart, I stopped in the book aisle. I can’t go to a store that has books and not buy a book… Anyways, I spotted a romance book (It’s a Date (Again)) written by Jeneva and read it earlier this year because it’s in a genre I tend to read.

Since I liked that book and her social media is always entertaining, I figured I’d give one of the books she’s better known for a chance.

I’ll start off by saying I don’t think the book was meant for me. My brain hides from books like You Shouldn’t Have Come Here.

A few people in my book club commented, when I made the choice, that the ending had a surprising twist. I don’t know if surprised is the word that I would use or disturbing. I guess I can be supportive of a strong female character, but goodness.

Please prepare yourself for an ending that will probably make your eyebrows shoot up, your eyes to bulge, and for you to sit there with your mouth opened questioning the sanity of people in this world.

I used to joke that people who can write books that are creepy and disturbing might need to have their homes checked for bodies. I feel like Jeneva could be added to that list of people with this book. It’s not the whole book, just the last few pages (and maybe a sprinkle in the middle).

I’m not certain if people caught on quicker than I did. What I did while reading was underline every random sentence that made me go “yeah, that’s weird/creepy/suspicious.”

I tried to figure out what this twist ending, my friends mentioned, might be. I wasn’t too off base but Jeneva’s brain is definitely capable of a little more darkness than mine!

Let me go count how many sentences I underlined.

Okay, I’m back.

75.

Technically there’s more than 75 sentences, but I grouped some parts that were more than one sentence together totaling 75 weird/creepy/suspicious parts. There were probably more, but the ones I underlined stuck out more than some.

The shift between character perspectives each chapter made you suspicious of both primary characters. There were plenty of lines that I underlined questioning the intentions of both. The minor characters also all added a level of suspiciousness that made you question the sanity of the entire town most of the story took place in.

If I had picked up this book without any knowledge of the genre or the author, I would say it is a book that will likely keep a person reading. You find yourself rooting a bit for the characters while also questioning who is going to get murdered. It’s a weird dynamic.

The fish hook part (if you’ve read it, you’ll know)… I want it permanently removed from my brain. I almost put the book down and gave up when I read it.

Overall, I wouldn’t say that I recommend the book, but I also wouldn’t say that I don’t recommend the book. Do with that what you will. *shrugs*

One of my favorite things authors do is work in their title, especially when it’s one that doesn’t work in as easy as some. Jeneva managed to get it in there twice on pages 246 and 262 in my copy. It made sense and also happened to be two of the instances where I have a yellow line underneath the words.

Mom, please never read this book. You won’t like it. Just don’t do it. Thank you for reading my blog, though! I love you!

Keep your eyes out for the November AABC blog post about Red, White, and Royal Blue by Casey McQuiston!

Divorce? Marriage? Love?

I have this idea in my head that I’ve had since around 2014.  It’s not one I ever thought I would have because I never thought I would be divorced.  I convinced myself at a young age that my first husband would be my first and only everything.  I thought I hit the jackpot when I met a man at the age of 18.  I had a boyfriend or two in high school, but I mostly was a nice, goody two shoes, single nerd.  When I went to college, I somehow started getting attention I never imagined.  I dated a man or two and then during December of 2010, I met my soon to be husband. 

The purpose of this blog isn’t to go into the details of why that relationship failed.  I don’t even remember all the reasons, honestly.  Getting divorced led me to the idea I mentioned.  Quite a few people I knew back around 2014 were getting married.  I saw post after post stating something along the lines of “Divorce is never an option!”  I HATED seeing this.  The bitterness inside me resented these people that had never experienced a relationship they needed to escape. 

I knew at that time that I wanted to create a project.  I started writing up concepts for a book I hoped to call “Divorce IS an option.”  (Please don’t steal my idea, but if you do, put my name somewhere at least.) Divorce is and always will be an option.  It should be an option.  You should absolutely go into marriage with the thought that you might get divorced.  Everyone should have boundaries that, if crossed, will result in a divorce. 

For me, if you hit me, I’m gonna bounce.  If you abuse my children, we’re gone.  If you cheat on me, I have no interest in making things work.  There’s a few more, but you get the gist.

I would like to interview those who have gone through divorces and explore the reasons that led each couple to get divorced.  Ideally, I would get both sides.  Not that anyone should have to justify their choices, but it’s important to put out in the world that divorce is not something that should be shamed.  Divorce is a valid option and should be discussed thoroughly before marriage about what might lead one to make that choice.

The other part about this book concept that I would like to consider is about love.  I look back at the people I’ve told “I love you” over the years, and I wonder if I really did or if it was more of an obligation or expectation.  I remember saying the words over MSN messenger to, what I consider, my first real boyfriend.  I’ve said the words to five men since then. 

I feel like maybe I have loved them all.  I’ve always been one to show love to everyone around me.  I never want anyone to feel left out or like no one cares about them.  I always befriended the quiet kids, the kids that were bullied, or the straight up strange kids.  They were all typically pretty legit people.  I post all the time in my blogs how I love everyone that reads these blogs.  I genuinely want people to feel loved. 

So, maybe I have loved these past romantic interests.  However, I don’t think it should have gone past me being kind to them as people.  I saw red flags in four of the five men I previously mentioned immediately. 

The one I married kicked a chair down in the middle of a college dance when I refused to let him give me a lap dance in front of everyone.  He also referred to me as Ms. Claus when referencing my weight.  My baby daddy would never make time for me when we first dated.  This didn’t change when I was pregnant or when I gave birth to his child. One man said I was too complicated to date but continued to spend time with me in a “friends with benefits” type of way.  The last one literally had a confederate flag in his apartment, and I let that pass because he said he only had it to make his parents happy. 

Y’all.  I literally made some seriously questionable choices back in the day.  Why did I let any of these things slide?  I’ll tell you why.  Please forgive me for my language, but loneliness is a bitch.  I ignored all these red flags because I hated being alone.  I liked having someone around.  Sometimes, they weren’t terrible.  I know I have good memories with all of them.  Kinda okay was better than being alone.

Nope, it’s not. Being alone is wonderful compared to living with someone who treats you like you’re nothing, who insults you, who hits you, who ignores you for the fun of it.  Even if they sprinkle a few good times in, it’s not enough to deal with the nonsense.  Y’all truly don’t have to suffer because you’re scared of being alone.  I recommend getting out when you start to see those red flags that you probably wouldn’t ignore if you weren’t worried about being alone. 

Loneliness sucks.  I get it.  We’re not meant to be doing this life alone.  Hopefully you have a semi decent family.  If not, find some friends that you can spend time with to try and block out the loneliness while you wait for the right person to come into your life. 

When I think about love, I think about what a person says when they’re asked what they love about their partner.  Do they mention qualities about their partner, or do they mention what their partner does for them.  So, basically, do you hear “I love their humor” or do you hear “I love that they make me laugh.  Do you hear, “I love how thoughtful they are,” or do you hear, “I love that they buy me flowers.”  If you hear actual qualities about someone’s partner, I feel like that’s a good sign that they genuinely love their partner.  If you hear the word “me” in their responses that seems, to me, like a sign they love what their partner can do for them rather than loving their partner as a person. 

Y’all aren’t going to believe this, but I am a girlfriend to someone!  After complaining about being single for so long, it feels shocking to say.  I still don’t believe it some days.  Guess what?  I’ve said “I love you” to this man.  He’s beautiful inside and out.  He looks at me the way I’ve always wanted to be looked at.  In past relationships I always felt that I was looked at as something broken, like I was too weird, too much, and too hard to love.  He looks at me like I’m delightful, like I’m perfect, and easy to love. 

I haven’t seen the red flags.  I know if you asked his past partners, I’m sure they will tell me all kinds of things about him.  Three of the four past men that I’ve mentioned appear to be in healthy relationships despite treating me like they did.  We never know what goes on behind closed doors.  I can’t speak about what anyone has done in their past.  All I can speak about is what I see now.  I see a kind man, a man who cares so deeply about those he loves, a humorous goofball, a wildly intelligent and creative man. 

I’m hopeful we will continue a path of building love for each other.  I may have gotten off track a little but, I mentioned my relationship status to show that I don’t really know what I’m doing, but I’m excited to continue learning about love, how to receive love, and how to show love the way my partner deserves.  Love is complicated.  I’ve said the words in the past and looking back I feel like I only did it out of loneliness and a want to feel loved in return.  Now, I’ve had so much time to evaluate what I’m looking for and I have no interest in tolerating what I have before. 

I’m hopeful I can use my experience with love and relationships and write something in the future more in depth than a short blog to impact people and their relationships.  I want people to be looked at by their partners like mine looks at me.  I want them to feel so much love because they genuinely thought through and evaluated their boundaries and found someone who can show them the love they deserve. 

Have conversations early on about what you expect out of a partner.  I’ve been clear in my current relationship about what I need and what I expect, and I feel like it has only helped us.  I know I haven’t been in a healthy relationship for very long, but I still feel like my past relationship experiences have shaped me to be someone who can speak to what a healthy relationship should look like. 

I love speaking to people who have been in relationships for a long period of time.  Both sets of my grandparents made it 50+ years.  It’s incredible to find someone you love so deeply that you want to be with them for so long.  However, a long relationship doesn’t mean a healthy relationship, so don’t get it twisted.  Relationships take work. 

I love love and I love writing about love.  I think I will probably continue to speak on relationships in my blog and hopefully open the door to completing the book idea I’ve dreamed of writing for so long. 

Thank y’all for taking the time to read my words!  I hope a healthy and beautiful love has found or finds you!  We all deserve to be loved for the amazing, unique, wonderful people we are. 

Bucket List #22 and #37 

I’m back with a Bucket List update!  When I wrote my “Updated Bucket List” blog back in January of this year, I had no idea how much my life would change in such a short time.  

About a month later I had submitted a two weeks notice from my job of seven years.  I started selling most of what I owned in Texas and made a plan to move back to my home state of Kentucky.  By the end of May, I was back in my childhood home.  

Between March and May, my Bucket List and my New Year’s resolutions were far from my mind.  I was in such a weird place mentally with my world changing that I basically just slept, made sure my son went to school, and ate food.  

Being back home didn’t magically wake up a desire to start up my resolutions or start checking off Bucket List items.  I slowly settled into the rhythm of what life would look like moving forward.  

I think the beautiful part about the two items that I’ll mention in this blog is that I never imagined crossing them off this year.  They’re not major items that are incredibly difficult to accomplish like some on the list.  However, finding a hot air balloon and someone you like enough to kiss isn’t exactly an every day occurrence.  

The first item I crossed off the list this year was number 37. 

37. Ride in a hot air balloon

If you read my original Bucket List blog you would know that this one has been on my list since I was in high school.  It feels surreal to check off something that you’ve dreamt of doing for so long.  

My hometown has multiple days of 4th of July celebrations every year.  I’ve always known that they do hot air balloon rides around that time of year, and I’m not sure why I’ve never done it in the past.  

This year I happened to be with my best friend and her family at one of the holiday events.  We had seen the hot air balloons out, but there were rumors that the weather wasn’t going to cooperate enough to get them in the air.  We even started to leave because it seemed like it wouldn’t happen.  

Suddenly, we started seeing them blow up and they made the announcement that rides were available!  My friend and her kids also wanted to go for a ride, so we got in line.  While we waited, I assumed we wouldn’t all get to go up together because 6 people in a hot air balloon seemed excessive in my head.  

My friend and her kids walked up and then they called my son and I over to join!  I was stoked.  Not only was I getting to ride in a hot air balloon, but I was getting to do it with some of my favorite people!  

I loved it.  We were tethered to the ground and it only went up so high, but it was still high enough where if we fell it probably wouldn’t end well.  We got a group shot of all of us together, and it was so amazing getting to see the wonder of the moment through our kids’ eyes.  

It does make me wonder about being more specific with my list.  When I originally thought of riding in a hot air balloon I imagined riding higher and not being tethered to anything.  However, I don’t think these factors took away from the moment.  I would like to go untethered in a hot air balloon one day, but I still feel happy crossing this item off my list.  

I’m probably going to disappoint those that came to be nosy about #22, haha! 

22. Kiss someone in the rain

I’m not going to go in to details about this one.  I’ll keep this moment between me and the person I shared the moment with, my journal, and my mom!  I’ll just say what I said on my Author Instagram page.  “…I couldn’t have dreamt up a more perfect moment.” 

I couldn’t see what my future looked like when things started changing back in February, but I am happy to report that your life can surprise you.  Just because your life looks different than what you pictured doesn’t mean life stops happening.  

I’m excited to see what items I cross off next.  I still think a good goal for the next few items are what I mentioned in the blog from January.  

1 – Pet a giraffe

16 – Go horseback riding

56 – Indoor Skydive 

I’m grateful to be with family and friends that love me and encourage my dreams.  Find the people in your life that want to be alongside you while you cross off your Bucket List items!  I’ll always remember the faces of the people who were there for the six items I’ve crossed off so far, and I’m excited to see who will be there for the next 51!  

I love all you beautiful amazing humans!  I hope you’re doing well and creating bold dreams and lives for yourselves!  You deserve the world, and even if life doesn’t look like how you imagined, don’t worry, it can still be a beautiful love filled life.  

AABC – September 2024

This isn’t going to be like my typical Adventure Awaits Book Club blog posts.  

I am not certain of the research behind the effectiveness of trigger warnings but this post, out of any of mine, would likely need one.  I plan to address suicide.  

I started reading the book I chose for my book club this month.  It’s The Midnight Library by Matt Haig.  

The back of the book did not appear to allude to what the book actually happens to be about.  I owned this book when I lived in Texas but never got around to reading it there.  I think I’m grateful that I didn’t.  It’s not because it’s not a fantastic book, but it’s because I don’t think I was in the head space for it to have the effect on me it had reading it now. 

While reading this book, I felt I needed to write some emotions down in one of my journals.  The first sentence of the journal entry states, “I thought I’d always want to die.” 

Oof. 

I met with a psychiatrist back in 2023 and the beginning of 2024.  I’d been going to therapy for almost four years and nothing in my life felt like it was improving.  I thought maybe medication could help.  Maybe it did, but it never got rid of my thought that not being alive would be so much better than living.  

Due to life circumstances, I stopped taking the medications.  They didn’t get rid of the thought I wanted them to, so why keep taking them?  A few months later, I moved back to where I grew up.  

I had complained for so long about nothing in my life changing and suddenly everything had changed.  I was greeted every day by my mom’s beautiful smiling face.  I had someone hang out with me while I fold laundry (mom, again), I had someone who hung out with Henry on the days when I wanted to sleep longer than he did (yes, it was my mom). 

I needed my mom.  I spent years telling her I would never move back home.  I spent time trying to convince her to move to Texas, but something knew that wasn’t the path I needed to be on.  I needed to be home.  

2014 was the year I felt everything inside me change.  My mom often comments how the sparkle in my eyes has been gone for so long, and that’s when I think it left.  Everything about the life I imagined for myself started to fall apart.  I got divorced.  Grad school wasn’t what I pictured it to be.  I entertained other romantic relationships that gutted me in ways I didn’t expect.  The years kept coming and nothing really improved how I thought they should.  My best friend almost died.  I lost my grandmother.  I wasn’t doing fulfilling work.  Another relationship that sucked the life out of me.  More jobs that weren’t what I wanted.  2017 started to turn things around.  I found a fulfilling job, ended a relationship I should never have been in, and started taking care of my health.  Things were okay for a little bit, but my brain still convinced me it wasn’t enough.  I sought out a past relationship and ended up pregnant.  For the next six years, I did everything alone.  For four of those years I told my therapist over and over how I felt stuck.  I felt like nothing would ever change.  Why didn’t I get the family I wanted when I started communicating with my child’s father.  Why couldn’t I find the time and energy to go back to school?  Why did I have to feel so alone?  Why did I want to die?  

For 10 years I prayed over and over for cancer or some sort of death that wouldn’t completely traumatize my family.  I never had thoughts of harming myself, but I knew I wanted to be taken out of this world.  

Moving home has shown me that the thought I had for so long actually isn’t normal.  I convinced myself that my thoughts weren’t actually suicidal ideations because I had no intention of hurting myself.    Girl, please.  You wanted to die for 10 years!  I don’t know how you couldn’t see that your brain was telling you a lie.  

Honestly, I probably didn’t share what I really needed to with my therapist or psychiatrist.  I never told them how much I begged to be taken out.  I never told them that the thought lived in my brain every day.  I thought it would always be there and that I just needed something in my life to change for things to improve.  A new job. A husband. Money. Something. Anything.

That brings me back to the book I read this month.  If you haven’t read it, maybe don’t keep reading because I’m going to write a few things that will give away the ending.  

The character in this book was exactly where I was mentally but unfortunately, took the next step and attempted to complete suicide.  That is what was left off the back of the book.  It explains that she has the opportunity to try and do life differently but does not indicate why she was given that chance.  

The majority of the book is her doing things differently.  Trying out lives that were different because she went down a path that she had avoided in her first life.  

I can’t even begin to tell you how many times I’ve said I want to go back and do things differently.  

I’ve wanted to go back and never get married.

I’ve wanted to go back and never enter any of the relationships I entertained. 

I’ve wanted to go back and submit applications I didn’t because I was depressed. 

I’ve wanted to go back and never become a mother.  

I’ve wanted to go back and finish every degree I can possibly get. 

I’ve wanted to go back and spend money differently.

I’ve wanted to go back and spend more time with my grandparents.

I’ve wanted to go back and focus more on writing.  

The character in The Midnight Library tried so many lives.  She made so many different choices.  It didn’t matter what she chose, nothing ended up being like what she thought it would be.  Every life had its own set of challenges, even in the ones that seemed perfect.  

I don’t want to go back anymore.  

I had a bracelet that meant the world to me back in Texas.  I got it to try and trick my brain that things would be okay.  It said “Keep Moving Forward.”  They were the little rubber bracelets that are popular.  I got two in case one broke.  The first one broke and it felt metaphorical.  My life was trying to break me.  The second one broke and then I painted a picture of the words to be able to see them every day.  I was trying to find a way to keep doing what the words told me despite not really wanting to do it.

I want to keep those words forever as my life motto.  Keep Moving Forward.  Even if I went back to try life differently, I’d face any number of new challenges.  I want to focus on the future.  I want to live my crazy life and see what’s out there for me.  

I know now that I need my mom.  I’m on a path that feels like it was meant for me.  I’ve met people that feel like they were meant for me.    I don’t know what my future will look like but like one of the lines in the book says, “…that’s the beauty, isn’t it?  You just never know how it ends.”  She may have been talking about chess but we all know the author meant it about life.  

I’m going to throw in here a little bit of advice from someone who has experienced the feelings of wanting to die.  Tell someone.  Be honest about exactly how you’re feeling and truly seek out the help that you need.  You’re not meant to feel this way.  You can’t go back to change your past but your future can look different.  Your future will hopefully give you so many more coping skills and supports that help you get through all the crap that will inevitably be thrown your way.  You deserve to have days where your brain isn’t lying to you.  You deserve to live!  

I’m grateful for reading this book when I did.  Had I read it in the depths of my depression, I would never have gotten out of it what I did.  I might have felt a little hopeful but being in a place where I truly want to live is completely mind blowing.  

I’m going to end this blog with another quote from The Midnight Library.  “My depression-prone brain remains…I don’t want to die any more.”

Isn’t it beautiful?  Please reach out for help if you need it, especially if your brain is trying to convince you your thoughts are normal like mine did.  

988 is a great resource and is the suicide and crisis lifeline.  Call them if you don’t know where else to turn.  

Also, follow the author, Matt Haig, on instagram. I follow him there, and I appreciate his vulnerability in sharing some of the hard times he’s experienced.

I love you, you amazing beautiful humans! 

AABC – August 2024

My book club, Adventure Awaits Book Club, read The Unfortunate Side Effects of Heartbreak and Magic by Breanne Randall for the month of August 2024. 

I picked this book, because I went to Walmart and bought the first book that sounded the most entertaining.  I’m into fantasy type books that have magical elements and appreciate a good love story intertwined with a solid plot. 

Here are a few short thoughts I had while reading the book.  They’re not in order of when I thought them. 

Grandmas are the best.
That girl did what now?
What is his magic ability?
I want to have those desserts.
I love this dog aspect.
What is the figure?
Will they save her?
Will there be a second book?

There were a few small details about the story that I appreciated.  The dog aspect isn’t necessary, but I found it precious.  I liked how much thought the author put in what each recipe could do.  I loved the diversity in the characters, including LGBTQ+, races/ethnicities, and aspects of multiple cultures.  Randall created a large primary family and gave so much personality to each character. 

The book, upon first look, is one of those that you think, “wow, they fit a lot of words on these pages.”  I love a book that fits as much as possible on a page.  It’s an easy read though, and I zoomed through it happily.  The last sentence of the book made me smile; I love an author who fits their title so perfectly into the story. 

I do wonder if there will be a second book.  The ending confused me a bit about a certain character.  It hurt my heart to see a return and then a departure so quickly.  Another aspect of the storyline made me question a bit about its explanation.  I felt bummed and happy about the explanation of this figure that appears over and over.  It seemed like an easy way out instead of it being something a little more challenging.  It also made me a little happy the way it played out, being romantic at heart and all.  I still want to know about the creepy voice on the hill! 

Mental health played an unexpected role in the story.  Several diagnoses are mentioned, and the book advocated the importance of taking care of your mental health.  Who doesn’t love a magical story about things that mostly live in our imagination and aspects that are completely relevant to our everyday lives. 

I don’t want to go into too many details about each character or give too much of the story away.  I hope I gave you just enough to make you want to pick this one up.  I recommend it!  I’m sure most can find something about the story to love! 

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I hope to get back in to writing these monthly book club updates!  Follow along for more book choices!

The book club choice for September 2024 will be The Midnight Library by Matt Haig. 

Bedtime Stories

Storytelling is in my bones.  My grandfather happened to be the king of telling compelling stories.  Everything he shared held so much heart.  He loved life and those who shared it with him.  I tend to be one who sits and listens rather than share stories with words.  My words linger in my brain until I put them down on paper and create the world once living within my brain. 

I have mentioned in a previous blog that I created a story with my son one night to bring him joy.  Go check out the blog, “The Cranky Lizard,” if you want to read more about that story.  I randomly started a nightly tradition of spending a little bit of cuddling time with my son, playing thumb wars, goofing off a bit, and creating stories together.

He hooked right on to the story creation idea and now asks me to tell him a story every night.  This generally means he’s cutting me off with ideas of his own and it becomes our story.  He even tells stories of his own.  I’m hopeful this is a long-time tradition. 

I’ve been writing the stories down in my phone to keep fun memories.  I thought it would be cute to share them with the world and have another safe place to keep them.   

None of them have titles.  Some of them are ones he created, some are ones I created, and some are both of our creations.  They’re super rudimentary, not focused on substance, and were solely meant to make my son and I laugh.   Most of them are also super short and may not make total sense but it’s about having fun!

Here we go! 

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Story 1: Story by Ariel

There once was a ghost named Spooky Ghost.  He always wanted to make friends and would try to say hi to people.  He realized people couldn’t see him.  He was so sad.  On Halloween he realized everyone could see him when they complimented his ghost costume.  He went around the rest of the night making friends and had a great time.  The end. 

Story 2: Story by Henry

There once was a black and white striped dragon.  He also had orange circles on his body.  His name is Breath Fire.  He lives in a dark cave that has clams inside with lights in them so the dragon can see in the dark.  The dragon found a crystal that gave him transformation powers.  The crystal was orange and pink.  He touched it and then he had magical powers to change into a person.  On Halloween he wore a dragon costume.  Everyone knew he was a dragon because he forgot to change his tail and wings.  Everyone ran away and he was sad.  Two adventurers named Henry and Mommy became friends with him.  He let them fly on his back.  The end.

Story 3: Story by Henry

Henry and Mommy lived in different houses.  Henry learned how to walk and would spend all his time with his mommy.  They would spend time in Henry’s room and had a lot of fun.  One night when they were sleeping a thief stole Henry.  Mommy punched the thief in the face and saved Henry.  The end. 

Story 4: Story by Ariel and Henry

There once was a horse named Larry.  He had three kids named Jerry, Mary, and Berry.  His wife’s name was Carey.  One day they went on a ferry.  They were on their way to visit their grandparents Terry and Gary.  At their grandparents’ house they learned about a secret fairy.  Her name was Bethany.  She lived in the attic of Terry and Gary’s farmhouse.  Bethany loved to sing.  She threw the best karaoke parties for all the fairies.  Terry and Gary could never catch Bethany as all the fairies would disappear when Terry and Gary would go to the attic.  One day Jerry, Mary, and Berry were playing in the attic when Bethany appeared.  It was quite a surprise.  She heard them singing and wanted to know who it was.  They all jumped in surprise.  They all became friends and eventually they met Bethany’s husband named Harry.  The end.

Story 5: Story by Henry

There once was a caveman named Jodo.  He was on a journey to see some new dinosaurs.  The end.

Story 6: Story by Henry

Once upon a time Charmander found a Squirtle who battled him in a challenge.  Charmander lost.  He cried and ran away.  He wanted to find a trainer with tough Pokémon.  He was in a cold area and none of the trainers liked Charmander.  He had a feather on his nose that made him sneeze.  Charmander found a trainer named Henry with tough Pokémon.  Charmander was so happy.  He battled Squirtle again and won.  He evolved into Charmeleon.  The end. 

Story 7: Story by Ariel and Henry

Once upon a time there was a Henry and Mommy.  Henry and Mommy were the best buddies ever.  One day Henry and Mommy went on an adventure.  They went to California and went to the beach.  While on the beach, they went searching for treasure under water.  Henry’s friends from town went along and their names were Athena, Christian, Isaiah, and Brantley.  While under water, they spotted a magical turtle that was carrying a treasure chest on his shell.  He was too fast due to his magical powers.  Henry, Mommy, and their friends didn’t know what to do.  Suddenly a lightning fish appeared.  It looked red and yellow like the flash.  The lightning fish told them they had to find a purple stone that would stop the turtle from being so fast.  They searched for hours and then Henry and Mommy found it.  They showed all their friends and then went to find the turtle.  Henry threw the stone at the turtle and stopped it in its tracks.  The treasure chest started to fall, and everyone swam to grab it.  They went up to the shore and realized they were lost.  They found an island with some turtles that could talk.  The turtles told them of the secret hole in a cave that could transport them to their homes.  They found the cave, made it home, and opened the treasure.  It was full of new and cool toys.  The end. 

Story 8: Story by Henry

One day there was a picnic at fairly land.  Henry, Athena, Christian, and Mommy wanted to see Kylo, a fairy.  They went in a teleporter and saw their friend Kylo.  They became fairies and had a picnic.  There was a chocolate fountain that used to be a water fountain.  You can dip whatever you want in.  They wanted marshmallows.  After the picnic, they slept over in a small tree.  They had a lot of fun when it was morning time.  They wanted to have a walk.  They saw magical pets.  They went into a magical pet store.  They all got pets.  Henry’s was a cat named pumpkin.  Athena’s was a dog named Delilah.  Christian got a parrot named Copier.  They wanted to play outside and had a water gun fight.  The end.   

Story 9: Story by Ariel

One day Otto the otter went out for a stroll.  While on his stroll, he met his friend Bob.  Bob was also an otter.  There were hundreds of Otters out for their Sunday stroll.  Every Sunday, all the otters in Otterville went out for strolls.  One Sunday, Otto went out on a bike ride.  All the other otters were staring at him.  He didn’t know what was happening.  They started yelling at him to get off his bike.  Otto forgot it was Sunday stroll day and not bicycle Monday.  Otto was upset.  He decided to become president so he could change the law.  He made every day be a bicycle or a stroll day.  All the otters thought he was so cool.  He decided to do other things as president.  He decided every day was taco day instead of just Tuesday.  He built a huge pool for all the otters to swim in whenever they didn’t want to go to the lake.  He also gave everyone a million dollars.  The end. 

Story 10: Story by Henry

Once upon a time a kid named Henry wanted a pet and his mom said yes.  He was so surprised when there was a dolphin as a pet.  He really wanted to order it, so he ordered it.  It was three dollars.  They bought it.  The dolphin and Henry were great friends.  They had a lot of fun.  They played in a pool and had lunch together.  Somebody was mad that they couldn’t get the dolphin as a pet.  They took the dolphin away.  Henry and Mommy drove to their house.  Henry saved the dolphin.  The end.

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Ten stories seemed like a good place to stop.  Yes, we’re a little goofy, but I bet you laughed at least once!  We’re still creating stories, so I anticipate there being more stories shared through my blog.  I want Henry to be able to read these cute memories one day.  Hopefully, he’ll have some sort of love for writing, reading, and storytelling. 

I hope you lovely humans are taking care of yourself!  Being a human is hard and you’re doing great!

Bullet Journaling – I’m back!

It’s me! Your local person who loves to do new things and then struggles to stick to them. Keep reading through a rollercoaster of emotions and eventually get to some bullet journaling content!

A few years back I bought a habit tracker that I found satisfying. It had a spot where you could list six different habits and there were little rectangle-ish spots to mark off if you completed each habit. I have an astronomically large collection of different colored pens. I chose the colors that sparked something in my heart and absolutely killed all my habits for the month of June 2021. Filling in the color wheel inspired me to try and continue. Something about a beautiful display of colors is motivating.

Unfortunately, the next month my heart experienced a bit of crushing due to a family visit that did not go how I expected but also exactly how I expected. The coloring off of each habit decreased significantly and ceased about two months after I started.

A little over a year later I found myself deep into my still present TikTok obsession. (I swear if the government gets rid of TikTok, I will lose it). I started following people who did bullet journaling and began a subsequent obsession. As I wrote in my past bullet journaling blogs, I found a motivation to start bullet journaling out of a desire to help one of my youth clients while working at Child Protective Services. I liked how the bullet journaling concept combined nicely with the habit tracker that I used a year before. My kiddo needed inspiration during a hard time, and I did as well. I figured it would be something we could work through together.

Unfortunately, again, crisis after crisis impacted my kiddo’s ability to keep working on her journal and my life fell apart around me as well. I won’t speak to my kiddo’s personal life, but I can speak to mine. 2022 led to huge changes at work and I lost people that were very important to me. I started to gain weight. I couldn’t control my eating. I threw myself into online dating to try and feel something and that crashed and burned with the complete disasters of people that I met.

Nothing seemed to help. Therapy. Medication. Writing. Reading. A Cruise. I felt empty.

I drafted pages and pages of different bullet journaling concepts. I tried to get back on track with this concept that had inspired me in the past. My therapist constantly encouraged me to bring back color in my life. I could see it in his eyes that he knew my eyes were missing their light, their color. He knew how much I loved to design the pages and do something semi artistic. I knew it as well, but nothing in me could get back to that colorful place.

In February of 2024, my life took a turn that I never expected. I made the decision to move from the place I’d been living for about eight or nine years and head back to my home state of Kentucky. I won’t go into the reason behind the decision in this blog as it’s not fully relevant to accomplish what I would like with my words. Anyways, in May of 2024, we were back in my hometown.

About four days before writing up this blog post, I felt inspired. I wanted color back in my life. Being home with my mom and realizing I hadn’t felt dread in months brought me a wave of joy. The inspiration may have also had a little to do with a Hallmark movie I watched with my mom the night before. The movie is called My Dreams of You. I won’t go into the whole concept but basically it followed a woman who dreamt of being a published author.

My mom hinted at the movie being a sign for me to start writing again. It had been months since I wrote anything with substance. Complaining in a journal, every once in a while, doesn’t give me the same energy as writing a blog, writing towards my novel, or writing something more creative. Something about the movie and my mom’s consistent encouragement of my dreams kicked me into gear. I grabbed a bullet journal and created a “writing” page within minutes.

I also picked out a book that happened to be in the same tote as the bullet journal. A “reading” page popped up just as quickly as its companion. The next day I started reading my book choice, wrote numerous journal pages, and created three additional bullet journal pages.

Now, here I sit, writing this blog, and guess what. My mom and another Hallmark movie inspire me. This movie is called Junebug. Guess what, again. The movie is also about an inspiring author. I’m starting to be a little creeped out by all the signs…

I told my mom I couldn’t go to bed without writing, because I wanted to color something besides red on my “writing” bullet journal page. I watched Junebug while starting to work on this blog and I’m still here long after it’s over.

There is no doubt in my mind that had I stayed in Texas, I would have stayed in the depths of my dread. I can’t picture when my life would have produced the joy I feel now. I don’t know that any color would have come back to my life. I know I have many things that I still need to work on, and it has only been a couple of days, but I’m hopeful. I still have a dream to be a published author, and I hope these small changes will be impactful in this journey.

This may not be what you thought you would read when seeing a title about bullet journaling. I dived straight into a deep pool of emotions. I appreciate y’all hanging in with me. I will now add comments about my experiences with bullet journaling compared to when I started in 2022 to add a less serious tone to this blog.

If you go to my blog post “Bullet Journaling – Post Two,” you will find a list of what pages I created in the past. I genuinely liked the concepts of the pages, but now I feel like it became too much for me and overwhelmed me. I do like the creativity in designing the pages but a few of them I had to do every month, and past Ariel could not find the energy to create new pages that often. Now, just because I couldn’t find the energy, doesn’t mean you can’t! I encourage anyone interested in bullet journaling to consider designing new pages as often as your heart desires.

I also decided instead of creating a page to write about my days in the bullet journaling, I would save that for my regular writing journals. My past water page also didn’t feel necessary because being home with my mom has made it easier to stay hydrated. I don’t feel like I need to track it because I’m not finding myself questioning the last time I drank water very often.

For all you lovely humans who struggle being kind to yourselves, I would recommend adding a bullet journal page, like I had previously, where you list something nice about yourself each day. While I loved doing this, eventually, it became repetitive, and I couldn’t come up with things that fit nicely in the little boxes I designated for this task. You may find yourself in this boat eventually as well, but I think it’s good to get yourself in a “kind to yourself” mindset for at least a month or two.

Currently, I am sticking to yearly pages. I want to be able to color in little boxes with the colors I’ve chosen and feel joy again. It’s also easier to stay motivated as I don’t have to create new pages very often. I think the five pages I have, at the moment, make the most sense for me. The pages are:

1. Writing
2. Reading
3. Emotions
4. Wake Up
5. Steps

I think the first two pages and the steps page are self-explanatory. The fourth page is helping me with waking up on time. I tend to hit snooze a million times and then end up cutting it close getting to work.

The third page is my favorite and I did it like this in the past as well. I created an emotions page to track how I feel about each day. In the past I used the colors and names of the five emotions from the movie Inside Out. Since I created this page, Inside Out 2 has released. In my current emotions page, I used the colors and names of all nine emotions from the new movie.

I would recommend heading over to my Instagram page to see all the pages! While you’re there, comment any suggestions for things I could possibly track with another yearly page!

Present Ariel is hopeful that no gut-wrenching event will happen to kick me out of my current state of happiness. I hope to complete these yearly pages in their entirety. I’m thinking I might post an end of month update each month on my Instagram to keep me accountable with y’all!

Thank you for reading to the end! Thank you for supporting my dreams when they’re actively being pursued and when they’re not. Life is hard. Being alive takes a lot some days, but I’m happy you’re here!

Here is a link to the habit tracker I used back in 2021. I bought it from Amazon. I really enjoyed it and highly recommend it if you’re not up for creating your own bullet journal pages and are trying to habit track.

https://a.co/d/2jkq8aK

I will also add a link to the bullet journals that I purchased that I like the most. The ones with rings make more sense to me when I’m trying to design the pages. I don’t have to worry about holding the cover or previous pages down. The price is also fairly reasonable for a three pack! I also bought these from Amazon.

https://a.co/d/5JMSqqJ

Happy Bullet Journaling, everyone!

30 Questions to Ask Your Partner, Part 2!

I’m bringing back a post idea from the past! I’m known for asking many questions and being the one to want to know everything about new people I meet. I’m also the one in a relationship that finds it fun to ask new things we may not know about each other.

I came up with 30 new questions to ask your partner. They’re weird and goofy and make you think in a perspective you may not generally.

I’ll post the questions and then go back and put my rationale for why I think they’re fun. Enjoy this silly post!

1. What is your favorite sound?

2. Which shoe do you put on first?

3. How do you make Mac and cheese?

4. Have you ever waved back at someone that wasn’t waving at you?

5. Would you ever go skydiving?

6. Do you have a least favorite school picture?

7. What is your favorite trinket?

8. What is your favorite Pokémon?

9. Do you prefer cats or dogs?

10. What is something strange you’re kind of obsessed with?

11. What is the weirdest food combination you’ve made and liked?

12. What is your go to dance move?

13. Do you have a favorite mug?

14. Do you prefer home made or store bought Christmas stockings?

15. What is one clothing item you have the most of?

16. Do you like having pictures taken of you?

17. Do you have a scar story?

18. What is your opinion on stuffed animals?

19. Who is the odd relative in your family?

20. How many blankets do you own?

21. What is your opinion on stickers?

22. Do you prefer cold or warm weather?

23. Do you prefer fake or real flowers?

24. What time do you normally go to sleep?

25. What’s something you would want named after you?

26. Do you ever turn off ceiling fans?

27. What is your favorite creative outlet?

28. Do you prefer hot or cool showers?

29. Do you peel a banana from the top or bottom?

30. What would you say is the coolest thing since sliced bread?

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Did any of these questions make you feel as if the answer to them would be the key to knowing if someone is your soulmate?

Probably not, but here’s a bit of feedback on them:

1. What is your favorite sound?

How random, right? I think of popping popcorn or my son’s laugh but my real favorite is going over the bumps they have on bridges. This is one to get your partner thinking.

2. Which shoe do you put on first?

Another one to make you think. Do we pay close enough attention to what we do on a daily basis? Probably not. I’m a left shoe first person.

3. How do you make Mac and cheese?

I mean… do you want to be with someone who doesn’t have the boxed directions memorized? Maybe your partner adds a unique ingredient. Maybe your partner is only a home made Mac and cheese person. It’s good information to know.

4. Have you ever waved back at someone that wasn’t waving at you?

Oh, so you don’t have an embarrassing moment like that one? Lucky. If not, what is an embarrassing moment you remember?

5. Would you ever go skydiving?

It’s a no go for me. I’d probably pass out and that wouldn’t be good. It’s good to know how adventurous of a partner you have because this may become a conflict for y’all in the future.

6. Do you have a least favorite school picture?

Something to make you think! Mine is when I had braces and a unique mouth insert thing. You can see the impressions of the mouth insert in the photo. It was also the year I cut my hair short for the first time. It’s not terrible but not my favorite.

7. What is your favorite trinket?

This one is hard for me. I have a bunch of random trinkets I love. A lot of these questions make you pay attention to yourself more. Mine is probably the Christmas giraffes I have where they are wearing scarves.

8. What is your favorite Pokémon?

If they’re not familiar with Pokémon they might be too young (or old) for you or are boring. Haha, kidding (sorta). Mine is either Togepi or Cubone.

9. Do you prefer cats or dogs?

This could really be a deal breaker for some. You have to think of what your home dynamics will be like. Maybe your animal hates other animals. It could be tough. I’m a cat person but also love dogs. I simply don’t have the time to give love to dogs like they deserve.

10. What is something strange you’re kind of obsessed with?

Mine is Pearl TikTok. I love watching random people open the clams and getting the pearls out. It’s so satisfying and I don’t know why. This question could potentially lead you to find a quirk about your partner you didn’t know.

11. What is the weirdest food combination you’ve made and liked?

Mine goes all the way back to high school. I was visiting my dad for the summer and was left to figure out my own lunch. I put together a salami and peanut butter sandwich. It’s actually quite delicious. This could also be one where you find something gross out about your partner.

12. What is your go to dance move?

I’m more of a head bobber and a little bit of hip shaking. I can’t dance, let’s just get right out and say it. Your partner may like to go dancing and your abilities may impact what activities you’re doing with each other.

13. Do you have a favorite mug?

Who doesn’t have a favorite mug? I’m not a big coffee drinker and don’t tend to use mugs but for some reason mugs are so cute. I have a square one that is Anger from Inside Out. It makes me smile every time I see it. Honestly, it’s in my fridge and holds my son’s cheese sticks.

14. Do you prefer home made or store bought Christmas stockings?

This could bring you into a whole discussion about Christmas. It’s an important topic because you may not have the same traditions and that could be a deal breaker for some. I enjoy getting the typical red and white stockings and then putting your name on in glitter. I haven’t done that in a few years though.

15. What is one clothing item you have the most of?

The pastor at my church shared his obsession with socks one day and I thought that was hilarious. I realized I have the same obsession. My socks and underwear drawer are definitely filled to the brim. This could be an important question to know how much space your partner may take up in a closet or dresser.

16. Do you like having pictures taken of you?

It annoys me when people say they don’t like having pictures taken. Why do you love ruining memories? Just take the picture and let your family enjoy having that record of you. Your children or grandchildren will likely love to see those pictures of you!

17. Do you have a scar story?

If you don’t, that’s pretty cool too! You must be much more coordinated than most. I have a beach story I like to tell.

18. What is your opinion on stuffed animals?

This could be a deal breaker. I definitely have a slight obsession with stuffed animals. I have more stuffed giraffes than most. Some have found that odd. That person wouldn’t be one that would work with me so that’s good to know.

19. Who is the odd relative in your family?

Let’s face it, we all have one random relative that we make a slight concerned facial expression when we talk about them. Maybe you’re the odd one out. Either way, it’s a good conversation starter.

20. How many blankets do you own?

Is your partner prepared for a random ice storm that knocks out power for days? Wait, is that only a problem for Texas people? Maybe not. So, it’s good to know if you’ll stay warm during an emergency. It’s also good to know if your partner has a blanket obsession.

21. What is your opinion on stickers?

Um, you don’t have a filing system of stickers in your home? Just me?

22. Do you prefer cold or warm weather?

This could be a deal breaker depending on where you want to set up shop for your family. I prefer a warmer location because snow stresses me out. It’s beautiful but it can make you feel a little trapped.

23. Do you prefer fake or real flowers?

This is good to know for surprise gifts for your partner. I don’t like receiving real flowers because it makes me sad that they’ll die in a few days. I love having fake flowers in my home because they’ll likely last forever and it’s fun to keep gifts your partner gives you.

24. What time do you normally go to sleep?

Do you like to cuddle before you go to sleep? This is a good answer to know so you know how your evenings will go together. It could be a deal breaker for someone whose love language is physical touch if you don’t go to bed at the same time. That’s not mine, so I’m not fully sure, but it seems logical.

25. What’s something you would want named after you?

I’ve always thought it was romantic when someone named a star after someone else. That’s so cute in my opinion. But what’s that random thing that it would be cool to see named after you? I think a flute brand would be dope.

26. Do you ever turn off ceiling fans?

Nope. Never. I really should probably clean those now that I think about it.

27. What is your favorite creative outlet?

Everyone needs an outlet to express themselves. Creativity is a good skill and I love to see it in my partners. I love to journal, write stories, paint, and do other miscellaneous craft projects.

28. Do you prefer hot or cool showers?

I like my skin scalding hot when I shower. I also think it’s cute to shower with your partner. It would be sad for a partner to like cooler showers.

29. Do you peel a banana from the top or bottom?

General curiosity. I’ve found peeling from the bottom much easier lately.

30. What would you say is the coolest thing since sliced bread?

I might have to come back to this question. I love my flute so that could be my answer but there’s probably something cooler that I’ll think of later.

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I hope this blog post got you thinking a bit about yourself. I hope it made you laugh. This can also be a fun list for when you’re hanging with friends.

When I was working on this list I asked a few coworkers for ideas. They went a little more wild with their ideas. It could be fun to add to this list and come up with your own conversation starters.

Thank you for reading this far! Let me know what questions you would add!